Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the...

By Anonymous - 22/8/2019 17:00 - United Kingdom - Poole

Today, I managed to break my ankle by running it over with the wheelchair I've used on a daily basis for the last 6 years. FML

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Age ain't nothing but a number

Who's a good boy?

Assumptions

By Shobz - 26/10/2009 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I went home early from a business trip to find my house covered with rose petals. Thinking it was a romantic notion from my boyfriend, I went up to the bedroom. I opened the door to find him lying there, getting it on with my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/11/2009 00:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2020 05:08

Targeted

Today, I woke up and went down to my apartment's underground garage/laundry area to do my laundry and noticed my family's car in the back of the lot, as far away from the garage door as can be, had been broken into. The other, more expensive cars around the garage were untouched. FML

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By FartyCar - 30/11/2018 17:30

Today, I found a bag of frozen broccoli in my car boot from when I went shopping 3 days ago. My whole car smells like farts now. FML

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By dammit hearing aid - 10/7/2014 22:17 - United States - Wallingford

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

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By dadum - 27/1/2011 07:17 - Australia

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 23:16 - Switzerland - Saint Gallen

Today, I happily told my parents that my boyfriend proposed to me last night. My dad's response? "Marry that goofy bastard and you're out of the will." FML

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By Stung - 19/6/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

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By apavies444 - 28/11/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

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By bex - 7/1/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

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By guaranteed service - 7/9/2012 06:49 - United States

Today, I wrote an e-mail to a friend stating how hot my client was. I waited for her response, but received a response from my client stating, "I would readdress this accordingly." FML

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By Bortenssen - 8/8/2019 10:05 - Australia - Perth

It was either an expensive event, or learn to manage your money.

Today, I found out that the reason I couldn’t buy a commemorative jacket to wear at my rugby club's 50th anniversary was because the event had already happened. I paid in full for the event, and it cost me most of my savings. FML

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By i tried so hard - 8/1/2016 15:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried really hard for once on an assignment. I was told it was my worst work yet and that I may as well have turned nothing in at all. FML

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By hadtocleanthemess - 28/6/2011 12:35 - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

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By ~__~ - 20/3/2015 21:23

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

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By Jen - 26/11/2018 07:30 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my son decided he wanted roasted marshmallows. It would've been fine, except he put the entire bag into the oven I had preheating for pizza and caught it on fire. FML

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By fmlfmboyfriendah - 13/2/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2017 05:00

C'est la langue de l'amour!

Today, my French teacher set up a role-play scenario to act out in front of the class. During one of my lines, I mispronounced a phrase and called my teacher sexy. FML

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By mary - 21/2/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

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By ChangMu - 1/5/2013 06:40 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I had to go buy diaper rash cream. For myself. FML

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By bored - 27/11/2012 18:05 - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

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By Ouch - 28/2/2015 02:25 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I broke my leg. My mom told me I still have to go to tennis class tomorrow because the course isn't refundable. FML

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By Eric Ngan - 12/5/2012 16:01 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a pigeon got into my apartment. After knocking over a very expensive vase, it panicked, rammed itself against a window, and shat all over the floor as it tried to get out. FML

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By lonely - 15/9/2019 04:05 - Canada - Granby

Saturday Night Fever-ish

Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML

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By ana9 - 12/1/2009 15:56 - France

Today, my mother bought me Mickey Mouse shaped burgers for my dinner. I'm 19. FML

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By koolkidx3 - 24/2/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

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By snitcheyes - 9/11/2010 16:00 - United States

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

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By JD - 8/10/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

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By JohhnyKeroscene - 1/2/2012 12:21 - United States

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

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By anonymous - 5/5/2009 14:17 - United States

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

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By PrincessCrippled - 18/5/2018 15:00

Today, a close friend tried to kill me by running me over with her car. Why? Because I didn't want to share the pain meds I had due to a third-degree burn. My leg is now broken in 3 places, my ankle is shattered, and I have to use a walker because I'm too clumsy for crutches. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2015 09:44 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

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By NotAGoodDay - 10/8/2016 18:57 - United Kingdom - Sudbury

Today, I had severe constipation. I went to get some more laxatives when I felt something fall onto the top of my head. I reached up to see what it was and it turned out to be quite a large spider. Guess who isn't constipated anymore. FML

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By Cam - 21/5/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Holsworthy

Today, I photoshopped a picture for my Facebook profile so my stomach would look a little flatter. I came back later, only to find someone had said, "What in God's name is this? Is your belly duck-facing?" and half a dozen other insults. FML

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By TehUglyLife - 29/7/2013 19:11 - United States - Jacksonville Beach

Today, I tried to help a bird who had broken his wing. I walked straight into a door while looking down at him in my hands, and ended up all but breaking his other wing. FML

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By DesDri - 20/6/2009 07:37 - Canada

Today, I drove a drunk Venezuelan exchange student home after a prom party. Notable events: her puking on the way to the vehicle, her yelling in Spanish at the top of her lungs in the car, her puking out the window in the moving vehicle, and her crying because she felt bad for making me drive. FML

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By svsksosnns - 11/5/2016 03:59 - United States - Olympia

Today, I went on the road for work for the first time in a very long time. I was enjoying lunch with co-workers when my phone got bombarded with calls and texts. Turns out my wife and mother had gotten into a fight within two hours of me being away. FML

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By thereisnobaby - 6/10/2016 11:55 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I was met with an unfortunate clerical error, receiving a letter from WIC with a cheery handwritten note instructing me to call when the baby arrives. I guess they forgot I was there four months ago to discuss the changes in benefits after a miscarriage. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 11:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up from sleeping at my friends house with a bunch of other people, with my waist long hair cut into chunks on my pillow. FML

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By sadlife - 9/7/2009 18:50 - Canada

Today, I opened my lunch in front of my friends at university. I had a note in my lunch from my mother that said "Have a good day sweetie! - Love mom". I wrote that note, and put it in my lunch to impress my friends. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7835530 - Thursday 22 August 2019 18:33

Are you THAT invisible?

By Aadil Syed | 7

#7835688 - Friday 23 August 2019 7:35

How do you even do that?

Comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7835530 - Thursday 22 August 2019 18:33

Are you THAT invisible?

By Aadil Syed | 7

#7835688 - Friday 23 August 2019 7:35

How do you even do that?

By fullacrapallofyou | 14

#7870254 - Saturday 28 December 2019 20:41

Least u didnt feel it