Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in my workplace's bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. I had toothpaste smeared all over my cheek. I spent the rest of the day wondering how many people had noticed and said nothing. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML
Today, I was washing my face and I started rinsing the soap off my face with my eyes closed when I felt something gooey on my face. I opened my eyes to realize I had been rubbing snot on my face from when water got up my nose and apparently snot came down with it. FML
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark, only to discover it was poop. After further investigation, I found out my younger sister had been wearing them and "experimenting". FML
Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML
Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML
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Top comments
Zebidee 9
I'll post this up here, because everyone gets a chance to read it that way (and it also answers #1's question). 'Turps' is an Australian abbreviation for turpentine, either wood turpentine, or the mineral kind that is called 'white spirit' in other places. It's the stuff you use to clean paint brushes. Although it can be used as slang for alcohol, in this context, it can only mean turpentine. It's the word you'd use 99% of the time when referring to the product. There - now no-one has to ask again, and we can all get on with our lives. Oh, and OP - WTF?! How could you not smell that a mile off?
Honesty4U 0
Here in the Southern USA we just call them dish rags and countertops.
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Comments (172)
mintcar 10
Was it a honey bun? I used to love them.
carnage1106 0
WTF how did u get honey buns!?!? but yes I also do love honey buns.
flickyourbic1223 7
The OP ate "something really sticky". Honey buns are really sticky... :)
ChrisLTC 3
why was there a towel soaked with turps? Spill it when you were mixing it in your o.j.?
ulicksam 0
If a towel is out, it was probably used for something. YDI for checking it out first, idiot.
seahorses4eva 4
You saw a tea towel on the bench? Was it YOUR tea towel...or like, a bench you were familiar with? If not, that's gross and YDI.
Shawnee_dear 10
"or a bench you were familiar with" That part made me laugh so hard. (:
ambowew 7
So, after devouring your boyfriend penis you decided to move onto the turps for desert. You, my friend, like the strangest things.
gabblala 0
WIN! :D
AnneFTW 17
YDI for using an abbreviation which is clearly not common and causing so many arguments.
cha5e 0
Lots of slang is regional. Unfortunately many people probably don't know which of the slang terms they use are regional and which aren't. Maybe the OP isn't well-traveled, but even if she is, how often do you discuss turpentine while on vacation? For instance, I've always said "white out" rather than "liquid paper" or "correction fluid". I have no idea if they call it "white out" in other countries, or even in other regions of my own country.
brnybrwn 0
lol
fadingaway 17
We(South Africans) call correction fluid/tape Tippex, after the brand name, like Kleenex.
jess2gd4u 0
and u no26 are a small brain. maybe if u try using it you will expand ur capacity!
t765234 10
Anyone else having trouble deciphering the above comment?
dudeitsdanny 10
White out= Liquid paper in Mexico. Just so ya know. And I believe that comment is better left to Doc's Idiot-English dictionary. Something about "I keep failing 2nd grade"
Zebidee 9
The irony is that as a 17 year old Irish girl, the absolute next thing she is going to do is go and spend a year in Australia like every other Irish person that has ever lived. Good luck giving the Aussies a hard time for the way they talk when you're looking for a job over there.
deirdreMFpimp 0
your stupid for not speaking english. I think you should have wiped your face with a towel covered in shit.
JenL_fml 7
You're stupid for using "your" instead of "you're"
OldMrFranklin 0
amen
Pebbles89 9
ahahahahaha!!!!
bear815 0
could be a spelling mistake for turd.
babez11 0
ok if u like my profile picture comment a <3 love ur sexy stripper friend
SeedlessMe 13
Wow, so fml now sells ad space to hookers? We've come a long way baby.... Ew, btw
ambowew 7
^ I know, right? Get off fml and get back on the corner where you belong.
cheergirly789 4
I bet this is like a fat, pathetic, 12 year old girl.
JrTinoco 6
haha yeah probably
YayaInLalaLand 0
Hey, at least she's not ashamed of the fact that she's a ***** lmao
skate4life753 0
or me ; )
JenL_fml 7
Ok, so I got two meanings for "turps". I got turpentine, and I got something about a prostate from Google. Someone also stated something about Australian alcohol. So I'm confused. Which is it? I think turpentine is the best guess.
Jay1D 0
I assume alcohol as the OP is Australian...
JenL_fml 7
Ahh yes, yes.
fadingaway 17
It's turpentine. Accidentally rubbing your face with alcohol isn't an FML, nor does it smell ''really bad.''
JenL_fml 7
Yeah, this is why I was confused, cause it seems like both would make some kind of sense. But I guess turpentine would make a greater deal of sense.
Babblez 0
Its turpentine. Nobody calls their god damn alcohol turps >.> Unless its **** off strong home brew vodka or something >.> We tend to call alcohol by its name. Alcohol. Or beverages. Or the brand name that we drink like Cruisers or Jim Beam or Jack Daniels or Bundy rum. Or the name of the spirit, Tequila, vodka, rum, whiskey. Or Wine. We call our alcohol the same damn thing as yanks or brits. Jesus christ -_-;
JenL_fml 7
Thanks for the clarification, but you seem upset. >.>
jess2gd4u 0
no122. i thunk u need to get a job!
Babblez 0
I have one, but thanks :)
red1355 6
first and foremost..... LEARN HOW TO SPEAK!! Then you will type correctly!!