Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML
Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mom and my dad met for the first time. We discovered that they are each other's exes, and not only that, my girlfriend, whom I have been dating, hanging out, confiding with, being intimate with, shared each other's first times, and plan to marry, is actually my half-sister. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
wlddog 14
Well you see... First the house was attacked by pirates. Thankfully the mom managed to get her hands on the family wooden sword and defend their dwelling. But then they found out there was actually a spy in the house and it was a clone of the sister. Of course everyone knows that clones can only be defeated by getting put in the dryer, so dad was defeating the evil clone while mom defended against any future pirate attacks. It was a good thing Op brought his girlfriend to his house for safety, because who knows which house the pirates would attack next!
Jelbeztok 17
sounds like you have a very interesting family. what was their reason for this?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
UnluckyGenius 21
Should have said "Welcome to Jurassic Park."
rita0ral 8
Bitta banter
KayleeT 9
Your family actually sounds really fun. I would like to meet a family like that.
ratorr2 23
What's wrong with that? Sounds like a typical day at my house. We play around like that all the time.
Zebediabolical 45
I can't tell if this is an FYL or a YDI based on the incomplete information. If this is how they roll every day then YDI for bringing her there. If they're putting on a special show for her, then FYL. Actually, not really. It shows they've got a sense of humor if it's staged. I wish the parents of girls I dated had a sense of humor. Can't even make a single Rohypnol joke in front of most of them without them losing their shit.
Alicestraza 33
While I agree with you, date rape drug joke when you're dating their daughter? Quite understandable they wouldn't appreciate it.
Zebediabolical 45
Oh. Most importantly... Did she fit in the dryer?
buckdharma 38
And the Colorado rocky mountain high I seen mama slaying imaginary guys I know daddy be a poorer man if he didn't watch sister dry Rocky mountain high
n4ture 20
sound like a fun family
EUPHORlA 12
If I saw that I would've laughed.
TheNewGuy03 29
IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE. TAKE THIS.