Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I got home at 6:30 after a 12-hour shift. I sat down on the sofa, and my wife immediately stomped in and said, "Why are you sitting doing nothing? Get up, there's a million things to do." FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
Rejected. Maybe you should be better in bed? Or maybe it was just one of those days for your wife? Idk, lots of explanations, but unless you haven't gotten any for weeks this really isn't an FML.
mattmag 0
So take a nap with her, cuddle and whatnot, then **** when you wake up.
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Comments (128)
DeathByIrony90 0
uhm, #87, since when is "I attempted to seduce my wife upon returning home" NOT "attempting to turn her on before you decide its the time to do it"?!! Reading comprehension *Fail*. However, being a guy who's not really been in a real relationship yet, much less married, I gotta say FML has given me some indirect pointers on what questions to ask before proceeding in any relationship. What she did was a tad bit disrespectful IMO, not even an explanation as to why she was tired at 6:30???!
snoosnoo 1
#61 Are you telling us that asexual people cannot have romantic relationships? Romantic relationships are about the emotional connection, not just about sexy time -_- .
Clay_Allison 0
If someone was that interested in avoiding intimacy with me, they'd get what they wanted. I recently broke off a long distance relationship because it wasn't getting any shorter and I realized that I was drinking because I felt unloved and emotionally unsupported. Whisky had become my "liquid hug" and I needed to stop. If your girlfriend or wife blows you off like that with no regard for your feelings, you can either quit her and find someone who gives a crap about you, or start drinking.
lifeseemstosuck 0
sorry! unless you're 90 years old and you also eat baby food for each meal, your life totally sucks!
Electrolight_fml 0
Oh welllll :] It just shows that she really does love you! If she's still with you AND she married you even if you're crap in bed, it shows that she's willing to put aside a shitty sexlife to be with you. Though the way she presented that is a little bit blunt, lack of food (people don't eat much whilst working), lack of sleep (like you say) and hardwork makes people ratty. No problem here :)
photo_phreak 0
Damn man that SUCKS! You know how women can get. Biiiiiitchy :)
geemister 0
I think your wife does not love or like you anymore. How often does this happen?
NoahLou 0
You got home after being at work for 12 hours? Did you shower first? Next time shower and bring flowers. Just a suggestion.
dvs01 0
Why would you marry someone like that?
Laxloverr24 0
go to the strip club instead. she won't notice.