Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML
Today, I was on the toilet at work. After a very loud and very smelly session, I waited until the other stall had been vacated to keep my anonymity. As I leant forward for some toilet roll, my ID fell out of my pocket and into the next stall. When I came out, it was face up near the sink. FML
Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML
Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML
Today, I was in the bathroom at work when I ran out of toilet paper. There was another guy in the restroom so I asked him if he could hand me a roll. He laughed, called me a dumbass, turned off the lights and walked out. FML
Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML
Today, my parents found cigarettes in my car. After a long argument lasting over an hour, I convinced them that they weren't mine and that I don't smoke. A few minutes later, I went to work. Guess who decided to visit me during my smoke break. FML
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Top comments
bombielol 20
just buy her a new one?
okay33 12
You flushed that chance away!
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Comments (92)
JKPwnage 27
You deserve it for smoking
Grandmastasexy 14
You should drop that habit as well
CharismaGeek 19
Here's a tip OP: Don't smoke at all.
Nyarlothatep 12
Wow, all the ydi's just for being a smoker. All these judgmental pricks on here must think smokers are worse than Hitler.
JonDG 12
smokers unintentionally destroy other peoples lives by smoking in public. Nobody has the right to force second hand smoke on people like that.
Nyarlothatep 12
Smokers don't "force" anything on anyone. You don't like being around the smoke? You gotta pair of legs, walk away. Don't like smokers? Don't associate with them, and let us smoke in peace.
greencurtains74 11
I remember the days before laws banned smoking in many public areas. You couldn't go to a restaurant, hotel, walk down the street without coming into contact with secondhand smoke. There is a reason many states create laws to restrict smokers...for everyone else's safety and comfort. its not easy to just walk away in many cases.
Nyarlothatep 12
You know, a wise man once said something about people who would give up personal liberties for safety, think that applies here...
greencurtains74 11
If you can't go long enough without a cigarette until you can replace your lighter, you are dependent on them and should seek help.
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Just take the hint, the universe wants you to stop smoking.
VoodooPriestess 16
My YDI has nothing to do with smoking. You have a track record. You begged, she was reluctant. You badgered her and then acted carelessly with her stuff. I make sure if I need to borrow something I take better care of it than my stuff. That said she deserved it too. You have a track record after all.
kayakerp1 12
You are terrible person for smoking
Nyarlothatep 12
And you're an asshole for judging a person just because they choose to smoke.
roadrage0990 1
And I think you are a terrible person for calling OP a terrible person for simply smoking. Obviously your standards are rather ridiculous. I know many nonsmokers who are terrible people - smoking doesn't define you. Our behavior and attitude does, and clearly yours needs an adjustment.
meowllory 10
My mom and dad smoke around me and all of my other sisters, and have been since we were newborns, and I can honestly say that it's one of the most embarrassing thing to be around. Also, having to wear perfume all the time just to cover up the disgusting smell of it too. I'd try and quit. Smoking is just all around bad for you and the people around you. My parents are probably going to get some type of cancer related disease, and from being around the smoke too long, I wouldn't be surprised if I got a disease either. Try an e-cigarette.
teenmomm 8
If that's not fate telling you to quit smoking then I don't know what is hahah. You might as well start wearing it as a necklace