Today, I attended my girlfriend's mother's wake. When I walked up the three-step platform the casket was on, I tripped, fell over the edge of the casket, and head-butted her mother's corpse. The adhesive holding one of her eyes came undone. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I attended my mom's funeral, who was the only person who ever truly supported me. During the funeral, the cemetery representative told me he was sure the hole was dug to specification, while at the same moment the casket got caught on the ground and tipped, dropping her 6ft down. FML
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
Today, I was the bridesmaid for my dad and stepmum's wedding. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped and fell over my high heels, hit my head on the armrest of a wooden chair on the way down, then passed out. I now have a concussion and a broken ankle. The wedding went on without me. FML
Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML
Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML
Today, my mom bumped into a table with a glass vase on it. Seeing that the vase was about to fall, I lunged to catch it. Before I got there, the vase fell and shattered, resulting in me diving into the broken shards. FML
Today, I was trying to sneak home from a party. Instead, I head-butted a glass door and woke my mother up. FML
Today, at my job as a funeral director, I fell ass over heels into the grave in front of a hundred mourners and an unamused Catholic priest. FML
Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML
Today, I stood too fast, got dizzy, and fell over. I fell on the grandmother of the bride, pushing her into the wedding cake table. Cake ruined, grandmother in hospital for a broken arm, and everybody mad at me. FML
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Top comments
nick_mcc105 3
Its like something out of an Adam Sandler movie...I'm so sorry.
Bricktothehead 21
An eye-opening experience?
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Comments (21)
Sonotsuave 37
That is like literally the worst thing I could ever imagine, ever. I'm sorry.
longtimedrip 0
most good mortuarys use caps for the eyes. not glue. but yeah, sure, you popped an eye open.
GhostFox 34
"Most" is the operative word there. Also, questioning the authenticity of FMLs is frowned upon.
Moerighan 23
Oh my gosh, that is the worst luck op. I hope it wasn't too traumatizing.
loucypher 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's hilarious but I don't believe you.
Starlight8 14
Eye see what you did there. Don't be surprised she give you an eye for it. Sorry you went through that, I bet you literally want to died six foot under.
HEnRyEdwardsIII 15
2 things... 1: can you blame the funeral parlor? Lighting too dim perhaps. If so, maybe she could recompense the expenses of the funeral if you threaten a suit... throw the embarrassment on them. 2: If she can stick with you through that, then I think your relationship is solid bro, as solid as that false eye.
SamanthaThe1st 23
WAAAAAIT. I'M COMING UNDONE
Blunt person 16
Why is this in the "spicy" section?