Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML
Today, I accidentally dropped my phone in the toilet. I automatically dove my hand in and ran out of the stall with it. As I dried it, some girls were laughing. I assumed that they were laughing because my phone fell in the toilet. Then I noticed my pants were still down. FML
Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, I got the strong urge to pee right as I got home from work. In my hurry to get inside, I grabbed my keys out of my pocket. They flew out of my hand, into the bushes. I couldn't find them in time and ended up wetting myself in my driveway, three minutes before I had to pick my daughter up from school. FML
Today, I woke up desperately needing to pee. I sat up in bed, naked, and tried to decide if I should get dressed, or run for it and hope no one saw me. I guess I took too long to decide, because as soon as I stood up to run, I pissed on the floor. FML
Today, at work, I wet my pants. I had to throw my tighty-whities away. Since I didn't have underwear on, I chafed real bad and got a rash on my butthole and near my balls. I had to push my boyfriend off of me, all because it hurt too much to touch. FML
Today, I got into my boyfriend's car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML
Today, I was at work and I needed to pee. In my haste, I forgot to lock the door. A coworker walked in on me and I bolted up mid-stream to slam the door back shut. I had pee down my leg and pee squishing in my shoes for the rest of the day. I can still remember his tone of voice, yelling, "Sorry"! FML
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Top comments
peanutbutterfly 0
WOOOOOW... just claim it accidentally called him when you were doing the dishes
Phoenix_GAD 0
fail. lol i have a touch screen too. it calls random people.
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Comments (160)
MTF23 0
That's not FML. If you **** him you shouldn't care if he hears you pee.
soccergirl37 0
Whoever says "this isn't an FML" to anything is an arrogant S.O.B. *You* aren't the judge of what is and what isn't an FML. It's a different thing for everything. So stfu.
xOpheliacx 0
no, she left a MESSAGE of her peeing on his phone. you know, voicemail?
VivaLaSalmonReef 0
fail.
plexico 4
#51 Look carefully how poorly written it is. She should have written: "I left a message on his cell of me peeing." That would have cleared up the ambiguity, but destroyed the very funny imagery of my intentional misread.
plexico 4
I don't get it. You said YOUR phone fell out of your pocket, yet you managed to urinate all over HIS phone! I'd dump you if you peed on my phone!
Jellybones 0
I can't believe people actually found this funny. You people are the reason the Wayans brothers still have jobs, and I hate you for that.
xOpheliacx 0
ehhhh. it's not that big of a deal. Just tell him what happened, he'll understand. Not really an "FML."
BAbyR 0
um ew
dmmd8686 0
I mean, unless you were trying to pee super loudly, he probably couldn't even hear it. He'd probably delete the message after 3 seconds of hearing what would appear to be nothing. Not a big deal.
CallMeHush 1
508728752* leave message.
kb26hockey 0
not an fml.
SVelasquez 0
Oh, I remember trying to tell my date that I couldn't make it to lunch because I had the stomach flu. It came out like this "Hey, look, I can't make it to lunch today because...oh God! *retching sounds*."