Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I got home at 6:30 after a 12-hour shift. I sat down on the sofa, and my wife immediately stomped in and said, "Why are you sitting doing nothing? Get up, there's a million things to do." FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
Rejected. Maybe you should be better in bed? Or maybe it was just one of those days for your wife? Idk, lots of explanations, but unless you haven't gotten any for weeks this really isn't an FML.
mattmag 0
So take a nap with her, cuddle and whatnot, then **** when you wake up.
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Comments (128)
D1STURB3D 0
DAMNIT 17th FML i moderated so i could write "#1 COMMENT :D" but no :( #106
misssay 0
damn - it happens. you hottt?
xHaniffax 0
Why did she "proceed" to go directly to bed? She didn't she went directly to bed will people ever learn?
D1STURB3D 0
if me yesss if somone else **** off :P :P
MrFail_fml 0
clearly you dont know how to handle your dick
lundo 3
wow 12 hour shifts you said that like its your frirst time. ive been workin 12s 4 to 6 days a week for almost a year now. as for not getting any owell
simplyabsurd 0
Yeah, I said useless. Tired at 6:30 in the evening? What, is she like 80 years old? No? Then yeah, she's useless. Look, I work overnights, six or seven days a week. I average three hours of sleep a day, and yeah my job is fairly labor intensive. When I get out of work, I take my) son to school. When I get home (I don't live my gf, we're moving in together next month), I have to cook for myself, clean whatever mess my room mate has left for me, do all the normal routine crap like shower and check my email, and at some point during the week I have to do food shopping, pay bills, and hopefully find time to entertain myself. But when my gf needs something form me, anything (i.e. she has to work early or late and can't watch our son) I have to stay awake and suck it up. I have to go three or four days sometimes on coffee and cigarettes, but if she even in the slightest shows any enthusiasm towards anything, I'm there for her, because that's it's all about. I wouldn't be so adamant, but damn, she didn't even tell him off properly, just 'sleep is better than sex?' boring. People like that... well, I don't think I can even say that without starting a whole new war. But there's a place for them. I think it's in Jersey somewhere.
ktrp 0
Nobody is that tired. She's just avoiding sex. If you don't have kids, divorce her now. She is just living off you. I'm sure she 'cares' about you, but not like a wife should.
trapiadora 0
Damn that sucks maybe you should learn some new tricks. hahahaha or just wait for a better time. And if you did get blue balls i feel bad for you.
iGangsta 0
basically... that just sucks. either ur horrible at putting the wood to ur ole lady, or she's sleeping around.