Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in my workplace's bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. I had toothpaste smeared all over my cheek. I spent the rest of the day wondering how many people had noticed and said nothing. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML
Today, I was washing my face and I started rinsing the soap off my face with my eyes closed when I felt something gooey on my face. I opened my eyes to realize I had been rubbing snot on my face from when water got up my nose and apparently snot came down with it. FML
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark, only to discover it was poop. After further investigation, I found out my younger sister had been wearing them and "experimenting". FML
Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML
Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML
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Top comments
Zebidee 9
I'll post this up here, because everyone gets a chance to read it that way (and it also answers #1's question). 'Turps' is an Australian abbreviation for turpentine, either wood turpentine, or the mineral kind that is called 'white spirit' in other places. It's the stuff you use to clean paint brushes. Although it can be used as slang for alcohol, in this context, it can only mean turpentine. It's the word you'd use 99% of the time when referring to the product. There - now no-one has to ask again, and we can all get on with our lives. Oh, and OP - WTF?! How could you not smell that a mile off?
Honesty4U 0
Here in the Southern USA we just call them dish rags and countertops.
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Comments (172)
JesusSchwartz 5
I thought they misspelled "turds", and if they couldn't tell there were turds on the towel, they deserved getting it all on their face...
Slolo420 0
have none of you heard of Urban Dictionary??
Tylerhines1995 0
WTF is a turp
Slolo420 0
for real #159 .. i just finished telling you where to find the definition .. are you people really that dumb
raideretteQueen 0
Thanks for the clarifications... i was like bench? Turpe? Lol
ashisthebomb 0
138--- in America we don't use those words...we call a kitchen counter a countertop not a bench-that's something you sit on and we call "tea towels" wash clothes sooo DONT JUDGE!!!
Zebidee 9
I judge, because I'm completely familiar with every alternative word for every item that's been used on this thread. If someone used any variant of any of these in conversation, it wouldn't cause me a second's confusion. Being aware of the idiosyncrasies of your own language isn't that big a leap. Speaking of which, "wash *cloths" is what you call them, and it's not the same thing anyway. A tea towel in the US is a dish towel. A wash cloth is called a face flannel in British English.
Babblez 0
Or a face washer in Aussie >.> :P
Babblez 0
I have one, but thanks :)
AlphaWolf24 0
ok i speak for all wen i say. ...wut o.o
j_amanda 0
what are turps?
help_us_lisa 0
Ugh brits have the stupidest slang words. Do you mean turpentine? Who the f shortens that?? FYL