Animals: Poor good boy

Poor good boy

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 20:54 - United Kingdom

Today, my dog died. I spent ages digging him a grave and buried him in the garden so that my dad wouldn't have to deal with the stress when he got home from work. When my dad got home he told me that he had wanted the dog to be cremated. I have just had to dig up my dog's body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 146

You deserved it 5 172

Animals

Hiding from the drama

Age difference

Cognitive dissonance

Dork

By Anonymous - 16/03/2021 02:00

Today, my 46 year-old brother-in-law came to visit. He is uniquely gifted. His talent? Behaving like a teenager and sexualising everything. Even my lip blister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 101

Close but no cigar

By bbb - 03/10/2012 16:19 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, after having tried for months to get a promotion at work, I finally had an interview for a higher position. Everything went great, and I was told I would get a call next week for my second interview. I went back to my desk, only to get an email stating they're canceling the position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 785

You deserved it 1 593

By ModernDayMaid - 25/03/2019 22:00

Today was just like any other normal day. Spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I felt great until I went into just about every room I’d cleaned and saw that it was messed up again with zero attempts from my stepdaughter to clean it back up. I really hate preteens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 919

You deserved it 278

By dudeyouarefired - 20/12/2012 08:16

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 654

You deserved it 4 748

By UnfortunatelySingle - 21/07/2015 06:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 370

You deserved it 3 360

The Conquest of Bread

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 11:00 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around, tickling each other. He grabbed my stomach roll and told me it looked like a baguette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 234

Butterface

By khfhjfsb - 05/02/2014 00:41 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 928

You deserved it 22 494

By lisa321 - 02/04/2009 02:36 - United States

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 506

You deserved it 116 227

The Voice

By NotChadKrouger - 11/05/2011 15:19

Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 371

You deserved it 14 926

By Lazy - 20/09/2009 12:03 - Australia

Today, I was at work and was trying to cheer up my stressed out manager by chatting. We were on the subject of sleeping in when I told her that I loved to be lazy and sleep in when I could. She looked up and down me and then answered, "I can see that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 712

You deserved it 10 102

By dwaggle - 02/07/2009 00:58 - United States

Today, my wife tried to catch the bouquet at my sister's wedding. Afterward I informed her that only single women were supposed to do that, and she replied "I know". My wife told me that she was divorcing me at my sister's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 135

You deserved it 2 742

By ohman - 02/10/2010 06:28 - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because 'I look like his hamster when I'm eating sunflower seeds.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 524

You deserved it 5 848

Sorry for your loss

By dpod121 - 04/03/2010 19:41 - United States

Today, I got a call from my optometrist. I ignored the call, because I already knew I had my appointment tomorrow. When I listened to my messages later, I found out it was from his secretary, saying all of his appointments have been canceled due to him passing away last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 459

You deserved it 9 214

Feu Orange

By Farty - 02/09/2021 19:01 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a car air freshener on his desk, because it "keeps my farts away from his air." FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 246

By dibman - 07/01/2011 09:11 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 663

You deserved it 2 943

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 970

You deserved it 4 908

By Anonymous - 25/10/2008 16:54

Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 108

You deserved it 13 029

By Anonymous - 05/10/2013 06:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 011

You deserved it 52 842

#1 Mom of the Year

By minnie - 23/02/2021 04:58

Today, while trying to walk past my mother in the hallway, I hesitated because she suddenly moved to the side. She screamed at me for a solid five minutes about not being able to "predict her movements." And she wonders why I’m suicidal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 85

By Anonymous - 19/09/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, my car wouldn't start, so I had to wait for AAA. Then, hurrying to pick up my brother, I got a $161 speeding ticket. Twenty minutes later, I got a call from him saying he didn't need a ride anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 602

You deserved it 6 735

By nomorenakedpicsplease - 07/07/2013 05:21 - Canada - Leduc

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 321

You deserved it 5 265

By Riley - 09/04/2011 08:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandma got up at 6:30am, clattered about the bathroom then sang religious songs at the top of her voice for half an hour. Apparently this is her normal routine, weekends included. She is staying with us for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 965

You deserved it 3 704

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 20:36 - United States - Denver

Today, I got a new skin cream for my acne. I tested it on a small patch of skin just to make sure I wasn't allergic. I was, and the reaction didn't stay on that small patch of skin. My left arm is now almost entirely covered in a horrible rash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 900

You deserved it 1 615

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 042

You deserved it 4 829

By bitchsawmebuyit - 08/12/2012 17:12 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize my receipt was misplaced. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 200

You deserved it 4 592

By Tyler - 03/09/2012 09:37 - Australia - Killara

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 109

You deserved it 1 957

By ShitShoveler - 14/04/2017 14:00 - United States - Abington

Today, a month after getting a big promotion, I found out that I'm stuck with my old job. No one wants to take my old position, so they are vacating my new one and will post it, because, "This one is more desirable, and your's is shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 201

You deserved it 330

By Eric Forrest - 24/02/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 108

You deserved it 23 919

By j_portal - 26/10/2014 03:47 - United States - Carlstadt

Today, as I was laying in bed in my dark room, with only my phone's light on, a huge moth flew around it and directly into my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 796

You deserved it 5 523

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, at my girlfriend's place I cleaned up her room, put candles everywhere, scented the air and placed rose petals all over her bed in an attempt to be romantic and loving. The first thing she said when she saw all this was "uggg I have to clean all this up". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 238

You deserved it 5 445

By Anonymous - 07/11/2016 20:13

Today, I went to the store to buy new blankets and a comforter. A cute guy started chatting with me and asked about the new bedroom decor. I lied and said I just had a major break up and needed new things, instead of admitting I was too lazy to dig out and wash my winter blankets from last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 814

You deserved it 3 239

By Anonymous - 23/01/2016 11:26 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my dog once again desperately tried to yank me straight into the path of a bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 947

You deserved it 2 277

By Anonymous - 01/07/2014 04:26 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, after losing his job, I reassured my boyfriend by telling him I'd rather be with him living in a cardboard box than to be without him. He responded by telling me he'd rather be dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 365

You deserved it 6 067

By suckstobeme - 12/04/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, as I got down on one knee, and was in the middle of saying "Will you marry me?", she answered a text message. Apparently it was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163 665

You deserved it 10 696

By Noname - 06/03/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I found out my four best friends are going to Florida for spring break without me. When asked why I was not invited to go with them the answer I received was, "we don't think you would look very good in a bathing suit, and we want to be able to pick up cute guys on the beach." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 521

You deserved it 6 411

Feeders

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years dumped me, after he intentionally made me fat so that I wouldn't leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 877

By arrestedgun - 23/05/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 348

You deserved it 58 534

Cut these people out of your life

By Anonymous - 19/12/2021 17:01

Today, one of my closest friends is an antivaxxer. Neither I nor my family are guaranteed to survive Covid, even though we are vaccinated, and I just can't understand why she will not get the jab when she knows so many people have died from Covid, while only a handful have died from the vax DUE TO COMPLICATIONS, and now she may hate me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 737

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 593

You deserved it 4 122

Whoops

By 8reth72 - 11/06/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, I was helping a couple come up with a name for the baby they just had. I suggested "Joshua" thinking that it was an okay name. All sudden, the room got quiet. Turns out I had forgotten that Joshua was the name of their 3 year-old son who had died a couple months before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 168

You deserved it 86 963

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Top comments

darkmis1 17

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:48

Thats horrible. How could your father make you do that? I would've told him that your dog should just stay buried. I'm sorry you lost him.

aback 4

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Monday 28 September 2009 2:10

Shit--HE is the one wants the cremation, let HIM go dig him up.

Sing_Along 7

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:43

that sucks so much

Zerizle 19

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Wednesday 16 July 2014 0:05

if he wants the dog cremated, tell him to dig it out himself!

capital_seven 0

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:44

...There is no 11.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:46

There is no you. There is no me. There is no FMyLife. There is no existence. There is nothing.

darkmis1 17

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:48

Thats horrible. How could your father make you do that? I would've told him that your dog should just stay buried. I'm sorry you lost him.

jackkerouc9 0

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:48

Deep man, very existential.

bboyp3nguin 0

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:48

It's a good workout :D

robotiick 12

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Wednesday 13 April 2011 23:11

hey a family member died and yes I count dogs as family members

rampersaud 10

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Wednesday 29 August 2012 3:38

Yeah, if you have to do that I'm going to say the exact same thing to you.

I_Like_Dogs 28

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Tuesday 3 November 2015 16:50

His dog died, you insensitive piece of shit. How would you feel if you had to dig your best friend's grave twice?

JohnE3 0

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:50

Atleast he didn't freak out... Right?

allmidnighteyes 10

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:51

Also, #1 is a twatwaffle Your dad probably made you unbury the dog because he wanted sum good canine eatin'

xCrackerx 3

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:51

Just think, you get to see your dog one more time.

Chaosdude4 0

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Monday 28 September 2009 9:18

so wrong, but... i can't help but laugh. GOD i feel guilty for it...

tails8880 3

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Monday 28 September 2009 1:53

awww.. well once i accidently dug up my dead rabbits tibia ( i thought the rabbit was ganna haunt me ) .. if that makes you feel better.........................