Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, after I took a shower, I was wiping my face with the towel I share with my sister. It smelled peculiar, so I took my face away and looked at it. Turns out, I was wiping my face on a huge shit stain. FML
Today, I was drying myself with a towel after a shower when I noticed a bad smell. After running out of toilet paper last night, one of my friends decided to use my clean towel to wipe herself instead. FML
Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in my workplace's bathroom and caught my reflection in the mirror. I had toothpaste smeared all over my cheek. I spent the rest of the day wondering how many people had noticed and said nothing. FML
Today, I did a big shit at work and found there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe my ass with disinfectant toilet seat wipes. It burns so bad, I can almost taste it. FML
Today, I grabbed a fresh hand towel from the drawer in the bathroom. I wiped my hands and noticed they smelled like shit. My 6-year-old had wiped poo from his finger onto the dark grey towels. I guess he sometimes helps the poo out. Good to know. FML
Today, I was washing my face and I started rinsing the soap off my face with my eyes closed when I felt something gooey on my face. I opened my eyes to realize I had been rubbing snot on my face from when water got up my nose and apparently snot came down with it. FML
Today, while showering, I pulled on my white exfoliating gloves ready to wash my face. As I was about to use them, a dark stain caught my eye so I sniffed the mark, only to discover it was poop. After further investigation, I found out my younger sister had been wearing them and "experimenting". FML
Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML
Today, something smelled absolutely disgusting in the bathroom. Like cow shit and stinky beetles. I started sniffing around, because whatever it was, I had to find it and clean it up. That, however, proved difficult, because it turned out that smell was coming from the new soap my mom had bought. FML
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Top comments
Zebidee 9
I'll post this up here, because everyone gets a chance to read it that way (and it also answers #1's question). 'Turps' is an Australian abbreviation for turpentine, either wood turpentine, or the mineral kind that is called 'white spirit' in other places. It's the stuff you use to clean paint brushes. Although it can be used as slang for alcohol, in this context, it can only mean turpentine. It's the word you'd use 99% of the time when referring to the product. There - now no-one has to ask again, and we can all get on with our lives. Oh, and OP - WTF?! How could you not smell that a mile off?
Honesty4U 0
Here in the Southern USA we just call them dish rags and countertops.
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Comments (172)
legitasaurusrex 0
hahahahahahahha its the jar squatter guy... so how the hell did it not shatter in his anus?
ladyvader401 5
Fun fact: I was just watching an episode of House Hunters International in which a couple was buying a home in Australia. They just explained that what I've only ever heard called the kitchen counter is the "bench" in Australia. So I think that's what the OP is referring to there. Apologies if anybody else already pointed that out. :-)
summersizzle 0
isn't it technically illegal to release a picture of a patient onto the internet for personal purposes without consent. a bit unprofessional. unless that isn't a real picture then nvm.
OCDC 9
Well technically from that angle the patient looks the exact same as any other ******* person who shoved a bottle up their ass. So no, I don't think permission is needed in this instance.
guywithhead 5
what the hell is a Turp?
Bosia 0
Why exactly was this sticky "something" you consumed?
Bosia 0
Woops... that should have been a "what" not a "why".
bmanholmes 3
a turban you mean or washcloth
naynay104 0
i wasnt implying that drinking turps was common in australia lol calm down, im just saying some people have, thats why its used to describe hardcore alcohol. I'm australian too and don't hear the expression all the time, but have once or twice
OAAS 0
I could swear I've seen this one before
OAAS 0
Wait no I moderated this one Disregard that I suck cocks
IMveryHUNGRY 3
first sentence...that's what she said
ckjacques53198 0
what is a tea towel? what is turps?