Today, I discovered I have bed bugs. I have nowhere else to sleep and I won't be able to afford a new mattress for at least a year. I'd better get used to these giant welts. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, three days after finally having a bed to sleep on, I woke up with multiple bedbug bites. I can't use my blankets, wear any of my clothes and it's back to sleeping on the floor for me. FML
Today, I discovered that my bed has a flea infestation. I discovered it after sleeping naked in it for about an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I moved back in after over a month of couch hopping and $2,000 of heat and chemical treatments for a chronic bedbug issue. I just found bedbugs on my legs. We've used all our favors and have nowhere to go. FML
Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML
Today, after three visits from exterminators and another from a steam cleaner, I still have bedbugs. FML
Today, I found out that my recurring acne is actually bedbug bites. I have wasted about a hundred dollars on acne cream. FML
Today, after finally going to therapy for anxiety like everyone wanted, I discovered the itching feeling that kept me awake at night was actually caused by a bedbug infestation. FML
Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML
Today, I learned that my house's fly infestation is worse than I thought. I now have maggots crawling and dropping from my ceiling. I have to sleep under them. FML
Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML
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Top comments
UpsidedownKayak 9
Anti-peasents? That's what is wrong with this kingdom, there are too many peasants. We need to find ways to motivate them to grow and harvest food more efficiently. The floggings are just not working like they used to do. That way we can increase our manpower for the construction of the castle. I would like it to be completed in thirty years so I can use the money left over for the training of knights. We also need to widen the forest by the road so there is safe passage through Sherwood Forest.
alwa7sh 2
Apparently they are the only ones keeping you company in bed.
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Comments (204)
reborne 9
Vacuum your bed regularly. It won't get rid of them but it should reduce the numbers and get rid of the bigger ones for you.
iloveboyswittats 10
vacuuming won't help. OP needs to go to the store and buy a bug bomb, they're only a couple dollars, take all soft items, i.e. ones that can be laundered and wash them in hot water. Once the fumigation is done the mattress needs a plastic cover, one that seals the whole thing in. and everything else needs to be washed down with bleach. This isn't the first time OP has had problems with bed bugs because there are no visible signs after the first infestation.
Jewelofagal 2
It's a well-known fact that common pesticides, like bug bombs, don't affect bedbugs. DDT kills them off, but ya can't get it DDT any more as it's been outlawed.
TheDrifter 24
Bleach and raid liquid together op. Kills em dead. It will however also kill any other living creatures that might ingest it, so you may want to remove all pets and dimwitted roommates from the house first.
fmchi 2
Bedbugs have been immune to DDT for decades.
emoooze 0
Aw, sleep with me, i'm poor.... i afoorded a bed but can't afford pyjamas! Sleeping in undies and bras in uncomfty too? what do you say! I'm a cup size 'F16' :)
neondeath 0
if u invite op to sleep with u than u will have bed bugs lol (they travel like lice(well not exactly like lice but same concept))
rapbaby11 0
i got bed bugs to.. ill sleep with u
balzackgoo 3
Just an FYI if you could afford a new mattress.... the bed bugs would just infect that mattress too, the don't just live in there... the live all over that room. they make mattress covers that'll seal in the bugs and eggs, but you need to treat the problem.... google it!
RipleyTheRef 1
They don't live in beds, they live by electrical sockets and electrical stuff.
MoniV6661 0
Not true. They can live almost anywhere in a person's sleeping area. Whether it be pillows, bed sheets, or the box and mattress itself.
Prolusive 5
It puts a whole new meaning to the phrase "Don't let the bed bugs bite" If you have visitors you can say "Don't let the bed bugs bite" then in the morning laugh at them and told you warned them. There's an up side to everything.
UpsidedownKayak 9
How does it change the meaning of that phrase? It doesn't change the meaning at all, it has always meant that and it still does. When someone says, "Don't let the bed bugs bit." They MEAN don't let the ******* bed bugs bit.
UpsidedownKayak 9
*bite x2 (sighing and shaking head)
ohSNAPyall 27
Haha I'm glad someone else was thinking this.
hghiPigh 0
16 reminds me of someone who said "omg look! they've invented a product and named it after douche bags!!!!!!!"
SlytherinAngel 0
Creepy. Do something about it.
Bathory_fml 0
Air mattresses cost like $40. If it takes you a year to raise that, bed bugs are the least of your problems...
margxoxo 0
Good idea, OP should've thought of an air mattress.
MrRawwr84 0
errrr YOU NASTY :S
InsaneGenius 0
If you wait a year to afford a new mattress you're gonna have to be able to afford a whole new place to live. They invade beds, curtains, sofas, basically anywhere they can hide, even wood furniture. You need to buy sprays or whatever you canto get rid of them now, and wash everything in hot water and dry on highest heat setting. Like the other comment said, google what to do.
InsaneGenius 0
*can to