Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how...

By Kaji - 14/11/2008 11:20 - France

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

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Intimacy

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Weird kid

Night terrors

By CollegeBound - 17/8/2012 19:55 - United States - Tully

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

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By ilovebigmacs - 6/8/2015 04:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, a customer at work made threats against me and my two-month old son. Instead of following policy by notifying the police, my manager apologized to him and told me to leave. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2019 06:44

Today, I was in a public toilet taking a dump. I then noticed someone trying to peep under the door, so I kicked them in the head as hard as I could. Turned out it was a 5-year-old looking for his parent. FML

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By Meow - 11/7/2009 06:28 - Australia

Today, while working at McDonald's a car full of obnoxious teens came through. They had made a $30 order, and handed me a tin of small change, claiming that on a McDonald's ad they saw that we, employees, liked counting change. I had to count out $30 in spare change during a rush period at work. FML

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By missmirror - 2/5/2011 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents woke me up by pouring a glass of freezing cold water over my head. Their reason? They were 'bored'. FML

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By hapless - 16/1/2009 07:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver tells me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listen to him for 20mins, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charges me £5.80 and my boss gives me a warning for being late. FML

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By kalazoo21 - 25/8/2009 12:54 - United States

Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML

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By Namnack - 2/2/2010 19:38 - Netherlands

Today, I found I had rolled, and was smoking a cigarette without realising it after proudly entering my third day of being a non-smoker. FML

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By theoriginalkydd - 11/12/2018 07:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I met up with my ex girlfriend for coffee. It’s been months, and I was planning on flexing on her with my new car. Turns out, she also got a new car, and it’s newer, cleaner, faster, and better on gas... FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2011 05:43 - United States

Today, my son got really high and shaved the dog with my electric shaver. Not only does the dog look really bad, I didn't know my son used drugs. I now have to buy the dog a sweater and get my son some help. FML

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By bloody - 15/6/2013 08:57 - United States

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

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By thanksdad - 16/3/2014 19:28 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2016 17:17

Today, I woke up and found a turd casually sitting in the bathroom sink. Just 9 more months left on this lease. FML

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By mettaton - 17/1/2019 00:00

Today, I realized that my mom talks to me with the exact same tone of voice she uses for my little cousin. I’m 23 and my cousin is 2. FML

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By justno - 3/8/2018 19:00

Today, my best friend of 10 years blocked me for no reason. When I went to her house to ask why she did it and apologize for whatever it was, she told me to kill myself and slammed the door. I still don't know what I did. FML

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By IloveJapan - 2/4/2012 14:02 - Japan

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML

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By RektForLyfe - 25/7/2016 03:32 - United States - Wickliffe

Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2011 10:43 - Australia

Today, I was sitting waiting for my train for a long while. When it finally came, I had pins and needles in my foot. When I got up, I fell and unsuccessfully stumbled towards the train. The doors closed and it left without me. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2018 05:00

Today I went in for an STD test. The Q-tip broke off in my urethra. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2015 17:16 - Japan

Today, I'm on vacation in Japan with my brother. When he said he could speak Japanese, I guess what he really meant that he's a dumbass weeaboo who only knows the words "kawaii", "baka", "sugoi" and a few others. He ended up offending two locals so much that they beat the shit out of us. FML

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By Jayde - 4/2/2012 05:12 - United States

Today, I received a single, hand-made Valentine's card from the weirdest kid in the school. It said, "If you ever get mauled by a bear, I hope he doesn't damage your face." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2010 13:24 - Tanzania United Republic of

Today, I was driving along when I saw a hot girl walking. I decided to impress her by doing a 180 degree turn. Successfully pulling off my trick, I decided to back up so I could go the right way. Not looking behind, I backed up and smashed into a wall. FML

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By creimers - 1/7/2020 23:01

Tis the season

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

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By sillystring - 13/10/2009 10:09 - China

Today, as I was walking home, a friend passed me by on his moped, and sprayed a bunch of silly string at me. Unfortunately, he hit me in the eye, temporarily blinding me. As I stumbled around blind, I accidentally knocked a bunch of 3 year olds off their bikes, causing them to cry. FML

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By IHateGroupProjects - 25/4/2012 13:25 - United States - Riverdale

Today, I've now received my 73rd email in two days about my masters group project on policy recommendations for security reform. One group member has helpfully rewritten everything, and our project is now titled "Zeus's Earthly Kingdom." It's due today. FML

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By MarcusJones713 - 8/4/2009 11:17 - United States

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 14:33 - United States

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

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By bh2000 - 29/5/2020 17:00

Pay up

Today, I'd purchased a ticket for the train on my mobile app. Some idiot pushed past me on his way out and in the process makes me drop my phone, ruining it. A conductor then came to check my ticket and I got fined 150 dollars. FML

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By TheSuregeon - 18/3/2010 02:12 - United States

Today, I applied for my job, while working at my job. I hope they hire me. FML

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By dentistrygirl - 3/5/2012 19:41 - United States

Today, while I was sneaking a boy out of my room at 2am, I ran into my mom sneaking a man into her room. FML

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By Shouldaknown - 6/8/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

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By Guilpie - 29/1/2017 16:00 - Germany - Heidelberg

Today, I politely asked our overweight neighbour to park on her side of the garage. Three unsuccessful tries later, she drives out and parks on the street in a huff, and I'm now the world's biggest bastard because she can't legally park on her side and still open her door due to her size. FML

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By dumper - 5/11/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/6/2013 17:34 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

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By Harry - 13/5/2014 22:37 - United States - Milledgeville

Today, I went to a restaurant with my friend, where my credit card got denied in front of everyone. The staff teased me and made me sit in the restaurant while my friend begged for money outside. FML

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By fearofzombies - 13/8/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML

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By lizard - 9/1/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

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By Charlayyyy - 16/12/2010 02:30

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

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By ultraattitude - 22/4/2012 07:01 - United States - Union City

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

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Top comments

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#77633 - Thursday 2 April 2009 20:57

I just laughed!
Maybe he'll call you back the next morning too!

By WhatThePhuc | 0

#640 - Sunday 8 February 2009 8:35

i lol'd

Comments

By WhatThePhuc | 0

#640 - Sunday 8 February 2009 8:35

i lol'd

drzhottie148 | 0

#446442 - Saturday 1 August 2009 2:50

I LMAO soo much, FAVORITES

Fancypants753 | 0

#1014620 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 5:59

yphhuiiwssddxxzzdwqoqazl. qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm

thatonek1d | 0

#1029659 - Sunday 13 June 2010 20:13

y the fuck do u have her bros ##??!!

nintendomagic1 | 0

#1033803 - Thursday 17 June 2010 17:05

i did that once god only knows what would've happened if i had sent it to her older gay brother its funny when it doesnt happen to u FYL

By xRonnix | 0

#6153 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 2:41

Hahahahaah
all these comments are hilarious.

By HyperFlirt | 0

#20824 - Sunday 8 March 2009 4:59

LMAO!

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#30833 - Saturday 14 March 2009 4:09

LOL @ #3

By Squantiago | 0

#37987 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 20:32

hahahaha

By SimpleIdiot | 0

#54919 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 9:46

thx for posting that
i love FML

By K2snow | 0

#55425 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 17:31

that's what you get for saying the words "make love" in serious context

By xMooMoox | 0

#73427 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:36

Lol at # 3
If her brothers older he could beat you up if hes younger he could be confused lol.
Either way its sucks to be you!

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#77633 - Thursday 2 April 2009 20:57

I just laughed!
Maybe he'll call you back the next morning too!

By csullivan33 | 0

#150969 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 18:13

this realy sounds fake to me. how does someone manage to send the text message and a message this improtant to someone w/o looking at the name first.

siskob | 0

#1903124 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 10:53

exactly

Mcstud1y | 30

#6330922 - Wednesday 24 June 2015 20:53

Accidentally pressing the wrong spot