Today, I bought my very first college textbook. I received a... - FML

By toothbreaker - 22/8/2019 11:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought my very first college textbook. I received a stack of hole-punched papers. My $195 "book" isn’t even bound together. FML

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Age ain't nothing but a number

Does it taste good?

Hello everyone!

By nekkiddrunk - 14/1/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

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By Mark - 6/6/2012 02:21 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school, and I said goodbye to one of my students. She then told me how to correctly pronounce her name. I'd said it wrong all year. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2015 09:32 - Canada - Prince George

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

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By double trouble - 4/5/2015 04:04

Today, I found my bike that was stolen a week ago in front of someone's house. Now this wouldn't have been a problem if my husband didn't steal it to go meet with his girlfriend. FML

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By Anothernametaken - 18/11/2011 12:22 - United States

Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

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By anonymous - 16/2/2010 01:25 - United States

Today, I was really excited to be observing my first autopsy for my forensics class. Apparently so was the guy behind me. He barfed up ramen noodles all over my hair and back. I couldn't leave the room to clean up. For two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 02:38

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/8/2013 15:19 - United States - Decatur

Today, my daughter, who was born in late 2000, mentioned how amazing it is that she'll be alive during the year 3000. I asked her exactly how old she thinks she'll be by then. She said, "Thirty, duh." I've screwed up as a parent, so very badly. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2019 02:33

Today, I was complaining to my friend how I was doing all the work in my group, and that they were getting all the credit. Her response? "It's OK, you're doing a shitty job anyway." FML

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By pacificbeach - 2/3/2009 21:32 - United States

Today, my roommate and I finally got fed up with this increasingly, horrible stench that has been in our apartment for a few days now. Leaving it for our other roommates to handle, we selfishly left to get yogurtland. Moments later, we both expressed that we haven't seen our cat in a while. FML

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By ishyboo - 27/2/2016 22:59 - United States - Baraboo

Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML

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By Cynical - 30/3/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2018 01:30

Today, while leaving a job site, I put a bundle of pipe on my bosses van, picked up a few tools, and left for the day. He called screaming 30 minutes later to inform me that I didn't strap the pipe to the rack. It slid off the van and hit the car in front of him. FML

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By ThankfullyNotKickedOut - 26/8/2016 18:17 - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

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By imamonster1992 - 24/12/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

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By babyfatt - 16/12/2009 08:23 - Australia

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

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By WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality - 26/6/2014 11:35 - Australia - Belconnen

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2009 21:50 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were telling eachother secrets and I told him i've shaved my upper lip. He said "I know, it's prickly when we make out." FML

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By Rachal - 30/1/2012 01:27 - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

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By Dulok Warrior Princess - 10/9/2018 19:30 - United States - New York

Today, at gym class, coach placed the boys on an "advanced level" rope climb by having a girl cling on their back. I got paired with my crush. As he climbed, we were trailing behind so I cheered for him to go faster. He loudly responded, "Why don't you go on a diet!?" FML

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By anonymous - 4/5/2011 10:01 - Australia

Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML

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By ohmygod - 20/6/2013 05:49 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch when my grandmother came over and started watching me. Suddenly she said, "I see you're getting breasts". I'm a guy. FML

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By Elissa Roth Gooden - 6/4/2020 14:00

He will

Today, I actually got to meet actor George Takei. He was really sweet and charming, and I was just thrilled. When we parted, I wanted to say either, "I'll always remember this" or "I'll never forget this." It came out as, "I'll never remember this." FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2009 18:42 - United States

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

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By DogBeater - 21/6/2016 01:21 - United States

Today, I've just moved into a new apartment. It's also the day my big baby of a dog stepped on a rock and began yelping when I tried to touch his paw. He "suddenly" felt better after I carried him inside. Now everyone thinks I'm beating my dog. FML

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By inpuredeceit - 17/3/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I finished and turned in the last of the seventeen major projects for the company I work for. As I was walking out of my bosses office, I hear her ask her assistant "She finished everything we didn't want to do, can we fire her now?" FML

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By drugged_on_arrival - 10/9/2009 10:55 - Virgin Islands British

Today, I woke up at my crazy ex-girlfriend's house, naked and disoriented. You know, the kind of crazy like we-didn't-break-up-it-was-just-a-fight-now-we-can-get-married crazy. She says everything's fine now and she's so glad we've "started our family." FML

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By ddeit - 19/8/2011 02:10 - New Zealand

Today, I was having a chat with a customer. He asked if I was married, to which I replied, "No." Before I could say anything else, he said, "Thought so. You look too happy to be married." I was about to mention that I just got engaged. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2019 20:00

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Today, my mom told me my aunt was coming over. I told her I might have to work, and would be sad to miss her. My mom said, "Or, you know, if you're not there, it might be nice." FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend told me I didn't make enough noise during sex. Then when we had sex again, I made the noises she wanted. She then broke up with me because apparently, when I came, I screamed like a girl. FML

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By Ashleighx94 - 5/7/2011 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my bedridden mother called me selfish. After an operation two weeks ago, all I've done is feed her, clean her and the house every day. She called me selfish because I couldn't lift a TV into her room. FML

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By FMLTIMESTWO - 10/6/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/10/2015 02:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, my brother's recent creepy behavior suddenly made sense when I found "How to seduce your sister?" in his browser search history. FML

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By that1summergirl - 19/9/2019 12:00 - Canada

Riverdale is a lie

Today, I called my boyfriend at 2 a.m., telling him I couldn't sleep. He replied, "Well, I can," and hung up. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2016 01:13

Today, I did a California stop during a drive with my Driver's Ed teacher. He made me get out, hug the stop sign and apologize to it. FML

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By SweetFA - 20/8/2009 00:01 - Canada

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss. She said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

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By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, I convinced my teacher to let me resit a very important test I failed. I got a lower score the second time around. FML

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By worsethanzombies - 23/11/2009 16:40 - Spain

Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML

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By poorman - 18/11/2013 22:14 - United States - Derwood

Today, I realized that my 5 year old son has more money saved up in his piggy bank than I have in my actual bank account. FML

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Top comments

By TxKitten79 | 10

#7835547 - Thursday 22 August 2019 20:08

Yep. welcome to college. Take some advice... never buy new if you can help it. Google "buy used textbooks." You can save 50% or more on a lot of books by not buying new from the bookstore.

By smartjaguargurl | 17

#7835548 - Thursday 22 August 2019 20:09

Oh honey just wait. Welcome to college

Comments

By Clovis | 2

#7835544 - Thursday 22 August 2019 20:02

I had that shit happen to me when I was in college. Its more common than it should be

By TxKitten79 | 10

#7835547 - Thursday 22 August 2019 20:08

Yep. welcome to college. Take some advice... never buy new if you can help it. Google "buy used textbooks." You can save 50% or more on a lot of books by not buying new from the bookstore.

Reply

smartjaguargurl | 17

#7835549 - Thursday 22 August 2019 20:09

Bookfinder.com is a lifesaver

Reply

kayakninja | 6

#7835641 - Friday 23 August 2019 3:05

It's probably an "updated version" that changed the numbers on 3 review questions so you can't use the old one anymore.

By smartjaguargurl | 17

#7835548 - Thursday 22 August 2019 20:09

Oh honey just wait. Welcome to college

By rockninja | 21

#7835558 - Thursday 22 August 2019 20:36

i really dont understand why they cant just be, idk, nice? textbooks cost already a shit ton if a money and they just wont the their job as well?

Reply

kfchicken_fml | 26

#7835907 - Friday 23 August 2019 22:39

because they don't care about any student and they know they can do whatever they want without any consequences

By LadyRen | 19

#7835559 - Thursday 22 August 2019 20:51

Where did you buy it from? Double check if you selected “lose leaf” because that’s what you got. Just get a cheap binder and put it in there.

By Takegami | 22

#7835583 - Thursday 22 August 2019 21:42

Ah yes, college

By RichardPencil | 28

#7835603 - Thursday 22 August 2019 22:18

Then buy a nice $75 binder and you’ve got something special!

By CoriCat | 25

#7835605 - Thursday 22 August 2019 22:23

We’ve all been there bud

By Nathanael Johnson | 15

#7835625 - Friday 23 August 2019 1:06

Welcome to college, you have one of those professors who fancies himself an author but no publishers agree

By bewareimaninja | 5

#7835630 - Friday 23 August 2019 1:27

And they won’t buy it back. I have 3 still.