Health: Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands...

By Anonymous - 04/03/2011 13:39 - Australia

Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 949

You deserved it 10 350

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Same thing different taste

Shared towel

By shitface - 06/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 053

You deserved it 1 233

By Anonymous - 15/06/2015 02:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 672

You deserved it 2 409

Code red

By Zooep - 24/10/2016 13:54

Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 733

You deserved it 788

Ring of fire

By Anonymous - 20/08/2022 12:00

Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 265

By Dirty - 23/02/2017 08:00 - Canada

Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 355

You deserved it 554

Experimental

By AshleyP - 04/04/2014 14:17 - United Kingdom

Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark, only to discover it was poop. After further investigation, I found out my younger sister had been wearing them and "experimenting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 444

You deserved it 4 538

By jjoker - 30/12/2018 14:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 304

You deserved it 948

The smell detective is on the case

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 14:01 - Germany

Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 490

You deserved it 184

Because I'm worth it

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 02:01

Today, I discovered a cat turd in a bath towel from most recent batch of laundry. I was wondering why my facemasks for the whole work week smelled so strange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 179

Smelly glasses for life

By Anonymous - 16/09/2022 06:30 - United States

Today, I used my towel on the counter to clean my glasses. Apparently, my foster cat had peed on it during the night. The wet towel hit my mouth. I started out my day with cat pee on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 841

You deserved it 287

Zebidee 8

Friday 4 March 2011 18:08

I'll post this up here, because everyone gets a chance to read it that way (and it also answers #1's question). 'Turps' is an Australian abbreviation for turpentine, either wood turpentine, or the mineral kind that is called 'white spirit' in other places. It's the stuff you use to clean paint brushes. Although it can be used as slang for alcohol, in this context, it can only mean turpentine. It's the word you'd use 99% of the time when referring to the product. There - now no-one has to ask again, and we can all get on with our lives. Oh, and OP - WTF?! How could you not smell that a mile off?

Honesty4U 0

Saturday 5 March 2011 9:32

Here in the Southern USA we just call them dish rags and countertops.

Comments

JesusSchwartz 5

Saturday 5 March 2011 19:03

I thought they misspelled "turds", and if they couldn't tell there were turds on the towel, they deserved getting it all on their face...

Slolo420 0

Sunday 6 March 2011 7:40

have none of you heard of Urban Dictionary??

Tylerhines1995 0

Sunday 6 March 2011 8:45

WTF is a turp

Slolo420 0

Sunday 6 March 2011 9:41

for real #159 .. i just finished telling you where to find the definition .. are you people really that dumb

raideretteQueen 0

Monday 7 March 2011 5:13

Thanks for the clarifications... i was like bench? Turpe? Lol

ashisthebomb 0

Tuesday 8 March 2011 0:12

138--- in America we don't use those words...we call a kitchen counter a countertop not a bench-that's something you sit on and we call "tea towels" wash clothes sooo DONT JUDGE!!!

Zebidee 8

Wednesday 9 March 2011 19:26

I judge, because I'm completely familiar with every alternative word for every item that's been used on this thread. If someone used any variant of any of these in conversation, it wouldn't cause me a second's confusion. Being aware of the idiosyncrasies of your own language isn't that big a leap. Speaking of which, "wash *cloths" is what you call them, and it's not the same thing anyway. A tea towel in the US is a dish towel. A wash cloth is called a face flannel in British English.