Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Same thing different taste
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Access denied
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Don't you want me baby?
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Get on with it
Today, I got home at 6:30 after a 12-hour shift. I sat down on the sofa, and my wife immediately stomped in and said, "Why are you sitting doing nothing? Get up, there's a million things to do." FML
Let's get it on
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Randy
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Parenting is exhausting
Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML
Top comments
genius_man16 1
Rejected. Maybe you should be better in bed? Or maybe it was just one of those days for your wife? Idk, lots of explanations, but unless you haven't gotten any for weeks this really isn't an FML.
mattmag 0
So take a nap with her, cuddle and whatnot, then **** when you wake up.
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Comments (128)
monicamischief 0
@ 54 so basically you are saying that, in a relationship, you can do whatever the **** you want? that you shouldn't have to make your partner happy? well, okay. but in that case, he shouldn't have to make you happy either. it's perfectly okay for him to only listen to what you have to say two times a month. the rest of the time he can sit around, watch TV, and ignore you. he only has to take you out on a date twice a month. if you are okay with that, then sure, what you said is fine and i know you're going to say "lol it's not the same thing" but it is. sex ISNT just about a physical need. not in a relationship. it is about an emotional need as well, especially for most men. so if you cannot fufill his emotional needs, he doesn't have to fufill yours. again, if you are okay with that, then what you said is fine. if you are not, then you are wrong. and i really hope you stay single.
Combat_Mushroom 3
#54, #47 might be a bit over the top, but she is right. My gf is like that & i love it. I work my ass off to make sure she is happy [getting her flowers, going out to fancy restaurants & ect]. b/c i know that she does the same for me & how valuable it is. & Yes, having sex often [with your bf] is the best way to avoid being cheated on. I can think of a few times i would have cheated on my gf if sex was rare
Casualt1234 0
This reminds me of another FML from a while ago where the girl texted her boyfriend that she wanted to have the sex and the boyfriend replied, "You have fingers, use them. I'm going to bed." Sometimes people are just too tired for sex, get over it. And for all of the people saying "Oh I would have sex even if I was dead tired!" are either 11 year old virgins or losers or both like #36. It has nothing to do with how the OP is doing in bed. OP - just wait a day or so... Also, don't use the phrase "proceeded to go to bed." You're an adult. You should know better.
mcsnelly 5
#56--um never listening to someone IS a lot different than not having sex with someone just because THEY'RE in the mood. They're really not even comparable things. I mean really, you can have a relationship without sex (not that I'm saying everyone should do this) but you really can't have much of a relationship without good communication (meaning you have to LISTEN to each other). #54 wasn't saying to just forget about sex. She was saying that if one person's in the mood and the other isn't then in NO WAY should the person who's not in the mood for anything have to just give up and do it if they really don't want to.
12bee195 0
Ha ha im sry that rele sucks for u........maybe she doesnt want to have sex wit you anymore!! haha
monicamischief 0
um, no, you cannot have a good adult relationship without sex. sorry. without the physical part of a relationship, it's not a romantic relationships. you're just friends. and again, what i said was in reference if this has happened to the OP on SEVERAL OCCASIONS, as i have said several times. i am not saying that EVERY SINGLE TIME your partner wants to have sex, you should have sex with them. i am saying that if you only have sex once or twice a month because you just 'don't feel like it', then you are being a bad lover and shouldn't be surprised if you are cheated on. and @ 58, i am 20 and have had plenty of sex, probably more than you, because i actually ENJOY sex and i also ENJOY pleasing my lover. and again, please learn to state your opinion without calling names. it is very immature.
slitherysloth 0
And what 56 is saying is that if he's not in the mood to listen to her bitch all the time, he shouldn't have to. Many of my previous girlfriends have expected me to buy them things, take them out places, or do various other favors for them. In return, I would get nothing. The only thing that they're gonna get in return isn't more things or favors, it's being broken up with or cheated on.
mcsnelly 5
#61--not everyone's relationships depend on sex. Some couples just don't do it very often because neither one of them wants to but that doesn't mean they don't have a good relationship or are "just friends." And what about older couples who can't have sex anymore? Do you think that means they don't have a good adult relationship?
monicamischief 0
@ 62 that's EXACTLY what i am saying. apparently people cannot read or choose not to. @ 63 if both lovers in a relationship do not feel like having sex often, there is no conflict. i said it is a friendship if there is NO sex, not a little. if BOTH people don't want sex OFTEN, there is no problem. that's not what i said at all. please read before trying to argue your point. i shouldn't have to spell every little thing out, here. and there is a difference between not being able to have sex and not having sex. if an older couple cannot have sex anymore because the guy can't just get it up, or they are disabled, or whatever reason, of course they are still lovers. assuming, of course, that they USED to have sex when they were able to have sex.
12bee195 0
holy crap ur peoples are being a big fat ass babies she was ****** tired and and wasnt in the freaking mood jeez get over it!!!! =]