Health: Today, I stood too fast, got dizzy, and fell over. I fell on... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 103

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 40

07/08/2018 01:30

Today, I stood too fast, got dizzy, and fell over. I fell on the grandmother of the bride, pushing her into the wedding cake table. Cake ruined, grandmother in hospital for a broken arm, and everybody mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 792

You deserved it 666

And today, on Dr Phil…

Dysfunctional

Addams Family Values

03/03/2012 08:06

Today, it's my birthday. My mom got me a gym membership and a bunch of clothes that are a few sizes too small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 7 947

05/09/2011 04:38

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 636

You deserved it 15 142

19/01/2018 20:30

Today, I got a check for $100 for a random selecting at work. My boyfriend’s reaction? Light it on fire out of jealously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 934

You deserved it 448

01/02/2017 10:00

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 193

You deserved it 1 342

16/03/2012 05:11

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 446

You deserved it 30 811

24/02/2013 13:56

Today, while at work, my ex-boyfriend came in. I pretended not to see him, hoping he would just pass on by. No such luck. He stopped to tell me that he was there for orientation. My company hired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 973

You deserved it 3 220

12/01/2013 15:28

Today, my husband and I finally agreed on something: marriage counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 960

You deserved it 6 226

25/10/2011 07:17

Today, I was napping. I woke up to my pillow making some sounds. Thinking it was my head shifting my pillow, I went back to sleep. Later on I woke up to the sounds again, and a mouse staring at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 851

You deserved it 3 516

Long term commitment

By Jules - 27/11/2020 07:56

Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 49

Considering something?

By Alice - 16/08/2021 18:01

Today, as a single and ready to mingle mother, I was glad to be on a second date. All was going well, we started making out when he pulled away and said, "It's crazy that Casey Anthony got away with what she did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 74

08/11/2015 05:28

Today, the only way I could get my boyfriend to come over for a serious discussion was to heavily imply I wanted to talk about having a threesome. In actual fact, I just wanted to break up with him face-to-face, because he barely acknowledges my existence unless he's horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 282

You deserved it 2 636

When clampers attack!

By frustrated - 04/09/2019 06:00

Today, despite being parked in my work's car park, my car got clamped. It cost me $150 to get the clamp removed and all I got was "bad luck" from my boss and the clamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 118

17/10/2012 20:08

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 011

You deserved it 1 878

21/01/2012 05:47

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 507

You deserved it 29 130

09/10/2010 04:06

Today, I found out that my current girlfriend has dated all of my friends at one time or another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 894

You deserved it 5 162

15/10/2009 17:04

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 964

You deserved it 64 141

30/05/2009 03:04

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 204

You deserved it 245 802

12/03/2010 17:24

Today, I found out that after reuniting with an old boyfriend, getting close with his two year old son, and moving closer to him to properly be a part of their lives, he got back together with his ex wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 303

You deserved it 6 185

21/03/2012 16:25

Spicy

Today, the subject of penis size came up while my boyfriend and I were chatting. He asked if he was big, and I replied that whatever size he was, he was enough to satisfy me. Apparently, that was the wrong answer, and he spent the rest of the night sulking because I didn't say he was enormous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 150

You deserved it 14 101

02/05/2012 21:58

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 058

You deserved it 2 181

26/08/2009 04:40

Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 758

You deserved it 67 377

24/10/2013 12:52

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 653

You deserved it 4 664

29/06/2016 18:21

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 571

You deserved it 644

16/12/2018 13:30

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 506

You deserved it 211

31/03/2009 01:43

Spicy

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 174

You deserved it 6 717

08/04/2013 00:33

Today, I saw a very attractive young woman struggling with some boxes. The seduction attempt resulted in me carrying 60lbs of items for 30mins. When we got to her apartment, she thanked me and introduced me to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 930

You deserved it 42 288

Weird family

By Pinsky - 22/08/2021 00:01

Today, I learned I’m shooting blanks and can’t have children. My wife’s response was that her brother can be our sperm donor. She has no issue with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 72

10/03/2017 18:00

Today, I received a rejection e-mail from a potential employer I interviewed with. I asked for some feedback and they said I didn't seem interested. I had showed extensive interest, even brought up some of the company's recent events, and literally said, "I'm very interested in this position." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 351

You deserved it 418

08/12/2011 04:27

Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 909

You deserved it 4 040

02/05/2011 09:33

Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 739

You deserved it 60 878

17/06/2013 05:54

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 247

You deserved it 11 238

04/01/2012 02:04

Today, my dad had a day off and was 'bored' so he decided to move our entire kitchen into our living room. We now have no running water, no oven that works and the entire house is a bombsite. He has an entire week off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 967

You deserved it 2 252

23/02/2009 01:32

Spicy

Today, for my birthday my boyfriend bought me a sexy outfit to wear for him. At the bottom of the bag was a razor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 041

You deserved it 18 596

02/08/2011 06:46

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 807

You deserved it 2 854

19/09/2014 18:34

Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 039

You deserved it 15 506

Weirdo geek freaks out

By katw - 10/03/2021 02:01

Today, I went on a first day with a guy. It went well up until he saw my phone, loudly declared that I was ‘gross’ for having an iPhone, and then stormed out. I’m on a family plan and if it were my choice, I would have got an Android. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 203

12/06/2012 11:58

Spicy

Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 173

You deserved it 9 086

02/01/2014 17:07

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 153

You deserved it 4 766

17/07/2019 20:03

Today, I noticed that the roommate application site for college bugged when I first signed up, and my screen name and real name were swapped as a result. Since the site only displays the names of potential roommates and not our own, I've been unknowingly messaging potential roommates as Parakeet19 for about 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 438

You deserved it 230

Gordon Ramsey is furious

By sunitgir - 21/10/2019 06:00

Today, my mother decided to cook dinner for us and used rice that she had in her cupboard. While helping out, I stirred the dish and noticed black flecks. Turns out they were rice weevils. She tried to convince me it was "burnt garlic" and served it to the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 582

You deserved it 127

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Wednesday 18 July 2018 8:14

Honestly the only thing you could've done to save yourself was pretend to pass out!

arandomperson97 18

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 3:12

“... and I was the groom..”

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 July 2018 8:14

Honestly the only thing you could've done to save yourself was pretend to pass out!

arandomperson97 18

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 3:12

“... and I was the groom..”

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 3:32

What? Did you expect to earn Prima Nocta rights on the bride after such a colossal fuck-up?

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 4:21

This sounds like part of a very bad Rom Com/every movie Kate Hudson did with Matthew McConaughey

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 5:10

You might want to get your health checked out. If just getting up from sitting for a moment makes you dizzy, there's something wrong with your body.

Neeka Natassja Andriushchenko_286199006 11

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 8:39

I suffer from this exact same thing and have been to multiple doctors as to what it is or is causing it. If you happen to get answers please let me know!

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Tuesday 7 August 2018 10:37

Dysautonomia Being checked for it myself right now.

ViviMage 38

Tuesday 7 August 2018 16:06

I am chronically dizzy thanks to a less than 1% side effect of cancer treatments. I always get up slowly and grab the chair or something to make sure my balance is ok. I have done some bizarre things like walk backwards a few steps to get my balance back if I hold hold on. That being said, I can't wait to see the recording of this on failarmy!

Dustin Allen-Duwayne Lakey 16

Tuesday 7 August 2018 19:50

I've heard the phrase "falling for someone" but I don't think it was meant to be taken literally.

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Thursday 31 October 2019 18:40

Eat more red meat retard