Today, my wife and I got into an argument. She ran out, yelling.... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 46

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 138

18/07/2019 14:00

Today, my wife and I got into an argument. She ran out, yelling. Later, at work, I felt guilty, so I picked up some flowers and a card. When I presented them to her, she looked puzzled. I made the mistake of reminding her about our argument. She is now mad at me, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 283

Dysfunctional

Broken heart

Baby you can drive my car

Go away

By pokèscared - 10/03/2020 05:00

Today, the creepy dude I’d been desperately trying to avoid was able to figure out which building I work in, the general vicinity of my house and which restaurants I frequent. He learned all this by the gifts I sent, not knowing it was him, on the Pokémon Go app. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 529

10/07/2012 15:39

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 832

You deserved it 31 110

09/09/2009 20:16

Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 850

You deserved it 4 599

09/09/2010 10:01

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 112

You deserved it 39 848

30/06/2010 08:04

Today, I was studying late and kept hearing weird screeching sounds from outside. I couldn't figure out what it was and started getting really freaked out. It wasn't until later that I realized it was just my nose whistling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 790

You deserved it 33 392

Smoking hot dude

By Anonymous - 05/07/2018 19:00

Today, I told my parents that I'm a smoker. My mother started crying, and said she worried I was gay, but this is almost as bad. That lead on to part two of my confession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 192

You deserved it 692

23/02/2010 18:57

Today, I found out that my girlfriend started a fake argument and pretended to be mad at me for four days, which was almost enough time for the gigantic hickey that my best friend gave her on her neck to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 040

You deserved it 2 451

03/07/2016 12:39

Today, I found out that my company used a nice photo of my coworkers and me for their corporate website, in efforts to make their office seem fun and relaxed. This wouldn't be so bad if they hadn't just fired every single person in the photo, myself included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 234

You deserved it 1 090

The mouthfeel

By rookiemistake - 27/04/2015 03:12

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 882

You deserved it 10 086

16/03/2013 15:51

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 7 624

23/01/2014 03:42

Today, I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue, and so are my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair, which is now green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 374

You deserved it 21 258

30/05/2019 22:00

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 766

You deserved it 1 757

03/08/2012 11:28

Today, my boyfriend told me he still has the key to our mailbox, while being at the other part of the country. Not to worry though, he sent it over. By mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 748

You deserved it 2 190

16/07/2009 23:39

Today, while going through airport security the lady asked why I folded everything so small. I said that I was going away for a month and needed to fit a lot of stuff in only one bag. She smiled, nodded and then dumped my luggage to search for "drugs and other illegal teen things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 873

You deserved it 3 288

22/08/2013 00:09

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 943

You deserved it 3 954

07/12/2010 00:20

Spicy

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 323

You deserved it 9 920

17/09/2014 22:10

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 741

You deserved it 3 368

13/05/2012 13:08

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been paying her half of the rent by taking my ATM card and getting money from my account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 425

You deserved it 5 586

16/02/2012 01:54

Today, I started speaking gibberish in the middle of the conversation with my mom to see if she would notice. She didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 021

You deserved it 3 094

09/12/2016 19:14

Today, I passed out on the way to work. Some lucky passerby took this as an opportunity to help themself to my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 989

You deserved it 767

22/02/2009 01:15

Today, while on a blind date at Hooters, I ordered my food and the waitress asked me if I was stoned, because she couldn't understand me. I have a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 843

You deserved it 4 412

23/05/2015 02:26

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 460

You deserved it 2 746

25/11/2016 13:45

Today, a customer threw a bottle of milk at me because we'd moved our smoke counter 6 months earlier during our renovations. Moved it five metres to the right that is. He marched out of the store, then marched back, grabbed the milk from my hands, threw $5 at me and then left again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 181

You deserved it 579

27/04/2012 15:22

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 200

You deserved it 2 558

27/07/2009 20:08

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 524

You deserved it 22 052

04/04/2009 19:42

Today, I was driving on the freeway when I saw a car in front of me swerving across 3 lanes of traffic. Thinking he might be drunk, I dialed 911 on my phone, but I dropped it. I fished under my seat to get it, swerving, and got pulled over by highway patrol and given a field sobriety test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 094

You deserved it 30 892

06/02/2017 21:00

Today, I was talking to a girl online and she stopped talking to me abruptly after seeing my picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 229

You deserved it 761

22/02/2013 00:16

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 092

You deserved it 50 131

It's Thursday!

By horriblefashionsense - 26/09/2013 15:20

Today, I went in the diner I always pass by and ordered a sandwich. When I asked how much it was, the waitress replied, "Don't worry, honey. We give free meals to the homeless on Thursdays." I was too ashamed to deny it, so I just said thank you and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 512

You deserved it 6 238

09/02/2015 06:23

Today, I boarded a plane. A woman decided that she didn't like where she put her carry on luggage and pulled it out from over my head. The heavy luggage then fell right into my face, the wheel smacking me in the mouth busting my lip open. She just laughed and waltzed away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 800

You deserved it 2 486

29/07/2015 12:04

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 717

You deserved it 2 544

10/05/2016 22:42

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 728

You deserved it 1 489

29/05/2012 07:54

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 429

You deserved it 2 897

19/11/2008 05:59

Today, I spent the night in hospital. As soon as I was alone, I writhed and twisted in all directions in my attempts to pee in a bottle left precisely for that purpose. It was at that moment that the doctor, a good-looking guy, came in. My legs were spread wide and I was right in the middle of doing my business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 963

You deserved it 3 489

Fun-filled vacation together!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 15:02

Today, I found out my boyfriend can't swim and we are about to go on a romantic holiday to Zanzibar where all our excursions include water-based activities. His solution is that I just go do them all by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 219

You tried

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 06:01

Today, in an effort to try and be closer to my girlfriend's son, I bought him an expensive Xbox game I know he desperately wanted so we could play it together. He was excited, until he realised that I that paid for it. He snapped the disc and threw the pieces in the bin. At least I tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 254

You deserved it 168

04/02/2009 17:04

Today, a guy in the library came up to me and said, "You look very unproductive. It makes me depressed just watching you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 886

You deserved it 4 752

15/06/2013 21:08

Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 567

You deserved it 5 718

06/04/2017 14:00

Today, at work, I went to place a small item on a shelf. The shelf fell on me, trapping my hand. While lifting it, the top shelf fell against my chest and the products all dumped on my face. I then realized the shelves were only held up by zip ties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 779

You deserved it 340

17/12/2016 17:39

Today, I was working at our garage sale with my dad. I sat outside for 2 hours, talked to three people, and sold nothing. My dad came outside and got angry at me, so I told him to give it a shot. He sold 3 things to the first guy who walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 959

You deserved it 1 006

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Top comments

NPDclusterBaware 8

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Thursday 18 July 2019 17:11

Communicate, don't use flowers and chocolates

raven_of_azarath 34

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Thursday 18 July 2019 19:29

Why not use flowers and chocolates to apologize, then talk calmly about it?

Comments

Henry8cooper 15

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Thursday 18 July 2019 14:24

You just can't win 😂

NPDclusterBaware 8

Send a private message

Thursday 18 July 2019 17:11

Communicate, don't use flowers and chocolates

raven_of_azarath 34

Send a private message

Thursday 18 July 2019 19:29

Why not use flowers and chocolates to apologize, then talk calmly about it?

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 19 July 2019 1:49

Seems like we need to know the subject of the argument to know if your bribe was sufficient to quell her anger.

Send a private message

Friday 19 July 2019 10:41

If she forgot about it, say because I was thinking of you. That’ll give you forgiveness points towards the next. Use our bad memories to your advantage just like we do to you.