Miscellaneous: Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

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Miscellaneous

Knock off

What a catch

Keep your enemies closer

By Anonymous

Today, my husband put up one of those sticky fly trap strips behind our toilet. I was tired and didn't notice it in the dark bathroom. I leaned back and it stuck in my hair. I didn't notice the dead flies in my hair until I went to buy lunch. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

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By Ashley Harn

Today, I found out I'm allergic to something in the city water. I've had itchy patches and rashes all over my body, but I can't afford to pay for the filtration system that would solve it. My landlord forbids any modifications to the shower and washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2521

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By hugadyle - 18/4/2020 14:00

Getting some action

Today, I took a trip to the library's public computer section to get some important work done. After a bit of work, I went to stretch only to see that the man next to me was watching some adult films on his computer and discreetly touching himself. I still had 58 minutes of computer time. FML

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1480

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By Anonymous - United States - Baton Rouge

No BigMac for you

Today, after months of searching for any kind of work, I finally received a call. It was McDonald's, but they said I was overqualified for the position. I thought they took anyone with a heart rate. Apparently not. FML

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1588

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

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38834

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By Anonymous - United States

Romance

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

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22742

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2021 05:01

Favoritism

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law say to her daughter "I can't wait for you to make me a real grandma." I'm pregnant with their first grandchild. FML

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868

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By hold your horses pony boy - United States

Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML

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39137

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By transfer - United States

Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

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By slicero

Today, I finally got a package for some pieces that my model kit was missing after I had contacted customer services about the problem. The package was still missing a piece. FML

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By Vercsi - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

One of those people

Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

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33225

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By Riicogonz

Today, while borrowing my girlfriend's dad's truck, I had to pay $120 to prevent it from being towed. I was parked right in front of my apartment unloading heavy furniture into my garage for not even 20 minutes while the apartment manager, who called the tow truck, watched us from his balcony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2539

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By stillwaiting - United States

Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML

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77078

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By Anonymous

Today, the girl I thought I was dating introduced me to her boyfriend. We've gone on dates and have slept in the same bed, but it turns out she thought I was her gay best friend and was planning to introduce me to her boyfriend's brother. FML

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5237

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By pantless - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went to a McDonald's drive-thru in just a shirt and underwear, thinking I wouldn't be seeing anyone. I got into a car crash. FML

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8204

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By SwaggyP

Today, we got the IQ test results back, which show our daughter is on the high end of the genius scale. This confirms what my wife and I have long feared: our 6-year-old is FAR smarter than we are. No wonder she wins all the arguments we have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1796

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525

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By Vxale - United States

Today, I met my new dentist. His teeth are worse than mine. FML

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30567

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3037

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By sodapants - United States - San Francisco

Today, a man came by with a large drink and sat next to me in the bus terminal. In all his wisdom, he tried setting it between the seats. Naturally, it spilled all over me. I now have to sit with a soaked pair of pants and a wet carry on from Nashville to Atlanta. The bus trip is 5 hours long. FML

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17955

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By sonofahypocriticalwhore - United States

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

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40396

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By stephhh055 - United States - Portland

Valid reason

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

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2301

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237

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By kittyfiddlernono - Bulgaria - Pernik

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

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48071

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By Anonymous - United States - Russellville

Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML

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1702

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222

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By tryingnottocare - United Kingdom

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

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55282

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By haunted - United States - Gainesville

Today, I woke up at 2am and went to use the toilet. I sat there doing my business, when I heard a voice whisper my name from behind me. I live alone and the toilet is right up against the wall. I screamed and ran back to my room, then went without sleep for the rest of the night. FML

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26463

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By ugly - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

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76371

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By coolkid111 - United States

Today, I was going to my prom. My mom knows I want to drink so to prevent me, she made sure I took my prescription medicine before I left. I guess her way of stopping me from drinking is killing myself If I do. FML

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17373

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By inpain - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

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15246

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By Time for a haircut - United States

Today, I was getting out of my car, when my new neighbor asked if I'd help him unhitch a trailer. On my way over, he said, "Oh never mind, I thought you were a boy." I am a boy. FML

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50768

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By Greg - United States

Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, that jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML

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42683

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the orthodontist's to get my braces tightened, and I chose baby blue bands. Turns out they make my teeth look extremely yellow. Only a month and a half to go. FML

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23635

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend, the man who I've been in love with for nine years, finally told me he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Unfortunately, it was while he was using me to practice proposing to his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55802

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By oops - United States

Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML

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38715

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By ninaaaa - United Kingdom - London

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

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36711

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4000

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By CreepedOut - United States

Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35509

You deserved it

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By Potforapeso - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

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42393

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By Nickel

Today, my mom's friend came over. She brought her son and claimed that we could have bonding time. I ended up chasing the five-year-old around the house for an hour. After they'd left, my mom saw that the little kid had broken a lamp and a clock. She then said I had to pay for it using my money. FML

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3822

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By AAA - 11/2/2021 11:01

Hole for life

Today, I got a new piercing because I was trying to be spontaneous. Now, I realize its placement is off and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

307

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By Anonymous - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

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63155

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By how - United States - Crozier

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

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Top comments

By Doortje | 29

#2179258 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:48

Ooh, pogo sticks!
Definitely worth it.
But YDI for eating that much. Try to control yourself next time.

By Jimboom | 11

#2179784 - Monday 14 March 2011 10:33

Yes I see. Another victim of Pogo dieting. Less dangerous than Yo-yo dieting but more messy.

COMMENTS

By kenshinjapan | 2

#2179252 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:47

idiot.

Civilianswilldie | 0

#2183224 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 4:54

I'm sorry OP but my sympathy meter seems to be on E.

jeffav51 | 0

#2183699 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:03

totally dude.

primadonna9396 | 16

#2200208 - Friday 18 March 2011 18:24

Agreed. Who the fuck goes to Olive Garden under the age of 70?

Brennanrulez | 0

#2222728 - Tuesday 22 March 2011 13:28

who the hell gets sick from a pogo stick?

moonbootz | 7

#6043372 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 22:45

hahahahaha

By Doortje | 29

#2179258 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:48

Ooh, pogo sticks!
Definitely worth it.
But YDI for eating that much. Try to control yourself next time.

MissBunny25 | 0

#2180390 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:01

pogo sticks are awesome :D

vegan_muffin | 4

#2181231 - Monday 14 March 2011 19:19

not as awesome as DISCO sticks.

SwaggerMelon | 6

#2181696 - Monday 14 March 2011 22:30

58 Win ^

ofernando84 | 4

#2181846 - Monday 14 March 2011 23:29

How can u not over eat at Olive Garden? Breadsticks are free goddammit!

By 510beauty | 0

#2179275 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:54

YDI

By kingtz | 6

#2179279 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:55

Yeah, ydi for pigging out.

By JacindasaurXD | 0

#2179317 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:08

I've never road a pogo stick:(
consider yourself lucky hehe

kingtz | 6

#2179327 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:11

Road?

LuxAeterna_fml | 0

#2179797 - Monday 14 March 2011 10:39

Tree?

lukethe | 0

#2180238 - Monday 14 March 2011 14:01

Not only did you spell 'rode' wrong, you were saying it in the wrong tense... "I've never RIDDEN..."

Jeeeeez!

cptmorgan15 | 2

#2180496 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:32

I don't know about you people, but i don't ride pogo sticks either. I have used one though.

theian01 | 3

#2181009 - Monday 14 March 2011 17:49

You can ride MY pogo stuck ;-D

*gets shot*

theian01 | 3

#2181017 - Monday 14 March 2011 17:50

Umm. stick. stupid phone.

QueenOfBoredom | 0

#2181028 - Monday 14 March 2011 17:53

i snickered at this ^_^

Epic_Phale615 | 0

#2181376 - Monday 14 March 2011 20:24

I love snickers!

kris12k4 | 4

#2183201 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 4:46

epic fail, yeah that happens alot

oooKiLLaHooo | 0

#2183757 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:20

I love this comment..it's soo dumb..33 is right unless #5 is dead..

oooKiLLaHooo | 0

#2183770 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:22

then it's still wrong..lol..whoops..

By j300zx | 0

#2179325 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:11

Awesome combination.

By clashatdemonhead | 3

#2179335 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:19

wow you're stupid. hopefully you never get pregnant, a repeat of this and you'd give yourself an abortion

Celesta | 11

#2180405 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:04

Why would you assume she'd use a pogo stick while pregnant?

MoreLemonPledge | 0

#2183048 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 3:22

you look like a girl I knew named mardy or marty or something

clashatdemonhead | 3

#2184123 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 9:02

just a guess haha

By afdude87 | 6

#2179338 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:20

odd combination

By givants | 0

#2179364 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:36

I case you don't get it, she/he threw up

Doortje | 29

#2179369 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:41

THAT'S why her shoes are two different colours?! Oooh, I totally get it now, thank you so much!

john7h567hgrd | 0

#2179376 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:45

Ooooh!! I didn't understand this AT ALL...

ImRickJamesBish | 0

#2180197 - Monday 14 March 2011 13:42

#10 thank you because I certainly did not get it!

cptmorgan15 | 2

#2180499 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:34

Haha PHEW! Thank god there's someone smart enough to figure this out for us.

jbsington | 8

#2180540 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:48

lol, sarcasm, sarcasm...

Exhausti | 0

#2181258 - Monday 14 March 2011 19:34

#48

Seriously?! :O

free2speak | 14

#2181306 - Monday 14 March 2011 19:51

ohh! I thought she pooped her pants! oops on my part!

gtkt3 | 0

#2183455 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 6:07

number thirteen is a faggot

By NeverLetGo13 | 0

#2179383 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:49

I modded this and btw op your a fool

j300zx | 0

#2179953 - Monday 14 March 2011 12:13

That's what she said^^^
Ha!