Love: Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing...

Hey everyone! Op here, thought I'd clear some things up. I had my phone on me but it was dead that night. I actually saw the girl again last night at another party, I told her the story and she have me her number again! Everything worked out for the best I guess, Thanks for the funny comments everyone!!!

Love

The smell detective is on the case

Good kid

Stay at home, especially you

23/07/2011 23:52

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 677

You deserved it 6 130

Capitalism kills

By glorified taxi driver - 11/06/2020 20:08

Today, after starting a new job, having two ovarian cysts rupture and been in and out of the hospital twice in a week, I'd been told that I couldn't work, needed surgery, and could lose my ovary. I’m 23. I was told that my job was secure and not to worry. I received my termination letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 073

You deserved it 112

01/10/2011 23:03

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 997

You deserved it 2 763

Starfish

By WhyBother - 21/02/2021 05:02

Today, while having sex with my husband, I was tired so a lot more of a starfish than I usually am. My husband came sooner and harder than he ever had, and declared it the best sex we've had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 280

12/08/2016 17:32

Today, after cleaning the whole house, I still couldn't get rid of the foul smell. Later, my roommate revealed his new place to "stash and dry" his socks: The ventilation ducts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 401

You deserved it 878

She definitely won though.

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 15:00

Today, as part of our prank war, my girlfriend found a hairy tarantula picture and stuck it on the wall. I hadn't yet told her I'm arachnophobic, and when I saw it I passed out and hit my head hard enough to need an ambulance. She decided she's won the war and I don't get a say in the matter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 553

You deserved it 756

Money for whining

By Anonymous - 14/05/2021 23:59

Today, I realized I get paid to hear my boss complain and talk crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 103

And I oop

By easygoing765 - 06/06/2021 11:01

Today, I found out the girl I hit on at the store I work at is my second cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 215

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 06:01

Today I found out my ex-girlfriend from college, who had to leave because her visa expired after we dated for a year and a half, actually came back to the States two years later to get her PHD and didn't tell me. We had parted on good terms and were good friends to each other. I've given up on dating altogether. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 139

05/02/2017 22:00

Today, I discovered why the toilet seat is often sticky in the morning. My husband is too lazy to lift the seat, instead opting to pee all over it and sleepily wipe it down with loo paper if he notices a splash. He doesn't see why it's a problem since he 'cleans' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 411

You deserved it 758

26/05/2013 06:46

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 143

You deserved it 50 760

19/12/2015 05:01

Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 919

You deserved it 1 691

Cassius

By Noname - 11/03/2009 06:04

Today, I went on my porch for a late night cigarette. When I opened the door and took one step inside, all I remember is a big thud. I woke up 5 minutes later with my father over top of me saying, "Nice right hook, huh?" Then he chuckled. He thought I was a burglar and he knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 351

You deserved it 9 444

15/01/2011 04:05

Today, I found some nude vintage pictures in my house. I decided to beat my meat to them. Later I found out it was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 239

You deserved it 84 089

25/07/2016 20:17

Today, I was washing my car, I decided to be kind and to wash my elderly neighbor's car. As it turns out, her sunroof was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 669

You deserved it 12 423

Living a lie

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 11:01

Today, I realized I'm very much in love with my old boyfriend. I got married to someone else a few months ago, who I also very much love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 1 063

22/02/2010 03:14

Today, while I was at my girlfriend's house, I picked up her cat and held him like he was baby Simba. Apparently he didn't enjoy that, because he managed to somehow leap out of my hands and attach himself to my chest, claws extended. I now have four one-inch-long gashes on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 254

You deserved it 31 572

Spreading it around

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 14:00

Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 219

01/01/2010 00:06

Today, I met my boyfriends mother for the first time and hoped to make a good first impression. When I tried to say 'Hello', a loud rippling burp comes up from my throat. And not only that. A small chunk of mucus flies out and lands on the floor between us. So much for a good first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 910

You deserved it 5 805

27/12/2014 20:53

Today, I got into a fight with my sister. Later on she brought me a bowl of tortilla chips, which I thought was her way of apologizing. I found out too late that she'd licked the flavoring off them and it was really her way of saying "Fuck you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 048

You deserved it 4 829

02/03/2012 21:15

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 282

You deserved it 4 427

21/09/2012 01:39

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 097

You deserved it 1 979

15/01/2009 11:36

Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 122

You deserved it 4 591

05/06/2014 22:23

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 502

You deserved it 42 797

Helmut Newton strikes back

By badizzle - 15/09/2019 22:00

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 590

You deserved it 114

26/10/2011 23:44

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 450

You deserved it 5 867

20/01/2017 12:00

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 414

You deserved it 694

20/02/2011 17:30

Today, I found out the girl I gave my virginity to gave me gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 872

You deserved it 19 857

24/08/2019 00:02

Today, my mom was named principal of the school I go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 685

You deserved it 211

20/06/2011 16:14

Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 433

You deserved it 5 609

08/08/2009 13:42

Today, I was having breakfast when my mom's boyfriend came and sat right across from me. He didn't try and hide the fact that he was staring at my chest and told me, "Wow, you're getting bigger." I glared at him. He winked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 406

You deserved it 4 056

21/05/2013 19:05

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 787

You deserved it 7 049

09/03/2017 12:00

Today, I was playing with my hedgehog and he started licking my face. I thought it was super cute, until he latched onto my eyelid with his teeth. He then created a ball of saliva and blood and coated his body in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 779

You deserved it 1 013

21/05/2009 16:41

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 719

You deserved it 59 832

09/11/2012 07:26

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 545

You deserved it 2 363

Trial and mainly error

By unlucky - 13/11/2011 05:19

Today, I have done enough trials to confirm that I puke after each time I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 517

You deserved it 4 511

16/12/2009 12:33

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 584

You deserved it 30 234

Compassion

By Anonymous - 21/05/2020 20:00

Today, my mum screamed that there is nothing wrong with me, after I literally coughed up blood in front of her. This all started over me getting my medications delivered to our house, as I’m not allowed out due to Covid-19 as I’m high risk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 211

04/02/2015 15:16

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 941

You deserved it 4 900

22/08/2013 17:56

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 432

You deserved it 3 147

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Top comments

kurodansei 16

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Monday 22 July 2013 8:54

This is why most ppl have cell phones to save numbers in.

fuckyourlifeOP 25

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Monday 22 July 2013 8:55

Sorry man. Hey, at least you can get girls

Comments

kurodansei 16

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Monday 22 July 2013 8:54

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

courtney680 17

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:00

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Aregonde 15

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:26

Is it really that hard to type out the word "people?"

kurodansei 16

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Monday 22 July 2013 18:14

When you're on a cell phone and you kina sorta want first comment, you make sacrifices. Is "ppl" so difficult and obscure an abbreviation that you have to file a complaint about it in the comments?

Mossears133 15

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Monday 22 July 2013 20:22

But you didn't even get first comment, so where is ppl getting you now?

Kenton1008 21

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Monday 22 July 2013 20:58

#2, you obviously missed the part of the post where it says, "I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill."

courtney680 17

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Tuesday 23 July 2013 3:51

It's called an arm? That way you wouldn't lose the number.

CookieLovesBoo 16

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Tuesday 23 July 2013 11:27

He said he didn't have anything else on him maybe he left his cell at home , not everyone carries theirs around 24/7

wildnargles 15

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Wednesday 24 July 2013 6:27

#99- unless you lose the arm...

fuckyourlifeOP 25

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Monday 22 July 2013 8:55

Sorry man. Hey, at least you can get girls

boofgall 16

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:42

Yeah but this could've potentially be his soul mate, and now he's tampered with it!

Dswank620 18

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Monday 22 July 2013 16:54

Maybe, just maybe, she reads this site, and she will see what he did, so she will message him and then they can be together forever and ever

RoboCunnilingus 23

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Monday 22 July 2013 17:11

-gasp- Better love story than Twilight.

fareith 15

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Monday 22 July 2013 21:22

If any guy can't get girls, that's pretty sad. It's really not too hard. Grow some balls, and talk to one that is WITHIN your league. Guys that can't get any are always either awkwardly shy or trying for supermodels.

lovelyheadache 16

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Monday 22 July 2013 8:57

Aww OP, maybe you'll meet up again another time :)

dinosxxrawr 22

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Monday 22 July 2013 8:58

now someone else has her number.

TheCanucklehead 22

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Monday 22 July 2013 18:01

#5 makes you wonder what else they find on bills...

NekoNekoMidnight 7

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Monday 22 July 2013 8:58

Next time, write it on a paper. Or even your hand. You shouldn't write things on money anyway... And what if someone else gets that dollar? Now they have your cute girls number!

GenaALazer 22

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:15

He was probably trying to be cool; "Here write it on my money sweet cheeks, got loads of it"

moimoimoi125_fml 11

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:43

On a one dollar bill. Seems legit (:

tragicnightmare 15

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Monday 22 July 2013 10:13

maybe it was in pencil or just really light pen?

emmingle 24

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:00

Phone, hand, give her yours... The whole money thing wasn't necessary.

Wowxoxo 17

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Monday 22 July 2013 10:04

"... I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on my hand. Without thinking I washed my hands after using the bathroom. FML." I'm assuming OP didn't have his phone, hence the FML.

iammeorami 25

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Monday 22 July 2013 16:04

ink from a pen doesn't usually come off so easily

Mauskau 35

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Monday 22 July 2013 21:03

Write it on your arm. Lasts longer as you don't always wash your arms, not as much as your hands anyway.

profoundkisses 18

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:01

Save it in your cell phone next time!

fuckyourlifeOP 25

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:10

But he said he had nothing else on him

soldiat_fml 17

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:13

He had his skin on him. Works better than any dollar.

FMLbutYDI 17

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:03

I wonder who will have in in a year

legendxs 20

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:04

You sooooo deserve it man... Next time use your cell phone maybe?

canupls 6

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Monday 22 July 2013 17:52

"I had nothing else on me"

Enslaved 36

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:04

That girl is crazy to allow you to write her number like that. I personally wouldn't want my phone number written on money. Now everyone that gets that bill would have my number. :P That's a crank call waiting to happen.

twinkiefeets 17

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:22

Oh like your number isn't written on a few bathroom walls! Kidding. Kidding. Hahaha. Joke, hope you DO NOT take yourself too seriously. 

Enslaved 36

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Monday 22 July 2013 9:34

It has been before. Damn Faster Pussycat song! :P I have had problems with my number getting out. I hate when I go to a place like "Party City" they ask for my phone number at the register. Why dammit? I only want to buy a ballon and a box of Skittles!