Intimacy: Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how...

By Kaji - France

Today, I sent a text message to my girlfriend telling her how much I wanted to make love to her tonight. I've just realized I sent it to her brother. FML

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Intimacy

Family values

Jonah begs to differ

Public transport FTW

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted everyone in my phone to remind them mother's day is tomorrow. Everyone including the boy whose mom died last year. FML

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19897

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By Hellau - France

Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

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By Lexi - United States

Waiting For Godot 2: Electric Boogaloo

Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML

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1723

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By fuuuuck - United States

Today, I had a big presentation to do at work, so I got up early and ran myself a bath. I woke up three hours later, extremely late, and still in the bath. FML

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By JoseIsAdork - United States - Somers

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

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By weirdo - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to send him a pic of myself being happy for his phone's caller ID. So I picked out a picture where I'm grinning a big grin, clearly very happy like he asked. He replies back, "You look weird there. Send a pretty one." FML

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By GiantsFan13 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

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By Well, crap - Denmark - Kongerslev

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

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By pritch44 - United States

Today, I found out that we have six skunks under my shed. While I was mowing the lawn, they all came out and sprayed me. FML

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By cxcrktkt - United States

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

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By sleep deprived

Three years

Today, it's been three years since my sister gave me a kitten. Coincidentally, it’s also been three years since I've had sex. FML

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1477

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By asleepinclass - Poland

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nearly a year since my dad died. Not paying attention, my husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML

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48741

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2020 05:00 - Australia

Jaws

Today, I was violently sick. There was so much vomit forcing itself out that I dislocated my jaw. I continued throwing up with a dislocated jaw for an hour or so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2024

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By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

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37961

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By GodDaughter - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house so I texted my cousin to come over and help me get in. She came over, stood on a chair and lifted me through the smallest unlocked window possible. Sadly, this was my bathroom window and I ended up head-first into my toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37509

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By Anonymous - United States - Hillsboro

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

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39352

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By Anon E. Mouse - United States - Waterville

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

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27883

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By crinitis - Canada - Ancaster

Today, I found out my parents only had me in an attempt to fix their relationship. It didn't work. FML

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22973

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By u.p.i.c. - United States - Los Angeles

Today, the smell of my own fart made me feel hungry. FML

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1095

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519

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By Anonymous

Today, my drunk grandma flashed me, after confusing me, a 19 year old girl, for my grandpa. FML

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30809

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By Anonymous - United States - Westerville

Today, the family computer kept overheating. My four-year-old son thought the solution was to pour a nice, cold cup of water on it. FML

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12942

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By LordCrafte - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML

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52311

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By Silbax1 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I overheard my co-workers talking about how they don't need flu shots because everyone else gets them. These people are in the medical industry. FML

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35419

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By buggingout - United States

Today, it's the first day of my Hawaiian honeymoon. We found out that the pool is under construction and our room is infested with roaches. We are paying $375 a night for this. FML

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By bleu_noir - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

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49491

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By beateneggs - United States

Ouch

Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24336

You deserved it

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By Lennyr - United States - Union City

Today, I gave birth to my first born child. Somehow, my mom and mother in law made their way to the delivery room, and walked in mid-push. While they were escorted out, I overheard my mother in law asking the nurse how her son, my husband, was holding up. FML

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14422

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, some guy on a bike kept taunting me about my weight while I was out jogging. He ended up hitting a street lamp and fell off his bike. I had a real good laugh at him for all of 5 seconds before he got mad and really made me run. FML

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15037

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a bucket of Twizzlers for our 1 year anniversary because 'he knew I liked them.' He has no idea why I am so upset. FML

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18546

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By sleepingonmydesk - United Kingdom - Longfield

Today, after not being able to sleep for two hours because my boyfriend wouldn't stop talking, he fell asleep and I was left wide awake. I listened to him snore for another three hours and only got a couple of hours sleep. He's not working today, but I am. FML

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27326

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2020 02:00

Jot that down

Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML

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1285

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911

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Understanding

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1659

You deserved it

697

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By Anonymous - United States - Staten Island

Date grape

Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1857

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By kylie - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me, and asked if he could come over to 'have some fun'. Thinking we were going to do it, I freshened up. Turns out his idea of 'having some fun' is playing Doodle Jump and Angry Birds on my iPod. For three hours. FML

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By nipped - Australia

Today, I thought it would be fun to tease my dog by standing above her and hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up and bite at my chest whilst I wasn't wearing a shirt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting my nipple sewn back on. FML

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13957

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By Autumn

TMI

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

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Top comments

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#77633 - Thursday 2 April 2009 20:57

I just laughed!
Maybe he'll call you back the next morning too!

By WhatThePhuc | 0

#640 - Sunday 8 February 2009 8:35

i lol'd

COMMENTS

By WhatThePhuc | 0

#640 - Sunday 8 February 2009 8:35

i lol'd

drzhottie148 | 0

#446442 - Saturday 1 August 2009 2:50

I LMAO soo much, FAVORITES

Fancypants753 | 0

#1014620 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 5:59

yphhuiiwssddxxzzdwqoqazl. qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm

thatonek1d | 0

#1029659 - Sunday 13 June 2010 20:13

y the fuck do u have her bros ##??!!

nintendomagic1 | 0

#1033803 - Thursday 17 June 2010 17:05

i did that once god only knows what would've happened if i had sent it to her older gay brother its funny when it doesnt happen to u FYL

By xRonnix | 0

#6153 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 2:41

Hahahahaah
all these comments are hilarious.

By HyperFlirt | 0

#20824 - Sunday 8 March 2009 4:59

LMAO!

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#30833 - Saturday 14 March 2009 4:09

LOL @ #3

By Squantiago | 0

#37987 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 20:32

hahahaha

By SimpleIdiot | 0

#54919 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 9:46

thx for posting that
i love FML

By K2snow | 0

#55425 - Tuesday 24 March 2009 17:31

that's what you get for saying the words "make love" in serious context

By xMooMoox | 0

#73427 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 23:36

Lol at # 3
If her brothers older he could beat you up if hes younger he could be confused lol.
Either way its sucks to be you!

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#77633 - Thursday 2 April 2009 20:57

I just laughed!
Maybe he'll call you back the next morning too!

By csullivan33 | 0

#150969 - Tuesday 28 April 2009 18:13

this realy sounds fake to me. how does someone manage to send the text message and a message this improtant to someone w/o looking at the name first.

siskob | 0

#1903124 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 10:53

exactly

Mcstud1y | 30

#6330922 - Wednesday 24 June 2015 20:53

Accidentally pressing the wrong spot