Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, I brought my new girlfriend home. My overprotective sister got into her face and started the whole, "if you hurt him, I’ll kick your ass" speech. My girlfriend responded by whooping my sister’s ass up and down our driveway. It took both me and my mom to pull her off. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce to my parents. My dad thought it would be hilarious to fill some clear bags full of flour, then pretend he was sampling a cocaine shipment when she arrived. She excused herself very quickly and isn't answering my calls. FML
Today, my girlfriend invited me over for the first time. I pulled up to her house just to be denied at the front door by her mum. She'd invited me over to break up with me, but had her mum do it for her. FML
Today, I was hooking up with my girlfriend when her dad knocked on the clear door that leads to the room. About 5 minutes later both of her parents came in to give us the "talk" which included the first time her parents did it. In detail. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mom and my dad met for the first time. We discovered that they are each other's exes, and not only that, my girlfriend, whom I have been dating, hanging out, confiding with, being intimate with, shared each other's first times, and plan to marry, is actually my half-sister. FML
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Top comments
wlddog 14
Well you see... First the house was attacked by pirates. Thankfully the mom managed to get her hands on the family wooden sword and defend their dwelling. But then they found out there was actually a spy in the house and it was a clone of the sister. Of course everyone knows that clones can only be defeated by getting put in the dryer, so dad was defeating the evil clone while mom defended against any future pirate attacks. It was a good thing Op brought his girlfriend to his house for safety, because who knows which house the pirates would attack next!
Jelbeztok 17
sounds like you have a very interesting family. what was their reason for this?
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Comments (107)
Wealthyparrot 9
So what got your sister wet? ;)
buddy51 23
"And my family calls themselves "The Aristocrats""!
Vaz2191 6
That's actually pretty cool
needsagf14 12
So lost
Ray_of_midnight 23
They were playing Calvinball? Your parents are SCAdians?
jarockstar27 10
I agree besides my grandma, mom and dad my family sucks balls....can we switch?
nchic01 17
you should have picked up another sword and started fencing with your mom while acting like this was a completely normal occurance.
29dear 16
I'm slightly jealous of your family, op! sounds like it never gets dull at your house.
D3ATHZ3RO 15
Explain......now
KassiArtNerd 6
Haha How is this an FML? Your family sounds awesome!