Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in my workplace's bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. I had toothpaste smeared all over my cheek. I spent the rest of the day wondering how many people had noticed and said nothing. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML
Today, I was washing my face and I started rinsing the soap off my face with my eyes closed when I felt something gooey on my face. I opened my eyes to realize I had been rubbing snot on my face from when water got up my nose and apparently snot came down with it. FML
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark, only to discover it was poop. After further investigation, I found out my younger sister had been wearing them and "experimenting". FML
Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML
Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML
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Top comments
Zebidee 9
I'll post this up here, because everyone gets a chance to read it that way (and it also answers #1's question). 'Turps' is an Australian abbreviation for turpentine, either wood turpentine, or the mineral kind that is called 'white spirit' in other places. It's the stuff you use to clean paint brushes. Although it can be used as slang for alcohol, in this context, it can only mean turpentine. It's the word you'd use 99% of the time when referring to the product. There - now no-one has to ask again, and we can all get on with our lives. Oh, and OP - WTF?! How could you not smell that a mile off?
Honesty4U 0
Here in the Southern USA we just call them dish rags and countertops.
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Comments (172)
tim374 26
Turps is short for turpentine. A tea towel is common in any kitchen, it's usually rectangular and is used to dry up dishes after they have been washed.
4evermossin 0
I misread this at first and thought it said turds
fthku 13
OP, I can't blame you. You said bench, so I'm guessing you were outside your home. Well, who wouldn't take a towel that doesn't belong to them, and is outside, and use it to wipe their face. That's not disgusting at all, either.
Babblez 0
How on earth does bench imply being outside of the home? It could mean the kitchen bench or even the work bench in the shed. If it was the work bench in the shed it'd be stupid to use, but there's no way you'd think a tea towel on a kitchen bench would be loaded with turps. Still should've been able to smell it from a mile away >.>
fthku 13
Forgive me for not knowing a bench could mean that. I wasn't aware of a "kitchen bench" and I had thought it could only mean one thing.
naynay104 0
it could have been kitchen bench ... Thats what we call counters. Jeez who would have thought we were so hard to understand? :) and yes we do call alcohol piss....i don't know why, i dont do it too often myself but its pretty common
fthku 13
If it was her home, she's just as stupid. Shouldn't she know better? Piss eh? Does that mean when you drink a lot of piss, you get shitfaced? That doesn't make any sense.
NBS93 0
Never mind the confusion over turps, what is a tea towel?
naynay104 0
yeah, you get shitfaced. Or pissed. Or wasted, maggoted, paro. We have a lot of alcoholic terms.
foreveryours8159 0
dang...that reall sucks
dansco 25
You lost the sense of smell? Sure turps is quite strong! Now just wash your face in paint and you will be fine ;)
varkey 7
that's actually kind of hazardous... hopefully you didn't ingest any (like if you got a bit in your mouth)
Zombie65 0
Transurethral resection of the prostate (TURP) for benign prostatic hyperplasia During transurethral resection of the prostate (TURP), an instrument is inserted up the urethra to remove the section of the prostate that is blocking urine flow. TURP usually requires hospitalization and is done using a general or spinal anesthetic. ??????????