Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I got home at 6:30 after a 12-hour shift. I sat down on the sofa, and my wife immediately stomped in and said, "Why are you sitting doing nothing? Get up, there's a million things to do." FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
genius_man16 1
Rejected. Maybe you should be better in bed? Or maybe it was just one of those days for your wife? Idk, lots of explanations, but unless you haven't gotten any for weeks this really isn't an FML.
mattmag 0
So take a nap with her, cuddle and whatnot, then **** when you wake up.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (128)
She_Ra 1
wow. Are there things going on in your marriage that maybe you don't know about. You need to talk to her and figure out what is going on. But when you do talk...make sure it's talking, not blaming eachother and yelling.
lolwut_fail 0
It all depends if your wife is a chronic sex evader...or if this was a genuine excuse. If you never get sex with her, FYL. If she was just tired when you wanted sex, one time deal, Get over yourself.
mothfather 0
Sometimes, people get tired.
monicamischief 0
@ 37 if i didn't feel like sex, but my boyfriend came back from a hard day of work and really needed to relax, i would have sex with him anyway. it's called being a good wife or good girlfriend. sometimes you have to do what you don't want if it makes the other person happy. : / (not that this has happened to me more than like, twice, considering i actually have a functioning sex drive unlike most girls) there are too many stupid chicks who think the can get away with only have sex once or twice a month and that it's alright. it's NOT. it's mean, it's rude, and it's cruel to do this to your husband or boyfriend. no WONDER they cheat on you, jesus christ. and i am assuming from the OP's post that this is something that happens a lot, or he wouldn't feel the need to post on FML after one time (if it has never happened before) having sex once or twice a month is not okay.
monicamischief 0
also, there is no need for name calling over the internet. be mature, now. you can state your opinion without calling someone else an ass.
simplyabsurd 0
Either you're lame in bed (get help, FAST), or your wife is useless. I hope you don't let things go on that way forever, because that would be pathetic.
mcsnelly 5
maybe you shouldn't immediately try to have sex with your wife the second you walk in the door. Doesn't exactly put someone in the mood when you walk in and the first thing you say after not seeing each other all day is that you want sex.
mcsnelly 5
Oh and #50-so because his wife is tired and doesn't want to have sex one night she's useless?? Wake the **** up, asshole.
ThatsAli3 0
# 47. Actually it is okay. In fact, we can do whatever the **** we want. Maybe YOU feel the need to constantly please your boyfriend all the time, and that's your prerogative. I'm sure he loves you for that. But don't you dare try to tell everyone else what to do. I happen to have a perfectly functioning sex drive, but if I'm not in the mood, I'm not going to do it. Period. So get over yourself, and stop advising the world on how many times a month it's acceptable to have sex.
Combat_Mushroom 3
Time to find a new wife, hot intern or prostitute.