Love: Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing... - FML

By gavinbanks - United States - Medford

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50740

You deserved it

26635

Tweet

Share

gavinbanks tells us more :

Hey everyone! Op here, thought I'd clear some things up. I had my phone on me but it was dead that night. I actually saw the girl again last night at another party, I told her the story and she have me her number again! Everything worked out for the best I guess, Thanks for the funny comments everyone!!!

Serious times

Every little helps

Covid 19 ain't going anywhere

By Anonymous - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29470

You deserved it

2580

Tweet

Share

By Forgotten - United States

Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47602

You deserved it

4055

Tweet

Share

By AdriBAMF - United States

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44197

You deserved it

7746

Tweet

Share

By tomuchtime

Today, my doctor told me I have tennis elbow in both arms. I don't play tennis, I just have way too much free time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13757

You deserved it

43675

Tweet

Share

By CyberHex305

Today, I went to Men's Warehouse to pick up my tux. They mistakenly set the pick-up date for the 30th of next month. My prom is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5008

You deserved it

470

Tweet

Share

By joolsie - United Kingdom - York

Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13214

You deserved it

31841

Tweet

Share

By SupaSu - Canada

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

74644

You deserved it

7891

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Not safe for work

Today, I went to move an intimate, very NSFW Word document to a secure folder on my phone. Instead, I accidentally sent it to a printer somewhere in my office building at work. I don't know which of my 40 coworkers or managers has it on their printer for their arrival tomorrow morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

832

You deserved it

2150

Tweet

Share

By dentallycorrect - United States

Today, while casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36179

You deserved it

5371

Tweet

Share

By Economess - United States

Today, after expressing some of my reservations about the amount of work I have to do to accomplish my thesis on time, my graduate advisor compared my search for knowledge to Tom Hanks' odyssey in the movie "Castaway". FML

I agree, your life sucks

24871

You deserved it

4136

Tweet

Share

By It's Something - United States - Toledo

Welcome to retail.

Today, I finally got a new job. Now, instead of dealing with trashy, rude young adults all day, I get to deal with self-entitled, berating old people all day. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2992

You deserved it

366

Tweet

Share

By SY5623 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I got all excited because I thought my crush was flirting with me, when in actuality she was taking advantage of me liking her so she and her friends could make fun of my speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35771

You deserved it

1914

Tweet

Share

By really - Canada - Ottawa

Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggest that she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill myself because of my severe medical condition". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12489

You deserved it

1009

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I ordered a surveillance camera for my home. The package got stolen after being delivered. I think they're onto me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3784

You deserved it

249

Tweet

Share

By Ralph - United States - Candler

Today, I learned that my roommate doesn't actually know a damn thing about cooking. I'm suffering the effects of him telling me that chicken is best eaten medium-rare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23144

You deserved it

13260

Tweet

Share

By secretsmakefriends - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51652

You deserved it

5152

Tweet

Share

By Foufinator - France

Today, I ordered a chicken sandwich. I was starving and it was the fastest thing to order. Half way through it, I found something which does not belong, and removed it. It was half a cockroach, and I don't know where the other half is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49025

You deserved it

3546

Tweet

Share

By LivingInSin - United States

Today, my boyfriend's ex-wife facebooked me to inform me that they were still married and he was still sleeping with her. I've been living with him for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34515

You deserved it

4228

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19878

You deserved it

58908

Tweet

Share

By vat - Hong Kong

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she could not stand the thought of being in a relationship with a man who wears orange. This is the first time I've worn an orange shirt in at least 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37281

You deserved it

3632

Tweet

Share

By Loose Goose

Today, I went on a coffee date. It turned out to be a mistake - not because he was bad, but because I forgot how much coffee upsets my stomach. Yup, it makes me need to poop, and I did. In my jeans. As he drove me home. Not quite the "run" of fun we’d planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2635

You deserved it

674

Tweet

Share

By me - United States

Today, while in my drama class, my character in a play has to quickly jump up out from his desk. Somehow, my shirt got caught on the desk, ripping it almost completely off in front of a live audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28219

You deserved it

3190

Tweet

Share

By mummer11 - Ireland

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45902

You deserved it

3115

Tweet

Share

By Seamstressed - Italy

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6162

You deserved it

1229

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/3/2020 03:11

Call the FBI on her ass

Today, I got home from work to I find my cash box open and empty. My mom walked up and said, "If you have a lock that easy to pick, you don't deserve the money." There was 650 dollars in there. She refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2159

You deserved it

157

Tweet

Share

By babylove - South Africa

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53043

You deserved it

3338

Tweet

Share

By milkysubstance - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5025

You deserved it

479

Tweet

Share

By Jioune - France - Caluire

Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13440

You deserved it

2516

Tweet

Share

By banana_tree - United Kingdom

Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35360

You deserved it

11519

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34435

You deserved it

2292

Tweet

Share

By pissed_off_girl - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37552

You deserved it

3221

Tweet

Share

By loserman - United States - Frisco

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60630

You deserved it

3762

Tweet

Share

By Minabee - United States

Today, I am meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In so doing, I accidentally touched the iron to my neck, and now I have a burn there that closely resembles a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31895

You deserved it

4865

Tweet

Share

By jeremiah - Australia

Today, I let my brother borrow my car, as he had a job interview. I told him the tank was nearly empty and gave him $20 to put some petrol in it. Ten minutes later, he calls me, saying the car won't start. He filled it up with diesel. It's a petrol car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36667

You deserved it

4612

Tweet

Share

By anne - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35718

You deserved it

5959

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Spring Valley

Today, I woke up early to bake cinnamon rolls for a party. I came home later to find the whole tray spilled onto the floor, most of the rolls eaten, and my dog sitting happily nearby. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19729

You deserved it

4609

Tweet

Share

By keifer13 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15592

You deserved it

56114

Tweet

Share

By cazorp - United States

Today, my mom told me she's a drug addict, sold my bed to buy meth, and then lectured me about how I should be okay with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43307

You deserved it

2452

Tweet

Share

By badhairday

Today, I went to the salon to get my extremely curly hair cut for the first time in years. Apparently, "just trim the dead ends" and "give me an afro" mean the same thing to a barber. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3924

You deserved it

360

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62677

You deserved it

4742

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By kurodansei | 16

#5591859 - Monday 22 July 2013 8:54

This is why most ppl have cell phones to save numbers in.

By fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#5591861 - Monday 22 July 2013 8:55

Sorry man. Hey, at least you can get girls

COMMENTS

By kurodansei | 16

#5591859 - Monday 22 July 2013 8:54

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

courtney680 | 17

#5591875 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:00

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Aregonde | 15

#5591943 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:26

Is it really that hard to type out the word "people?"

Reply

kurodansei | 16

#5592491 - Monday 22 July 2013 18:14

When you're on a cell phone and you kina sorta want first comment, you make sacrifices. Is "ppl" so difficult and obscure an abbreviation that you have to file a complaint about it in the comments?

Reply

Mossears133 | 15

#5592676 - Monday 22 July 2013 20:22

But you didn't even get first comment, so where is ppl getting you now?

Reply

Kenton1008 | 21

#5592722 - Monday 22 July 2013 20:58

#2, you obviously missed the part of the post where it says, "I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill."

Reply

courtney680 | 17

#5593279 - Tuesday 23 July 2013 3:51

It's called an arm? That way you wouldn't lose the number.

Reply

CookieLovesBoo | 16

#5593787 - Tuesday 23 July 2013 11:27

He said he didn't have anything else on him maybe he left his cell at home , not everyone carries theirs around 24/7

Reply

wildnargles | 15

#5595450 - Wednesday 24 July 2013 6:27

#99- unless you lose the arm...

By fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#5591861 - Monday 22 July 2013 8:55

Sorry man. Hey, at least you can get girls

Reply

boofgall | 16

#5591966 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:42

Yeah but this could've potentially be his soul mate, and now he's tampered with it!

Reply

Dswank620 | 18

#5592409 - Monday 22 July 2013 16:54

Maybe, just maybe, she reads this site, and she will see what he did, so she will message him and then they can be together forever and ever

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5592435 - Monday 22 July 2013 17:11

-gasp-
Better love story than Twilight.

Reply

fareith | 15

#5592752 - Monday 22 July 2013 21:22

If any guy can't get girls, that's pretty sad. It's really not too hard. Grow some balls, and talk to one that is WITHIN your league. Guys that can't get any are always either awkwardly shy or trying for supermodels.

By lovelyheadache | 16

#5591869 - Monday 22 July 2013 8:57

Aww OP, maybe you'll meet up again another time :)

By dinosxxrawr | 22

#5591871 - Monday 22 July 2013 8:58

now someone else has her number.

Reply

TheCanucklehead | 22

#5592481 - Monday 22 July 2013 18:01

#5 makes you wonder what else they find on bills...

By NekoNekoMidnight | 7

#5591873 - Monday 22 July 2013 8:58

Next time, write it on a paper. Or even your hand. You shouldn't write things on money anyway... And what if someone else gets that dollar? Now they have your cute girls number!

Reply

GenaALazer | 22

#5591905 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:15

He was probably trying to be cool; "Here write it on my money sweet cheeks, got loads of it"

Reply

moimoimoi125_fml | 11

#5591970 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:43

On a one dollar bill. Seems legit (:

Reply

tragicnightmare | 15

#5592002 - Monday 22 July 2013 10:13

maybe it was in pencil or just really light pen?

By emmingle | 24

#5591874 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:00

Phone, hand, give her yours... The whole money thing wasn't necessary.

Reply

Wowxoxo | 17

#5591992 - Monday 22 July 2013 10:04

"... I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on my hand. Without thinking I washed my hands after using the bathroom. FML."

I'm assuming OP didn't have his phone, hence the FML.

Reply

iammeorami | 25

#5592329 - Monday 22 July 2013 16:04

ink from a pen doesn't usually come off so easily

Reply

Mauskau | 35

#5592728 - Monday 22 July 2013 21:03

Write it on your arm. Lasts longer as you don't always wash your arms, not as much as your hands anyway.

By profoundkisses | 18

#5591878 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:01

Save it in your cell phone next time!

Reply

fuckyourlifeOP | 25

#5591894 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:10

But he said he had nothing else on him

Reply

soldiat_fml | 17

#5591900 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:13

He had his skin on him. Works better than any dollar.

By FMLbutYDI | 17

#5591879 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:03

I wonder who will have in in a year

By legendxs | 20

#5591880 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:04

You sooooo deserve it man... Next time use your cell phone maybe?

Reply

canupls | 6

#5592473 - Monday 22 July 2013 17:52

"I had nothing else on me"

By Enslaved | 36

#5591881 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:04

That girl is crazy to allow you to write her number like that. I personally wouldn't want my phone number written on money. Now everyone that gets that bill would have my number. :P That's a crank call waiting to happen.

Reply

twinkiefeets | 17

#5591931 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:22

Oh like your number isn't written on a few bathroom walls! Kidding. Kidding. Hahaha. Joke, hope you DO NOT take yourself too seriously. 

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#5591951 - Monday 22 July 2013 9:34

It has been before. Damn Faster Pussycat song! :P

I have had problems with my number getting out. I hate when I go to a place like "Party City" they ask for my phone number at the register. Why dammit? I only want to buy a ballon and a box of Skittles!