Transportation: Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed that someone smeared "wash me" into the grime of my car. I decided to take it to get a wash. I pulled up, put my vehicle in neutral, and kicked back as it slowly started to move. You never realize how long it takes a sun roof to close until water is dumping on your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15751

You deserved it

60856

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Walk on the wild side

Nutters Inc.

By Never Work With Animals or Children - United States - Van Nuys

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25120

You deserved it

2606

Tweet

Share

By Grossedouttt - United States

TMI

Today, my mother texted me while I was at work asking me to pick up a door-stopper on my way home. When I asked her why she explained that she and my dad were trying to make love but the dog kept pushing the door open. What an image. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43273

You deserved it

3686

Tweet

Share

By blazer - United States

Today, my daughter asked me what is the youngest age at which you should start having sex. Being a good mom, I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh... shoot," and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

78855

You deserved it

14573

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, we finally got our first electricity bill for our new flat. I was shocked to see that we had used £60 worth of electricity in 6 weeks. Then I noticed that it was only an estimate, and that we could read the meter ourselves to correct the amount. We now have to pay nearly £400. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27872

You deserved it

7755

Tweet

Share

By Broke as hell - 7/4/2020 23:00

Hangry

Today, after being robbed last week, I had no money to go to the store for food. Instead, my dinner consisted of two Tums chewables in tropical fruit flavors. After not eating all day, I thought they actually tasted pretty good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1917

You deserved it

137

Tweet

Share

By FirmlyInEngland - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41123

You deserved it

5531

Tweet

Share

By aineroo - Ireland - Galway

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33562

You deserved it

3892

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Racing rats

Today, after working my ass off for months for an open supervisor job at my work, I found out that they hired someone for the position. The guy has never worked for the company before, has a background completely unrelated to what we do, and has to be trained as he knows nothing about what we do. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1567

You deserved it

110

Tweet

Share

By Depression... - United States

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35002

You deserved it

9071

Tweet

Share

By Anonymos_fmler - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33825

You deserved it

5276

Tweet

Share

By Jessie - United States

Today, I got stuck listening to my coworker bang on about how sexy her fiancé is for almost an hour. She told me about their sex life, described his dick in great detail, and showed me pictures of him shirtless. My coworker is 49; her fiancé is 56 and overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46567

You deserved it

4619

Tweet

Share

By dukemisery - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after being trapped in an elevator for 4 hours, I really had to pee. Just when I decided to pee in the elevator shaft, the lift doors opened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7908

You deserved it

1113

Tweet

Share

By Spoopy Flame III - 18/11/2020 17:02

Academia ain't for everyone

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

717

You deserved it

275

Tweet

Share

By neverdoingthatagain - United States - Pottstown

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones made her extremely horny. The doctor said that intercourse during pregnancy was very healthy, so we decided to do it. Let's just say that the bumpy ride didn't help her morning sickness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21178

You deserved it

2088

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

The Gush

Today, I had planned to do a twenty-minute colon cleanse enema for weight loss. Instead, I woke up in the middle of the night with uncontrollable diarrhea that’s still going strong. Eight hours and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

718

You deserved it

1909

Tweet

Share

By sparkus

Today, while out hiking with my girlfriend, she thought it would be funny to push me down a small hill. It turned out there was a 16 foot drop at the end of it, and now my leg is in a cast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25585

You deserved it

1706

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I really had to pee at work and rushed to the urinal. I unzipped but couldn't find the hole in the front of my boxers and ended up pissing my pants. I had put my boxers on backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2397

You deserved it

3604

Tweet

Share

By Sad Student - Canada - Toronto

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42560

You deserved it

15995

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Albany

Today, discovered that all the viruses I have gotten on my computer at work haven't been from anything I've done, but because my boss has secretly been using it after hours to download or watch porn so he wouldn't risk getting a virus on his own computer. I've lost 3 major projects due to this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15929

You deserved it

894

Tweet

Share

By ragingwaffles - United States - Chico

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42151

You deserved it

3873

Tweet

Share

By Dontsitsitandyoudie - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, I went to sit on a desk chair, which promptly rolled out from under me. This made me fall on my own foot, literally shattering two bones. I just bought a 9-month gym membership and can't use it because I wanted to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4035

You deserved it

379

Tweet

Share

By bablessinbedsty

Today, I announced to my fiance that I was pregnant with twins. He immediately called off the engagement, furious at me because we "agreed to only have one child". Sorry my embryo decided to split in two. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8297

You deserved it

610

Tweet

Share

By boomstick - United States

Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40512

You deserved it

5355

Tweet

Share

By girl - United States

Today, in dance class we did a choreography where we wear two shirts and take one off in one quick motion. After I took mine off, the audience goes "aaah". Then I realize that I had taken both my shirts off as stood there with only my bra on. I was being videotaped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33208

You deserved it

6416

Tweet

Share

By yup - United States

Today, I thought it would be hot if I sent my boyfriend kinky message. He didn't reply so I sent a few more. 10 minutes later I got a reply saying, "Honey, this is his mom and you should be a little less desperate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23116

You deserved it

57013

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/11/2020 01:57 - United States

Strange metric

Today, I decided that I need to lose weight when I discovered I could no longer chew on my own toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

203

You deserved it

1364

Tweet

Share

By Glassjaw - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44622

You deserved it

7885

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 12:01 - Australia - Carnegie

Compassionate

Today, I tried to speak to my wife about my feelings for this coming year, family and work. I thought it wouldn't be a problem as I regularly listen and support her with her feelings, emotional issues, anxiety, depression, etc. She shut me down in 30 seconds and said to stop acting like my mother and being so stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1137

You deserved it

82

Tweet

Share

By annika - 6/9/2020 08:07 - Canada

Meet the family

Today, I finally took the courage to introduce my ginger boyfriend to my family. It didn't go too well. My dad asked if he could call him "Ron Weasley" and my 13-year-old brother asked if he had a soul. Now I'm single again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1433

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

By zerom - France

Today, I was discussing the traffic with my brother. He said the most common car colour is red. I said it was black. We ended up betting €100 on which three vehicles of either colour would pass by our house first. It seems a convoy of fire trucks had somewhere to be in a hurry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35117

You deserved it

12201

Tweet

Share

By Flora - United States - Watsonville

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51547

You deserved it

3282

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1564

You deserved it

241

Tweet

Share

By pardon my English :$ - France

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49390

You deserved it

3553

Tweet

Share

By Ugly - United States - Jerseyville

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44058

You deserved it

3481

Tweet

Share

By Dave B - Reserved

Today, I was verbally abused by a guy in a 4-wheel-drive twat-tank for listening to music on my iPod while I was "blocking the way." I was standing on the footpath waiting for a bus. At a bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27383

You deserved it

2684

Tweet

Share

By two-hours-to-pick-up - Australia

Today, I was in a fancy department store. I was wearing my travel backpack. I was turning around after paying at the checkout and my backpack hit a metre-tall display covered with necklaces. It went crashing to the floor, hitting another display table laden with jewelry that collapsed under it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29976

You deserved it

10740

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31360

You deserved it

4456

Tweet

Share

By Bad at life

Today, I pulled a muscle in my face. Chewing gum. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2015

You deserved it

585

Tweet

Share

By Brilliant... - United Kingdom

Today, it was my birthday. Some 17 year olds will receive cars as presents from their parents. Mine, however, booked me a plot in the local graveyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50466

You deserved it

5291

Tweet

Share

By Peelates

Yoga to watch out

Today, I prepared to do my early morning yoga, lowered myself on to the mat then felt a wet patch on my stomach. Turns out my roommate's cat had taken a piss on my orange mat and I'd been too tired to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4824

You deserved it

645

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By chasing_adalia | 0

#164566 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:49

If you forgot to close your sun roof, you definitely deserve it.

By z4opv14 | 0

#164565 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:48

Haha, should've thought about that before.

COMMENTS

By z4opv14 | 0

#164565 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:48

Haha, should've thought about that before.

Reply

coolster56 | 0

#981764 - Monday 19 April 2010 12:38

this reminds me of top gear when they try to make a convertival people carrier and when it goes through the car wash they somehow set the car wash on fire they then run.

By chasing_adalia | 0

#164566 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:49

If you forgot to close your sun roof, you definitely deserve it.

Reply

Gstone5 | 0

#1053038 - Friday 2 July 2010 2:12

haha epic fail!!

By yer_maw | 0

#164571 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:50

rofl in a waffle

that was entertaining

Reply

bridgette5866 | 0

#898527 - Saturday 27 February 2010 22:13

No, your comment was entertaining. But nice wording, OP.

By llSgtScopell | 0

#164576 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:50

Im sure you just panicked under pressure. SHITS WEAK

By shmaller | 0

#164592 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:54

Well, now the inside of your car is definitely going to need a cleaning out. At least you're right there.

By insane_chick | 0

#164596 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:54

Ouch... I sure hope your interior is okay. but you should have checked all your windows before going into the car wash.

By rosesareblue | 0

#164598 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:55

so how's that leather interior now?

By tick_tock | 0

#164599 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:55

This is lame. YDI.

By Pokerdance | 0

#164603 - Sunday 3 May 2009 17:55

You deserved it for not paying attention.

By esklstar | 0

#164647 - Sunday 3 May 2009 18:03

that sucks fyl but ydi for not putting it up in the first place so its kind of 50 -50