Intimacy: Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how...

By screewit - 20/02/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101 737

You deserved it 4 964

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By desocrates - 20/06/2009 22:54 - United States

Today, at about 1 a.m. I got a drunk text from my girlfriend thanking me for the amazing sex last night. I have been out of town for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 656

You deserved it 4 062

Phone-blocked

By unamyous - 08/06/2012 13:26 - United States - Canoga Park

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom. Her phone rang and she stopped to have an hour long conversation with her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 640

You deserved it 4 156

Busted

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 23:41 - France

Today, my girlfriend left a message on my phone. It was just the sounds of her having sex with somebody. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 879

You deserved it 2 840

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 962

You deserved it 2 958

By jailbirdlove - 11/10/2010 01:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. Her phone rang, and she stopped to answer it. It was her ex-boyfriend, calling her from jail. She talked to him for 15 minutes. To top it all off, before she hung up, I heard her tell him she loved him, and couldn't wait for him to get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 779

You deserved it 4 286

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but it wasn’t actually her. What happened last night? FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 992

You deserved it 108 901

Make the most of it

By Godmish - 02/01/2009 05:37 - France

Today, I received a text message from my girlfriend, saying, "Do you remember the last time we slept together?" I replied straight away, "Of course, it was great!" To which she replies, "I hope you made the most of it, because it was the last time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 535

You deserved it 2 744

By Mr. Hopeless - 13/02/2009 21:59 - United States

Today, I texted this girl I really like and she didn't answer. She did about two hours later and it said, "Sorry, I was having sex at the time you texted me. So how are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 948

You deserved it 4 228

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 11:33 - Australia

Today, I woke up and called my boyfriend. We had amazing phone sex, even better because no one was home and we didn't have to be quiet. Afterwards, I walk out into the kitchen. My mum hadn't gone to work that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 001

You deserved it 57 574

No time to lose

By Atma - 02/07/2023 03:00

Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 212

Cloudy_fml 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 3:45

Maybe she meant "last time"... =/

henrymeows 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 5:33

hoes... keep your pimp hand strong

Comments

Sunnythe14 0

Friday 10 April 2009 4:03

this just seems fake.

Pearson_fml 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 8:02

Well it just proves my theory, if you don't satisfy your woman, she'll find someone who will.

Shithappens360 0

Friday 19 June 2009 3:38

CHEATING ***** FTL

genius_man16 0

Friday 26 June 2009 22:25

Yes, because men can never be ******. I hope you die in a fire.

iFruit 0

Tuesday 15 December 2009 4:41

Yeah, you did. You were just too drunk to remember it. Who's fault is it now?!

volleyballgurl19_fml 0

Thursday 21 January 2010 2:40

she obviously doesn't have caller id.

ScoobyDoo92 0

Friday 12 March 2010 15:07

do what I did **** her mother ;-)

Gela96 0

Saturday 1 January 2011 3:30

where u drunk?

Obesedragon559 0

Wednesday 15 June 2011 9:26

Boss!

Jmoney6802 0

Sunday 14 August 2011 18:26

Ouch, sorry man

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I have a horribly painful throat infection and can't talk. In spite of this, Dad keeps insisting I call people for him, meaning I have to make use of a text to speech program. Eight out of twelve people I've called on his behalf have hung up, thinking I'm a scambot. Dad is blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 82

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 974

You deserved it 6 338

The Top

Today, I tried to open my water bottle, which is like trying to open a pickle jar, and after several seconds, it exploded all over my desk and clothes. Then, when I was going to get paper towels and a change of clothes, I slipped on the puddle and hit my head on my desk as I came crashing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 173

Today, the highlight of my week has been accidentally triggering the haiku bot on Reddit. Life's been good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 313

You deserved it 123

Today, my parents think that I don't understand all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table, "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 351

You deserved it 3 988

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend already married, but she and her husband were planning some wacky scheme to steal all of my money, and run away to strike again in a new location, with new names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 88

Today, my wife screamed at me, calling me a "useless, ungrateful piece of crap", all because I wouldn't have sex with her, despite hours of her nagging. I said no because I've been laid-up in bed for the past week waiting on surgery for an excruciatingly painful hernia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 493

You deserved it 3 420

Today, I went to the dentist. She put a spongy thing on my teeth and told me to bite. Her finger was there, so I was confused and… I accidentally bit her finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 78