By Maju - Netherlands

Dumb, but relatable

Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

517

You deserved it

2597

Favorite

Great mom you got there

Purr Evil

Landmine

By llaurenmariee - United States

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26343

You deserved it

4206

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50956

You deserved it

5445

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33038

You deserved it

2776

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for a crime that happened 27 years ago. I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2445

You deserved it

121

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 22:58

Saucy devil

Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

868

You deserved it

123

Favorite

By Username

Tasty!

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34967

You deserved it

5707

Favorite

By Whatever01 - United States

Today, I called off work saying my Great Grandmother died. A co-worker texted me later asking where and when the funeral was. I made up a lie and said some random funeral home and date. My co-workers sent flowers to the funeral home for condolences. The flowers were returned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8188

You deserved it

93880

Favorite

By iMarriedmymother - United States

Today, my wife told me she had stopped taking her anti-depressants a month ago in hopes of increasing her non-existent sex drive. I asked her if it had helped, and was about to suggest she start taking them again for her own wellbeing. She replied with, "Anyway, I'm just not attracted to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23737

You deserved it

2532

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 02:04 - Australia

Online shopping

Today, I was showing my mum how to use eBay. Unfortunately I didn't notice my recent purchase history was on display: a huge black dildo; a jockstrap and a bong amongst them. Of course, she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

438

You deserved it

1230

Favorite

By ellieowenie - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26653

You deserved it

3408

Favorite

By happy21sttome - United Kingdom

Today, after 5 years in a row of my family doing absolutely nothing to even acknowledge my birthday, I got train tickets to see my boyfriend for the weekend and celebrate with him. I woke up to 6 angry texts about how I'm 'selfish' for not staying at home with my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35289

You deserved it

2393

Favorite

By charlotte9338 - Canada

Today, I went to the hospital with a broken hand. They gave me a cast and some prescription pain medication. The only problem is that the bottle of medication is child-proof, I live alone and I can't open it with one hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33895

You deserved it

2880

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

38735

You deserved it

3561

Favorite

By UniGrad2019 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, after months of all my friends telling me that the guy whom I was in love with most definitely held feelings for me, I was finally convinced by their words, and with confidence I went and confessed my feelings to him. I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21700

You deserved it

1966

Favorite

By zzzzzz - 30/1/2021 07:59

Wakey wakey

Today, my boyfriend had an appointment he had to wait months for, after he finally agreed to try to figure out what's making him so tired all the time. He slept through it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

722

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Racine

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40914

You deserved it

5151

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 14:02

Queef Richards

Today, I had two customers who had some questions about their phones. Walking over, my cooch graced us with an audible fart sound that I‘m sure everybody heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

800

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By fmylyfe - United States - Saint Paul

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47818

You deserved it

3949

Favorite

By Anonymous - France

Today, my teacher told me that she couldn't find my hand-written essay on the Renaissance, and that I have to re-do it all by tomorrow. I later saw my essay on her desk, covered in a massive coffee stain that made virtually everything unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34232

You deserved it

1956

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

45323

You deserved it

8819

Favorite

By mary - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30784

You deserved it

9109

Favorite

By N O - Canada - Granton

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53293

You deserved it

6928

Favorite

By D - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39142

You deserved it

4808

Favorite

By brannonjames - United States

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26313

You deserved it

2325

Favorite

By Cannot Unknow

Today, my wife and I drove to the other side of the country to attend a swinger party where we thought no one knew us. So did my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9764

You deserved it

2382

Favorite

By hopeless - United States - Annandale On Hudson

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10288

You deserved it

793

Favorite

By what did i marry - United States - Memphis

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the Earth is not flat. He didn’t believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3772

You deserved it

560

Favorite

By Starving Student - United States - Tacoma

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10057

You deserved it

28813

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52039

You deserved it

5209

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31133

You deserved it

3105

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/3/2021 20:01

Wake up Boo!

Today, my work made us all get up at 3 a.m. to head to the airport for our 7 a.m. flight, only for us to get to the airport and find out the flight is cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

886

You deserved it

Favorite

By Thanks Honey - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56487

You deserved it

5177

Favorite

By ohshittttttt - United States

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22466

You deserved it

158125

Favorite

By dirtyfoot - United States

Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22018

You deserved it

2390

Favorite

By ToysforHire

Today, I found out that my girlfriend secretly purchased a vibrator and has been using it for the past two weeks. When I confronted her, her only argument was "It's made me cum more times than you could." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2420

You deserved it

7463

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

The road to Hell is paved with good intentions

Today, my best female friend got dumped. Seeing how I was alone when I got dumped, I didn't want her to feel the same, so I was nice to her and tried to help her as much as I could. I've now been getting constant messages from our mutual friends, telling me to stop hitting on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4877

You deserved it

501

Favorite

By baberuth - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30369

You deserved it

4373

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Booted

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26242

You deserved it

3353

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/9/2020 11:02 - United States - Orlando

Compassion

Today, I found out the reason my mom took over 9 months to get me a therapist and much needed help after I told her how I had been depressed and suicidal for over two months. It wasn't because it was hard to find one, but actually because she thought I was making it up to cushion the fact that I got a C in a class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1435

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22651

You deserved it

48761

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lucidinferno | 12

#7855438 - Thursday 31 October 2019 4:18

You show that table who’s boss! YDI.

By Mathalamus | 24

#7855447 - Thursday 31 October 2019 6:32

The table won.

COMMENTS

By lucidinferno | 12

#7855438 - Thursday 31 October 2019 4:18

You show that table who’s boss! YDI.

By Sinshine | 27

#7855441 - Thursday 31 October 2019 4:45

I find it impressive that the one you broke was the little one!

By Mathalamus | 24

#7855447 - Thursday 31 October 2019 6:32

The table won.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7855484 - Thursday 31 October 2019 9:27

Only Hulk would win that fight, kid. I hope you and your table can repair your friendship once you've recovered.

By onlyme25 | 26

#7855643 - Thursday 31 October 2019 20:47

At least the kids didn't get hurt during this domestic spat, G.W.S!

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7855677 - Thursday 31 October 2019 23:52

I’m pretty sure there’s always a 50/50 shot if you kick a hard object hard enough you can hurt/break something