Animals: Today, I was baby sitting my little cousin when we decided to... - FML

03/08/2009 13:26 - United States

Today, I was baby sitting my little cousin when we decided to go outside and have a "treasure hunt" in the backyard. The first thing we found? The bones of her pet dog that had passed away four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 214

You deserved it 5 684

BO Central

Time for a change

Heartbreaking

02/04/2016 00:30 - Germany - Titisee-neustadt

Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 874

You deserved it 1 608

21/11/2012 02:37 - United States - Merchantville

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 126

You deserved it 22 895

13/09/2009 14:00 - Philippines

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 9 668

Keep it down

By Help - 26/11/2011 06:03 - United States

Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 659

You deserved it 2 494

09/04/2015 01:58 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I was paired up with my long-term crush for a project. She introduced herself to me and asked if I was new this year. We've gone to the same school since kindergarten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 804

You deserved it 3 578

08/11/2014 23:02 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 824

You deserved it 4 197

24/02/2011 08:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 122

You deserved it 6 817

Disappointed

By WhatALetdown - 25/11/2015 00:26 - United States - Danbury

Spicy

Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I met him. It was the absolute worst sex of my life. I guess some things are just better left to the imagination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 479

You deserved it 5 461

You're my mommy now

By Lissy - 05/01/2021 14:02

Today, and everyday since we got a puppy in March, my husband is jealous of the puppy who follows me everywhere. He was the one that wanted the puppy and now he practically hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 177

11/01/2015 03:02 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was fired for "blatant, inexcusable racism". My boss had asked me which website background I preferred for our company, and I said that white backgrounds are usually best. He thinks that I believe in white supremacy, and that's bad for the company's image. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 884

You deserved it 2 639

27/12/2009 05:41 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend had a Christmas party for all of our friends. He asked me not to get "too drunk". I think throwing up on the floor while simultaneously peeing your pants fit his definition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 816

You deserved it 45 296

Honest discrimination

By erin - 16/05/2021 17:01

Today, I was called fatphobic for rejecting an overweight man who asked me on a date. I don’t know how to force myself to be attracted to fat people. There’s just nothing there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 206

03/02/2009 06:51 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my mother called to say that my 11-year-old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassels, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 991

You deserved it 31 963

12/11/2014 16:00 - United States

Today, at the gym, some muscle head idiot started yelling at the treadmill for not going fast enough, and I muttered "roid rage". Apparently said roids give him superhuman hearing, because he heard me from the other side of the room, and threatened to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 706

You deserved it 9 490

23/08/2017 23:15

Today, I had money set out to pay bills, for a gift, and to put in a card as my cousin's wedding gift. I was rushing and not paying attention and ended up putting all of the money in the wedding card. $400 from one person. I guess I'll have no cable or cell phone this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 2 824

Stealth bomb

By gassy - 03/03/2021 21:01 - Australia - Morwell

Today, my boyfriend and I were setting up a desktop PC we'd bought second-hand. In the middle of this, he stopped, frowning, sniffed the air a few times and said we'd better give it a good dust, because it smelt like burning. I'd just farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 838

11/11/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 297

You deserved it 4 140

Great chat!

By eric - 16/03/2011 07:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 196

You deserved it 96 243

15/02/2009 21:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he told me I was in luck. When I asked why he replied, "I like little boobs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 215

You deserved it 6 628

07/09/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 377

You deserved it 4 450

16/02/2015 03:25 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 538

You deserved it 2 356

And I oop

By porkers gonna pork :\ - 12/03/2016 15:09 - Australia - Elsternwick

Today, I met one of my fiancé's coworkers. Normally I'd never ask how far along someone's pregnancy is without being 100% sure they're not just fat, but she seemed fit. Well, I now know that virtually all the fat in some people's bodies can go straight to their gut and nowhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 761

You deserved it 6 281

12/11/2011 09:27 - Australia

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 022

You deserved it 2 802

30/03/2016 03:37 - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 179

You deserved it 4 535

08/01/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 874

You deserved it 4 550

Hard no

By Anonymous - 18/05/2021 22:01

Today, not to be "that guy" but my wife quit her job from fear of COVID, we have no kids, so am I really unreasonable to expect that she might do SOME of the housework instead of none of it, and then asking me if I would mind doing the dishes and laundry as soon as I get home? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 100

11/03/2016 22:09 - United Kingdom - Hatfield

Spicy

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 824

You deserved it 20 583

01/06/2015 03:37 - United States

Today, the babysitter not only clogged the toilet, they tried to unclog it with our vacuum cleaner hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 123

You deserved it 2 236

Ouch

By Anonymous - 13/01/2013 12:41 - United States

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 351

You deserved it 5 177

12/04/2011 10:09

Today, I wore a Stanford college T-shirt to school. My Spanish teacher took one look at it and said "You wish". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 285

You deserved it 8 294

16/03/2012 05:11 - Canada

Today, I gave in and let my friend give me a makeover. She couldn't find my eyelash curler, but decided that if she used scissors lightly, it would work just the same. Needless to say, it did not work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 446

You deserved it 30 811

23/05/2016 18:44 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 756

You deserved it 1 403

25/09/2013 14:42 - Canada - Edmonton

Spicy

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 797

You deserved it 8 799

13/12/2012 23:44 - United States - Carmel

Today, in history class, we were talking about Ancient Rome, and what childbirth would have been like back then. One girl asked in all seriousness why they didn't use ultrasound machines to see what sex their babies were. I have to deal with people like this on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 834

You deserved it 2 135

16/12/2008 07:05 - France

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 715

You deserved it 7 465

25/09/2009 15:24 - United States

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 991

You deserved it 46 699

01/07/2019 12:00

Today, I received a book about sailboats. I'd ordered a book about makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 163

Today, on Hoarders…

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 20:02 - Germany

Today, my mom’s house is so dirty and cluttered, there's hardly any space left for actually living in it. Two months ago, she intended to finally organize and tidy up. Now, she's bought a trailer and is simply moving into that instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 64

23/10/2011 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at a shooting range with my father. The target was a creepy poster of a man. My father said, "This one is for your boyfriend." Perfect groin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 155

You deserved it 4 481

25/03/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that my wife of five years is also my half-sister. She has no idea, I don't know how to tell her, and I've never been more turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 453

You deserved it 754

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:05

I'm presuming it was buried and I'm guessing her parents wouldn't have appreciated you digging up their yard regardless. What were you hoping to find? Worms or just more mud? You suck at treasure hunts.

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:13

U shoulda called em dinosaur bones

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:04

awwwww that sucks! poor little girl is gonna be traumatized-

dumped_over_WoW 0

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Tuesday 4 August 2009 16:01

i have to agree with her on that i would be after seeing my died dog for 4 years corpse in my hands ehhhhh

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:04

Ouchh. what were you expecting to find?

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:05

I'm presuming it was buried and I'm guessing her parents wouldn't have appreciated you digging up their yard regardless. What were you hoping to find? Worms or just more mud? You suck at treasure hunts.

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:11

Wasn't there an FML like this a while ago? But OP, that musta been one traumatized kid after that...

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:11

YDI having a for having a cousin whose dog died.

JenDanielle917 13

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Saturday 29 October 2011 0:49

How the hell does that mean it's OP's fault? You fail at life.

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Saturday 11 July 2015 9:57

All dislikes have no sense of sarcasm and probably Have no social skills and neck beards

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:13

U shoulda called em dinosaur bones

aback 4

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:45

That's what I was going to say--don't fucking TELL the kid "Oh hey--we've dug up your dog!", tell 'em it's a fricking dinosaur or neighbor or something.

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:51

right... cuz than he thinks hes a millionaire gets false hope goes and buys a cow on credit and when he finds out it was actually his dog, he will get his cow to stomp on you, that's a bad idea

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Monday 3 August 2009 22:33

...You have that idea entirely too well thought-out. Have you or a loved one purchased cows with credit before?

toomuchinfamaysh 0

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Monday 3 August 2009 23:22

lol at telling her it's a neighbor

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Tuesday 4 August 2009 0:36

personally, and unfortuantly I have not, but I'm just saying hes probably a smart kid, and if I found some dinosaur bones in my backyard, I would realize what a gold mine it was and probably go and buy a cow, and the guy selling it would realize it was a gold mine as well and be happy to sell it to me on credit because he knew i would be good for it because he dinosaur bones don't come around everyday. I think thats what any smart kid would do, and like i said this kid seems like a smart kid

9k5 0

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Tuesday 4 August 2009 2:18

Why a cow, though? Of all things you could buy... A COW?

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Tuesday 4 August 2009 4:55

YDI for playing with children

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:25

YDI for digging up someone else's yard. People generally tend not to like that.

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:29

that's so sad :( you shouldn't be digging in someone elses yard anyway.

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:30

If you managed to "dig" up the bones of their dead dog, I am guessing they weren't buried that deep then. :/

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Monday 3 August 2009 20:35

F the cousin's life, not yours. And 11th

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 250

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 69