Today, I broke my mirror off going to the drive-through at McDonald's.... - FML

By Satan's Lil elf - 14/01/2019 14:00

Today, I broke my mirror off going to the drive-through at McDonald's. Even the cashier watching was like, "Fuck, dude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 1 826

Best teeth in the game

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Family heirloom

By "doyouwantmedead" - 21/08/2017 12:00 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I asked my mom if I could go to a friend's birthday. She said no, claiming I had been to too many this year already. I'd only been to one. It was my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 262

You deserved it 209

By WTF, guys? - 26/08/2014 16:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my fourth day of my trip to the USA. I've actually started keeping count of the number of times people get confused because I was born in South Africa and yet am not black. Current count: 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 381

You deserved it 4 136

By ugly - 03/09/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I attended my 10-year high school reunion. My ex-husband's new wife showed up in the same dress as mine. I guess both the dress and my ex-husband look better on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 122

You deserved it 2 572

TMI

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 23:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 740

You deserved it 3 009

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend's dog, which he got even though he knew I was allergic, literally got in between us while we were having sex. He didn't stop and got mad when I did. Now I'm itchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 907

You deserved it 328

Not so anal retentive then…

By Anonymous - 03/02/2017 22:00 - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 285

You deserved it 719

He Tried?

By Liz - 06/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I told my soon-to-be-ex that he never does anything for the kids, and hasn't contributed a dime. He showed up with a half a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. Not what I meant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 762

You deserved it 753

By Anonymous - 18/04/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Eynsham

Spicy

Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 991

You deserved it 9 856

By mallcop - 14/02/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, while working security at the mall, someone shat his pants. The shit dripped all over the floor and escalator. I was the one who had to stand near the poop so no one stepped in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 739

You deserved it 2 623

By LonelyAF - 12/08/2017 13:00

Today, I was so lonely I called my stalker ex-boyfriend. He was too busy to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 379

You deserved it 4 252

By Anonymous - 11/02/2013 07:46 - United States - Denton

Spicy

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 351

You deserved it 3 377

By mommy - 17/11/2010 12:09 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day back to work since having my first baby. To show I had caught up on everything, I had to give a presentation at the end of the day to the heads of my department. It went really well until the end, when one of them pointed out that breast-milk had been leaking through my clothes the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 229

You deserved it 3 327

By uselessdad - 07/09/2010 23:48 - Singapore

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 953

You deserved it 8 496

By workworkwork - 03/11/2017 05:00

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 462

You deserved it 421

By XoXonedirectionXoXo - 23/06/2012 22:21 - United States - Eden Prairie

Today, I fell asleep while on the toilet at work. When I woke up, I tried to quietly sneak back to my desk, only to be caught by my boss. He immediately sent me packing and gave his "best wishes" for me in the unemployment line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 219

You deserved it 32 308

My reward

By KittenShitz - 25/12/2019 14:00

Today, I felt accomplished after I cleaned the whole house alone, but then I stepped backwards to admire my work and stepped into a pile of dog poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 697

You deserved it 311

By OnlyAvailableID - 08/02/2015 08:35 - Australia

Today, I had my first threesome. It was me, my wonderful girlfriend, and her shithead cat after he decided my balls were a bag of catnip and just had to play with. Things ended pretty fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 993

You deserved it 3 659

By EveOnRoad - 05/05/2019 18:00

Today, my boyfriend of 9 years rode with his mother after boot camp graduation. She acts more like a jealous lover than a mom, so I'm currently chasing them all over Chicago in a blizzard, with her refusing to stop the car so he can see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 229

By shortarse - 13/06/2017 02:00 - Australia - Saint Lucia

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 118

You deserved it 711

#rude

By friendless - 19/03/2018 11:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 745

You deserved it 399

By keerow - 26/02/2013 15:54 - United States

Today, I realized that the homeless people I give change to all dress better than I do, including the one that doesn't believe in pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 033

You deserved it 25 289

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 03:08 - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my sister used my mobile phone to call her boyfriend who is married with children. His wife found my number on his phone and thinks that I am my sister. Since then, she has been calling me non-stop, calling me a 'prostitute' each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 020

You deserved it 5 407

By Pauline - 09/02/2016 21:35 - United States

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 731

You deserved it 2 455

By Anonymous - 12/04/2013 09:24 - Australia

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 651

You deserved it 6 920

By Anonymous - 31/05/2016 15:30 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 175

You deserved it 1 814

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I was at a baseball game. I was eating my nachos when all of the sudden I woke up in the hospital, with my dad sitting next to the bed. Apparently, I was hit with a foul ball. He kept the ball for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 644

You deserved it 3 174

By Kelly - 27/12/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 570

You deserved it 11 774

By creepyeyes - 21/06/2009 18:37 - Canada

Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 68 487

By chrisinator - 11/10/2016 04:21 - United States - Woodside

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 616

You deserved it 1 209

She likes it!

By whiteboyfresh69 - 22/01/2020 20:00 - United States

Today, while sleeping off my hangover, my niece asked me to get her a drink. I gave her a beer, I didn't notice it until it was gone. She is only 6 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 3 486

By izaya - 05/07/2015 16:26 - United States - Muskogee

Today, I woke up with a electric dog collar on my neck. I wouldn't have noticed it until my stepfather turned the collar to the highest intensity just to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 018

You deserved it 2 101

By cricha4208 - 15/04/2014 14:01 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me and when I asked why we never hung out he admitted that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 066

You deserved it 4 247

By Anonymous - 27/05/2016 19:09 - United States - Lady Lake

Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was okay, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 573

You deserved it 7 041

By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 02:49 - Canada - Regina

Today, after being totally in love with a guy since middle school, I finally had enough self confidence to go and talk to him. Turns out he's boring as fuck. I obsessed over this guy for nearly 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 969

You deserved it 37 098

By WayToGoDaddyHo - 08/07/2015 06:17 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future", even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 886

You deserved it 1 808

By orely44 - 08/03/2013 14:13 - France - Rez

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 597

You deserved it 9 569

By OUCH - 19/05/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 376

You deserved it 3 222

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/02/2019 00:00

Today, my new anxiety medicine fully entered my system. It makes me shit my brains out. I can either fart and risk shitting my pants every time or I can be too anxious to even enter a public place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 164

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 24/07/2018 20:36

Today, I worked security by myself in an office, which meant I had to eat at the desk and wasn't allowed to leave. I got written up for my husband dropping off my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 628

You deserved it 347

By The Rock's arse - 04/07/2014 20:29 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 096

You deserved it 7 399

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Top comments

thisisbutaname 38

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Monday 14 January 2019 14:19

I think you should take some time to reflect on you driving skills

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

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Monday 14 January 2019 14:11

you had to have steered into the wall or something like how

Comments

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

Send a private message

Monday 14 January 2019 14:11

you had to have steered into the wall or something like how

thisisbutaname 38

Send a private message

Monday 14 January 2019 14:19

I think you should take some time to reflect on you driving skills

Gofuckyourself 24

Monday 14 January 2019 15:35

Was the Happy Meal worth it?

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 14 January 2019 16:53

Probably not. If it had worked as advertised, the OP would be so ecstatic they wouldn’t have minded the broken mirror.

Gofuckyourself 24

Monday 14 January 2019 21:50

Maybe deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep.. deep down the Happy Meal helped, a little 😀

Send a private message

Monday 14 January 2019 16:01

How the hell to you break your mirror off going threw any drive threw. Only think I can see someone doing is getting to close to the wall and when you get to the window you have to pull in your side mirror.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 14 January 2019 16:43

You mean he wasn’t lovin’ it? Back in the day, their slogan was “You deserve a break today.” I guess you got one, literally.

TumblrweedPasses 11

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Tuesday 15 January 2019 23:45

If you're new to driving, shit happens, practice and maybe get extra lessons If you're not, be more cautious and aware Could've caused a huge McAccident

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 94

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 107