Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Today a cute coworker asked me out to lunch but I said no because I know how unattractive I am, and didn't think he wanted to be seen with me. He got really pissed and told me that I needed to work on my self-esteem. I just blew up something that could have been wonderful. FML
Today, I hit it off with this really sweet, attractive guy. He asked me a question that I felt uncomfortable answering, and I had a complete mental breakdown like a menstruating teenager when I declined to answer. This is why I'm single. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML
Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML
Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML
Today, I was rejected by my crush at work, because I'm "too ripped." FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
"As you wish." Asshole.
Fireashes250 16
What a douche. He could have said it nicer. You definitely dodged a bullet there OP.
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Comments (110)
MartiOan 8
Why is it, that the phrase "no offense" is allways acompanied by an offense?
tknds4 6
What a dick. Why do people bother to append "no offense" to a comment that is profoundly and inexcusably offensive?
Nanotika 1
... here comes the cold water: You might have inadvertently offended him greatly in the path you took to get your crush to notice you. This could possibly be by speaking ill of his secret hobbies, work ethic or general personality all the while not realizing it. And as this dejected nature festered in his head overtime, he shielded himself from you refusing to acknowledge your extended existence beyond what your current relationship is. And by asking him for a relationship of important word here, "intimacy" it shocked him into saying and truly meaning; "I would rather smash my balls than be in a truthful relationship with you."
rebellionwars 11
Well you do deserve it, never date anyone at work or try to.
zookid14 5
"No offense"
SushiSashi 8
At least it's better to find out he's a huge jerk before you started a relationship with him.
oogedyboogedy 14
how exactly is one not supposed to be at least a little offended by that¿
the_bassist__ 15
Hand him a mallet
NJAB2001 3
how ugly are you?
Wadlaen 24
First off, I'd say that's pretty offensive, and secondly he doesn't sound like a good guy to date.