Getting a head start on the Halloween look - FML

Getting a head start on the Halloween look

By Ouch - 26/10/2019 22:00

Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 167

Mother of the year

Late term

Compromises

Quiet

By Anonymous - 07/08/2011 01:40 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year-old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 586

You deserved it 11 483

A tale as old as time

By GirlRepelant - 25/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 418

By Anonymous - 10/11/2011 07:06 - United States

Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 573

You deserved it 6 062

By Sanchez - 07/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 419

You deserved it 2 786

By Ugh - 22/08/2017 23:15

Today, I got a job offer and was asked to come in at 5am for training. I sat there for about 2 hours before giving up. I was at the wrong site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 174

You deserved it 2 834

By needofmoney - 18/02/2011 02:16 - United States

Today, I finally told my dad that he owes me over 400 dollars, and that I need it or else I'd get kicked out of my apartment. He only gave me 70 and said to get a better job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 573

You deserved it 5 062

By pokeballbra - 17/10/2011 05:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to sit on the bus next to a creepy guy. He began pestering me with overly-sexual statements, and finally I told him I had a boyfriend. He responded with "Tell me his name so I can track him down, kill him, and hopefully take his place." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 794

You deserved it 4 047

Neat and tidy

By jjhach - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Aldouane

Today, while fishing my remote out from behind the couch, I found my fiancé's stash of old toenails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 715

You deserved it 3 597

By Ibrowtheedge - 16/08/2018 20:30

Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It still looks better than my left eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 331

You deserved it 449

Redesign

By rian - 03/04/2021 21:30

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 65

By Elizabeth Ann - 19/08/2018 03:30

Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 192

You deserved it 329

Happy place

By Anonymous - 31/05/2009 17:36 - Poland

Today, my husband of ten years was playing the Sims. I asked him about the house he built. Apparently, it was his dream house, and he recreated himself as a Sim so he could live in it. Then I asked him where the wife was. There was no wife. It was his happy place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 869

You deserved it 10 871

By Jimmy - 02/08/2019 12:00 - Australia

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 118

By Anonymous - 14/06/2009 16:34 - United States

Today, I got fired from a large oil and energy service company after 5 and 1/2 months. The interview process to land the job took 8 months. My interview process was longer than my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 802

You deserved it 4 260

By karengoeswest - 16/08/2018 15:00

Today, my coworker was talking about how he's met the man of his dreams and they've been dating for 3 months. He showed me a picture of them at Niagara Falls last weekend. His new boyfriend is my husband, who was supposedly on a business trip in Boston. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 896

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 17:31 - Sweden - Karlskrona

Today, I had to use a public bathroom. I'm pregnant, though I don't really suffer from morning sickness. I do however suffer from sympathy puking, which kicked in with horrifying consequences when someone burst in and started vomiting in one of the other stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 874

You deserved it 2 559

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 920

You deserved it 11 091

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 17:13 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball in our company gym. I took a shot from half court, and at that exact moment, an executive walked into the gym with an important potential client. My shot bounced off the side of the backboard, off some bleachers, and right into the client's head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 584

You deserved it 3 695

By bleh - 27/11/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, I discovered my parents took me to a specialist when I was a baby because they thought I had a facial deformity. It turns out I'm just ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 118

You deserved it 3 129

By Anonymous - 18/03/2016 17:29 - United States - Oceanside

Today, as usual, I'm stuck working in a brutally hostile work environment under my mother-in-law, who's never forgiven me for marrying her daughter. I only got the job because of family politics. Four months on, I still can't even land so much as a single interview elsewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 963

You deserved it 1 690

By badluckbrian - 12/06/2019 04:15

Today, I lost my job. This was a surprise, as my performance hasn’t ever been an issue. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye while it happened, and the HR representative cut me off when I tried to ask why, informing me that they would only answer benefit-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 278

You deserved it 121

By unluckysamaritan - 15/10/2016 08:51 - Sweden - H??r

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 403

You deserved it 971

Time to move out!

By tsunami - 10/09/2018 03:30

Today, my mother took my brand new PS4, which I haven't even played yet, and threw it out the window while I was at work. When I asked her why, she said she was mad that we didn't have any paper towels left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 729

You deserved it 221

By muscalata - 20/07/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend sent a text asking if I think she’s pretty. I replied "Yes, of course!" She then got mad and blocked me. Turns out she'd said "petty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 421

You deserved it 776

By m2k - 20/06/2011 14:59 - Canada

Today, the only person I actually spoke with was a prank caller. I tried to have a conversation with him, but he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 404

You deserved it 7 906

By Husband to be....maybe - 09/06/2018 09:00

Today, I found out I was allergic to bees, the hard way, at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 352

You deserved it 217

By WiltedFlower - 31/07/2009 16:02 - United States

Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 154

You deserved it 6 354

By RIPJarJar - 20/10/2017 22:18

Today, my husband gave our three-year-old son a lesson on life and death. He did this by slaughtering our pet chicken for dinner in front of him. My son has been crying for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 525

You deserved it 473

By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 18:18 - United States

Today, I learned that my building never received my rent check. Now not only do I have to pay a $40 late fee, but also a $40 fee to stop the payment of the check that went god knows where. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 310

You deserved it 3 156

By RayniDae - 15/06/2016 20:08 - United States - Port Clinton

Today, we ran out of our disposal gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 324

You deserved it 1 531

Disappointing

By Muon66 - 11/06/2021 03:59

Today, I showed my 5-year-old son a photo with a ginger cat and her 6 newborn kittens. I forgot to tell my son the cat mom is not the male ginger cat at home, despite them looking exactly same. His excitement became deep sorrow and a tantrum when he figured out that we didn't get half a dozen kittens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 503

By ams - 13/03/2010 01:23 - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 459

You deserved it 4 336

By What? - 19/04/2012 01:15 - United States - Needham

Today, I overheard a conversation between coworkers, during which my name was mentioned, then, "and then I followed her around for a bit, but she didn’t do it again." Everyone laughed. I've no idea what I did that was so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 087

You deserved it 2 193

By SecondBest,IGuess - 30/04/2013 17:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 384

You deserved it 16 393

By Toooldforthisshit - 09/12/2018 11:30 - United States - New London

Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me, is pregnant... FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 976

You deserved it 229

By LoveDrug - 17/02/2010 10:49 - Ireland

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 687

You deserved it 2 830

By unluckymiss - 24/01/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I was at the store when I ran into an old friend from high school. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I told him who I was, he instantly shouted "Oh! Yeah! The fat chick from Mr. H's class!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 526

You deserved it 4 332

By will - 14/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my 6-year-old son apparently decided to make a game out of clogging the toilet with toilet paper. He won, and now the whole basement is flooded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 198

By stutterernotschizophrenic - 15/11/2010 03:43

Today, I was alone in my dorm room rehearsing comments to make in my writing class tomorrow. I grew up with a severe stutter, and rehearsing like this is one of the ways I keep my speech under control. What I didn't plan on was my roommate walking in. I think she now thinks I'm schizophrenic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 720

You deserved it 2 968

By cynicalcindy - 19/02/2009 09:06 - United States

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 880

You deserved it 49 738

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mfranks19891989 10

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Saturday 26 October 2019 22:51

Congratulations you must be so proud of yourself for breaking unbreakable glass.

Mungolikecandy 19

Saturday 26 October 2019 23:54

There is no such thing as an unbreakable glass as polycarbonate can break (although it takes a force 200 times stronger than the force to break a glass to do such). If it does shatter it is sharp though and there can be flaws which make it weaker.

Comments

mfranks19891989 10

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2019 22:51

Congratulations you must be so proud of yourself for breaking unbreakable glass.

ThatOneLonelyAsian 31

Send a private message

Saturday 26 October 2019 23:01

next time your friend might as well do it herself ... and don't you dare ask to be paid!

Mungolikecandy 19

Saturday 26 October 2019 23:54

There is no such thing as an unbreakable glass as polycarbonate can break (although it takes a force 200 times stronger than the force to break a glass to do such). If it does shatter it is sharp though and there can be flaws which make it weaker.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 137

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 88