Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I had to work late. Due to delayed trains and a missed connection, it was almost midnight when I finally got home. When I walked into the bedroom, I found my girlfriend wearing sexy lingerie and fast asleep. FML
Today, my wife spent all day texting me dirty things so I used some of my holiday hours to come home 3 hours early for some sexy time. During my drive home she got in a bad mood, and no longer wanted sex. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I got home at 6:30 after a 12-hour shift. I sat down on the sofa, and my wife immediately stomped in and said, "Why are you sitting doing nothing? Get up, there's a million things to do." FML
Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Today, it took me two hours to put all the kids to bed, so all I wanted to do was watch TV but my husband, who'd spent all that time asleep on the sofa, started pestering me for sex like he thought he deserved it after I'd asked him for help 3 times before just doing all the work myself. FML
Today, my husband woke up in the middle of the night feeling frisky. He woke me up, got me all hot and ready to go, then before I could get into position he fell back to sleep, leaving me to fend for myself. FML
Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML
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Top comments
genius_man16 1
Rejected. Maybe you should be better in bed? Or maybe it was just one of those days for your wife? Idk, lots of explanations, but unless you haven't gotten any for weeks this really isn't an FML.
mattmag 0
So take a nap with her, cuddle and whatnot, then **** when you wake up.
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Comments (128)
mcsnelly 5
to your #72 post-You're basically telling me that you really weren't even replying to my other comment then and now you're just arguing with yourself. to your #74 post-wow, do you honestly think so many people are getting divorced because they don't have sex before marriage? I'm pretty sure that's quite LOW on the list of reasons why people get divorced. And you're just kidding yourself if you actually believe that a physical connection is equal to an emotional connection. True, some people don't/can't want a physical connection without an emotional connection, but they're not really the same thing. (And by the way, you previously were talking about the guy in the relationship not listening to the girl AT ALL except for once or twice a month, not just bitching and whining about the relationship. Don't change your story if you want people to take you seriously.)
monicamischief 0
if you don't have any clue what is going on and can't even use the right form of 'you're', don't try to make a point. if you have an opinion you wish to argue, do so without calling names.
monicamischief 0
please state where i was arguing with myself in 72. i think you had trouble reading again. i am not arguing the marriage point because that has NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST as i already said. and obviously you missed the comment that sex was a very emotional connection for a lot of people. not just a physical one even though i have repeated that a few times now. if you are going to argue, actually address what i am SAYING, please.
mcsnelly 5
#77--way to pull out a really lame insult for #75 and he/she's not even talking about this conversation, he/she's talking about other people with earlier posts.
12bee195 0
hey #79 ur cool i like you
mcsnelly 5
Um yeah actually I did address what you said because I was talking about how you were saying an emotional connection (like communication) is on the same level as a physical one. So that would be why I said you were kidding yourself if you actually believe that. So how about you read what I said. You were the one who brought up the not having sex before marriage thing--I was not disapproving nor approving it, and I wasn't arguing for or against it. I was just saying that is not a major reason people get divorced like you eluded to. And you keep changing your story=you're not really arguing against my argument=you're arguing just to argue, or arguing with yourself.
monicamischief 0
actually, 79, if you could read, you see that the person said "btw whoever said that is rude not to have sex with someone or something like that i bet you havent even had sex and your problay like 40 or something haha 40 year old VIRGIN haha!!!" i am glad you can read. : / @ 81. for the last time, i am saying that sex is part of the EMOTIONAL connection for most people. meaning that even IF emotional connection is more important, my point still stands about sex. i have said this three times now. you are refusing to read what i am saying. and i AM arguing against what you are saying, you just refuse to read what i am saying. again. and again. this is not arguing. arguing with myself would be contradicting myself anyway, not whatever you think it is.
12bee195 0
jeez people are asses on this thing im only 13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
mcsnelly 5
#82-you basically just told me what I was telling you. That you ARE contradicting yourself. And what I've been saying is that an emotional connection is communication. You may want to believe that sex is an emotional connection, but it's not that is physical. It can enhance an already good emotional connection but it is not actually emotional, no matter how much you might think it is. And to the first part, um, that has nothing to do with what I said. I was talking about your pathetic attempt at an insult by correcting his/her grammar. And the post was to other people's posts that weren't even about what we were talking about yet you told him/her they don't even know what we're talking about....well that's because he/she wasn't talking to me OR you, but to other people and in that context he/she DOES not what he/she's talking about.
mcsnelly 5
correction-i meant he/she does *know* what he/she's talking about (instead of not)