Miscellaneous: Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying...

By Anonymous - 14/03/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 566

You deserved it 38 358

Miscellaneous

Broken heart

Get out while you still can

Bad car day

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 2 817

By Anonymous - 03/07/2018 01:30

Today, I found out I'm 9 weeks pregnant. I got on Facebook to message my baby daddy, but was stopped in my tracks by his mugshot plastered all over my news feed for an alleged meth distribution investigation. He was already on parole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 468

You deserved it 4 603

By itsjustnotfair - 05/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, my dentist asked me about my fillings, so I told him that when I was younger, I had 2 cavities. He replied, "No you didn't. I just looked at your x-rays." Turns out my old dentist ripped me off. I never needed fillings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 326

You deserved it 2 537

By khaelian - 11/11/2010 16:53 - United States

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 902

You deserved it 4 072

Addicted to love

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was half paying attention to a text message conversation with someone about how addicted we both were to social media. It's wasn't until deep into the conversation that I realized we were actually talking about porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 995

By mortified - 22/01/2011 16:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my dentist pulled a pubic hair out of my braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 423

You deserved it 55 201

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 349

You deserved it 26 875

So young, so jaded

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 13:59

Today, like every day, I scrolled through my social media feeds, seeing happy couples, people buying houses and landing their dream jobs. I, on the other hand, am a single 23 year-old man in a dead end job that still lives with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 528

By ccgundum - 01/02/2014 07:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, someone hit my parked car. The impact caused the front of the car to go up onto the sidewalk, and I got a ticket for parking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 223

You deserved it 3 985

By peachesthepigeon - 19/01/2011 18:54 - United States

Today, at work, I helped out an employee who was having trouble. I even bought her a bottle of water. After the production manager decided to fire her on the spot, she went out in the parking lot and broke into several cars, including mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 2 660

Outcast

By Anonymous - 22/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while looking through the newspaper, I saw that my sister got married a couple weeks ago. Not only did she not invite me, she "forgot" to mention it yesterday while we were having lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 72

By DocBastard, meet DocCunt - 18/10/2013 22:12 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 978

You deserved it 3 488

Dancing queen

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 16:44 - Switzerland

Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 037

You deserved it 6 381

It's called a calendar

By Anonymous - 19/05/2021 17:31 - India - Mumbai

Today, it was my first day at my first job, I got up early, got ready, waited an hour for HR to call. I called them instead and they didn't answer, so I wrote an email to the partners. It turns out I got the first day date wrong. Some first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 658

You deserved it 371

DIY FML

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 03:59 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my dad told me it would be fine to use the mounting tape he'd bought to place paintings up in my newly painted room. I did, but after deciding I wanted to move a painting and pulling it off the wall, the wall came with it. Back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 851

You deserved it 5 764

By Username - 25/01/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 145

You deserved it 34 938

By dinosaurman - 07/10/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192 068

You deserved it 9 962

By scared4myhair - 12/04/2015 01:53 - United States - Flint

Today, I was asked to prom by the same guy who "accidentally" cut off a chunk of my hair in class and with whom I haven't had a conversation in my life. When I politely declined he said, "You'll regret this". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 546

You deserved it 2 759

By Anonymous - 13/12/2015 12:45

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 435

You deserved it 1 557

By drunkfacebookuser - 23/10/2010 13:15 - Australia

Today, I got very drunk after being fired from my job. In my depressed, intoxicated state, I posted my facebook status as 'Goodbye world'. The only response was from my dad saying 'cya'. His comment got 29 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 634

You deserved it 13 865

Geography

By Anonymous - 14/07/2012 22:47 - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my boss that in some parts of the world, it's currently winter, due to the different hemispheres. He scoffed, accused me of "making shit up," and said that if I took him for a fool again, I'd be looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 464

You deserved it 2 347

Send nudes

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 17:01 - Panama - Cuba

Today, my boyfriend said he regrets loving or even meeting me because of the distance between us, and because I won't send nudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 259

By Seule - 29/06/2016 04:07 - Switzerland - Pully

Today, on a movie date with my boyfriend, it took me a while to understand why he was leaning on his elbow during the entire thing. He had an earpiece cupped in his hand and was listening to a soccer match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 156

You deserved it 1 687

Useless tools

By IronMonkey - 09/06/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I work for a company that sells a leading brand of condoms. They give away free condoms to employees at the office. I haven't gotten laid since I began working here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 649

You deserved it 7 013

By snow - 17/11/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up with a massive hangover after passing out at a wild party the night before. Apparently my friends couldn't find a marker, because I woke up with dozens of dicks drawn on my body and face in henna. I have a job interview today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 787

You deserved it 3 892

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 113

You deserved it 10 978

By badcomparison - 18/12/2016 07:02 - United States - Warrensburg

Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 489

You deserved it 808

Come back

By Anonymous - 01/11/2021 01:59

Today after I got into an argument with mom's boyfriend, telling him to piss off because no one wanted him, and he did so, saying he was done putting in wasted effort, now he's gone I realise how much he did for us, or that his share of the bills paid the rent. We may lose our house because of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 2 455

By dasbooot - 30/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 632

You deserved it 4 564

By Uneducated - 26/01/2019 20:00

Today, my dad informed me that I’d not be progressing into next year’s class because it’s a waste of money. But it’s fine because my twin will be learning for the both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 153

On deaf ears

By Anonymous - 18/05/2021 02:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had breakfast with my roommate and he was so loud, my ears felt ready to burst. If I even suggest he needs his hearing checked, he erupts like Mt. Vesuvius. Everyone agrees, he has no "inside voice" and they don't know how to handle his near-shouting to your face either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 63

By thanks sis - 22/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Reading

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 683

You deserved it 3 945

By Kole - 13/01/2017 20:00

Today, I got the most painful neck cramp of my life after whipping my head back in laughter at something that wasn't even funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 518

You deserved it 1 877

You've got some explaining to do

By Anonymous - 19/11/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend accidentally synced his contacts to my phone. I'm not sure who I want to message first, "Amber (Big Ass)", "Kayla (Baby Girl)", or one of the other 64 with similar descriptions in parentheses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 96

By Matt - 28/04/2012 18:28 - United Kingdom - London

Today, the novelty of shaving a heart into my pubic hair for my wife vanished, when I woke up to find a collection of scabs around my pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 286

You deserved it 15 673

By Lissa - 14/09/2016 00:00 - United States - Baldwin

Today, my stupid coworker informed the managers that there were no more kids' menus downstairs. Trusting her word, they ordered 3 full boxes. She then asked me where we kept them. We now have 12,000 kids menus to fold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 683

You deserved it 945

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 388

You deserved it 581

No thanks, Karen

By artdegreemyass - 21/07/2012 21:14 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I was cashiering at Walmart, when a customer picked open a cold-sore on her lip before trying to give me her money with the same hand. When I freaked out and refused to take her money, she started screaming and threatening to sue me for "violating the First Amendment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 643

You deserved it 3 107

By kykynevs - 23/08/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 118

You deserved it 2 848

By Sunny - 18/09/2013 22:59 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, every time I write the word "analyst," I can't help but giggle because it begins with "anal." I'm 24, and studying to be a conflict analyst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 487

You deserved it 34 051

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Doortje 29

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 8:48

Ooh, pogo sticks! Definitely worth it. But YDI for eating that much. Try to control yourself next time.

Jimboom 11

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 10:33

Yes I see. Another victim of Pogo dieting. Less dangerous than Yo-yo dieting but more messy.

kenshinjapan 2

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 8:47

idiot.

Civilianswilldie 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 4:54

I'm sorry OP but my sympathy meter seems to be on E.

jeffav51 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:03

totally dude.

primadonna9396 16

Send a private message

Friday 18 March 2011 18:24

Agreed. Who the fuck goes to Olive Garden under the age of 70?

Brennanrulez 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 March 2011 13:28

who the hell gets sick from a pogo stick?

moonbootz 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 20 August 2014 22:45

hahahahaha

Doortje 29

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 8:48

Ooh, pogo sticks! Definitely worth it. But YDI for eating that much. Try to control yourself next time.

MissBunny25 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 15:01

pogo sticks are awesome :D

vegan_muffin 4

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 19:19

not as awesome as DISCO sticks.

SwaggerMelon 6

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 22:30

58 Win ^

ofernando84 4

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 23:29

How can u not over eat at Olive Garden? Breadsticks are free goddammit!

510beauty 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 8:54

YDI

kingtz 6

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 8:55

Yeah, ydi for pigging out.

JacindasaurXD 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 9:08

I've never road a pogo stick:( consider yourself lucky hehe

kingtz 6

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 9:11

Road?

LuxAeterna_fml 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 10:39

Tree?

lukethe 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 14:01

Not only did you spell 'rode' wrong, you were saying it in the wrong tense... "I've never RIDDEN..." Jeeeeez!

cptmorgan15 2

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 15:32

I don't know about you people, but i don't ride pogo sticks either. I have used one though.

theian01 3

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 17:49

You can ride MY pogo stuck ;-D *gets shot*

theian01 3

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 17:50

Umm. stick. stupid phone.

QueenOfBoredom 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 17:53

i snickered at this ^_^

Epic_Phale615 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 20:24

I love snickers!

kris12k4 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 4:46

epic fail, yeah that happens alot

oooKiLLaHooo 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:20

I love this comment..it's soo dumb..33 is right unless #5 is dead..

oooKiLLaHooo 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:22

then it's still wrong..lol..whoops..

j300zx 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 9:11

Awesome combination.

clashatdemonhead 3

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 9:19

wow you're stupid. hopefully you never get pregnant, a repeat of this and you'd give yourself an abortion

Celesta 11

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 15:04

Why would you assume she'd use a pogo stick while pregnant?

MoreLemonPledge 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 3:22

you look like a girl I knew named mardy or marty or something

clashatdemonhead 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 9:02

just a guess haha

afdude87 6

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 9:20

odd combination

givants 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 9:36

I case you don't get it, she/he threw up

Doortje 29

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 9:41

THAT'S why her shoes are two different colours?! Oooh, I totally get it now, thank you so much!

john7h567hgrd 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 9:45

Ooooh!! I didn't understand this AT ALL...

ImRickJamesBish 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 13:42

#10 thank you because I certainly did not get it!

cptmorgan15 2

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 15:34

Haha PHEW! Thank god there's someone smart enough to figure this out for us.

jbsington 8

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 15:48

lol, sarcasm, sarcasm...

Exhausti 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 19:34

#48 Seriously?! :O

free2speak 14

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 19:51

ohh! I thought she pooped her pants! oops on my part!

gtkt3 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2011 6:07

number thirteen is a faggot

NeverLetGo13 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 9:49

I modded this and btw op your a fool

j300zx 0

Send a private message

Monday 14 March 2011 12:13

That's what she said^^^ Ha!

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 3

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 190

You deserved it 519

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 735

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments