Animals: Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat....

By jf29 - United States

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9609

You deserved it

46602

Favorite

Animals

Reverse psychology

Grow up

Not gonna happen

By embarrassed - United States

Today, I went to see Terminator. Not wanting to spend an outrageous amount of money at the concession stand, I sneaked a Dr. Pepper into the theater. I thought I had gotten away with it, until I opened the bottle and it exploded all over me and four other people that I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15395

You deserved it

52808

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56370

You deserved it

5314

Favorite

By swimfaned - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38110

You deserved it

2683

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I was in my family's hotel room taking a dump. The lock to the bathroom was broken so we had made a deal: when the door is closed, someone is using the toilet. The maid didn't know that. She punched me in the face because she claimed I scared her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38056

You deserved it

3287

Favorite

By notastoner - United States

Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied "No", he said "You mean you always look like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35525

You deserved it

5576

Favorite

By pmek - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32314

You deserved it

3249

Favorite

By notmuchfun - United States

Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48321

You deserved it

4659

Favorite

By ugly - United States

Today, I was in McDonalds with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, 'Whoa, you're really pretty.' No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, 'Wow. He must have been drunk.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

35468

You deserved it

3503

Favorite

By Heartbroken - Australia

Today, I have to be at work with a smile on my face, whilst sitting next to the asshole that dumped me last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25239

You deserved it

5591

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Norwalk

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27684

You deserved it

2696

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, I told my parents that I was going to hang out with some friends. My dad guffawed and said, "Ooh, look at Mary, pretending she has a social life." Thanks, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31339

You deserved it

3291

Favorite

By sewdevastated - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my mother intentionally donated the quilt that I had made for her, because, "It didn't match anything". That was $70 worth of fabric and 7 and a half weeks spent on that handiwork of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13975

You deserved it

954

Favorite

By Ew. - United Kingdom

Today, after being filled with joy after seeing my very elderly cat finally enjoying the sun in my garden, I skipped over to give her a hug. Turns out she was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21804

You deserved it

9192

Favorite

By lft - United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48842

You deserved it

10129

Favorite

By silly_billy - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my wife. We were having a nice time when a man came up to me. He said, "Hey! Bill how are you?" I wasn't really sure, so being polite I said, "I'm sorry, I can't remember your name." He frowned and walked away. It was my company's Chairman of the Board. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20252

You deserved it

54493

Favorite

By wtf

Today, I got yelled at multiple times by my boss because my boyfriend didn't show up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4723

You deserved it

409

Favorite

By Che_likes_you - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had to babysit my 7-year-old niece while my brother bought Christmas presents. After he left, she walked up to me and said in a very dark voice, "I'm gonna make you hate children!" Now my apartment looks like a bomb site. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32034

You deserved it

2834

Favorite

By firestar772 - United States - Santa Barbara

It's probably considered art

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36936

You deserved it

4440

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, working midnight at a coffee shop, I had a customer set down his phone on the counter to pay. Screen up. Still playing his, "Ebony Rimjob" porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5209

You deserved it

378

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Kent

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36924

You deserved it

5418

Favorite

By MaudlinMasters - 5/1/2021 02:01

Things can only get better

Today, marks the 8-month anniversary of receiving my Masters degree. It also marks 8 months of depression and unemployment because the dream job in my field I was promised before graduation was rescinded due to COVID-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1002

You deserved it

Favorite

By nickname - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15908

You deserved it

35157

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32044

You deserved it

3959

Favorite

By stupidapperently - United States

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31597

You deserved it

2393

Favorite

By emoflowers - United States - Amarillo

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29343

You deserved it

3314

Favorite

By ringmaster101 - United States

Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76843

You deserved it

3370

Favorite

By lukey101 - 25/6/2020 17:02

Running commentary

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

474

You deserved it

1710

Favorite

By whatisthisshit

Hellooooo, Social Services?

Today, I spent two hours convincing my 3-year-old son that he can't poop on his 4-month-old brother out of retaliation for the baby pooping on him. He did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5364

You deserved it

651

Favorite

By lingling - United States - Germantown

Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28007

You deserved it

5943

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58006

You deserved it

7571

Favorite

By are you kidding me - United States - Wichita

Today, I showed up to work and my boss was nowhere to be found. A phone call later, I find out he's in Dubai. Oh, and since I'm his personal assistant, I should be able to take care of matters until he gets back. I've only been his assistant for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35840

You deserved it

2681

Favorite

By DramaQueen - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12788

You deserved it

62619

Favorite

By Cornbreesha - United States

Today, a mall cop tore up my 'Free hugs' sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36874

You deserved it

17251

Favorite

By shroomda - United States

Today, I called my Dad to wish him happy birthday. The phone was disconnected, so I called my sister to see what his cell was. She then informed me that our Dad was in jail for selling shrooms to teenagers at a music festival out of state. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56005

You deserved it

3382

Favorite

By Mouhahaa - France

Today, my wife stabbed my hand with a fork, making it bleed. I'd only tried to take some fries from her plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21586

You deserved it

36211

Favorite

By pocketrocket90 - Australia - Capalaba

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55197

You deserved it

5297

Favorite

By commando - United States

Today, I was preparing to perform with my marching band at a competition. Right before we went on, a tuba player friend of mine offered to help me stretch. He wound up snapping my bra. I'm a drum major, and had to conduct the entire show while my boobs were falling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41913

You deserved it

5657

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45390

You deserved it

6789

Favorite

By Stupid - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I thought that an ingenious way to protest against high tuition prices would be to steal a box of soymilk from my university dining hall. The box exploded in my backpack. Not only did I lose all my soymilk, I now have replace my $120 calculator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16844

You deserved it

67823

Favorite

By happycow122 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I realized I'm pregnant by a man who won't even accept my Facebook friend request. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25026

You deserved it

20263

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tikal_fml | 0

#941 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 1:37

Oh my god, ha-ha, thank you!
I hope you took pictures, because that would've been the ultimate "FAIL" picture of the internet :D

By Kulawend | 0

#3124 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 23:57

HAHAHA!

COMMENTS

By Tikal_fml | 0

#941 - Tuesday 10 February 2009 1:37

Oh my god, ha-ha, thank you!
I hope you took pictures, because that would've been the ultimate "FAIL" picture of the internet :D

averageirishman | 0

#889583 - Wednesday 24 February 2010 22:49

that would be hilarious
funniest FML I've ever read

bbyjoy | 4

#5051265 - Wednesday 17 October 2012 5:11

A definite fail.
Wow, op, you must have been reallllly drunk. ;)

LivingLouder | 7

#5572941 - Wednesday 10 July 2013 1:17

Omg that would be the best

By blah_blah_shity | 0

#1744 - Friday 13 February 2009 4:12

haha stoopid

By Kulawend | 0

#3124 - Tuesday 17 February 2009 23:57

HAHAHA!

By PSAATS | 0

#4754 - Saturday 21 February 2009 6:25

Gross! HAHA

By sm1094 | 0

#5517 - Sunday 22 February 2009 23:07

ahahahhahahahah. this probably just made my day.

By kitz | 0

#9244 - Saturday 28 February 2009 13:22

HAHAHAHA!
Dude that made me laugh hard, thanks ^ ^

By onluckiest | 0

#36884 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 6:19

lmao at #1

By lifepwns | 0

#45953 - Friday 20 March 2009 22:44

lol way to go LOLOL

By POORLiLSTELA | 0

#156120 - Thursday 30 April 2009 9:32

oh my God!
why the hell didnt you check before sending her out to see the 'grave'
JEERRRKKKK!

jlarae12 | 10

#5321438 - Sunday 13 January 2013 4:12

Have you never been drunk??...

By tyralpha | 0

#163457 - Sunday 3 May 2009 2:44

BWAHHAHAHA!!! God, I'd kill to get a picture of that!