Miscellaneous: Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

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8562

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Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Decisions, decisions

Inspirational tale

By Salliemae - United States - Manchester

Today, my boyfriend took my car on a 3-day vacation, stranding me in our extremely rural town. I have a box of ziti, a jar of expired pickles, no cable or Netflix, and no water since the well ran dry. Why am I here? "Someone needs to stay with the dog and feed the cows." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2833

You deserved it

370

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By kp - United States

Today, my mom called me a druggie after she found out I smoked weed once. She's now threatening to sell my car, tell my boss, and ban me from seeing my fiancée. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27164

You deserved it

3899

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By Rin - United States

Today, I found some pictures of the boy I have a crush on online. Not only is he a crossdresser, but he's also a better looking woman than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31435

You deserved it

6154

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By Anonymous - Canada - Grand Bay

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1138

You deserved it

4498

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32483

You deserved it

8744

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By GlennGuagmire - Saudi Arabia - Ras Tanura

Today, my wife and I were born on the same day, married on our birthday date. Today is our birthday and anniversary, and today we are getting divorced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12915

You deserved it

1602

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By doneanddone - United States

Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43680

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Spay and neuter, people!

Today, I took in an old friend’s fat cat for a month until she finds a place to live. Turns out the cat isn’t fat, just pregnant. I found out when I found two of her dead kittens in my living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1743

You deserved it

170

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, my little girl spoke her first word. It was ''Daddy''. Daddy left before she was born and she has never met him before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48918

You deserved it

4937

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By The Towel Molester - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28327

You deserved it

3260

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

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42727

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By sad - United States

Today, after the firetruck and EMS came to my house for an emergency, I realized that not all firefighters looked like the ones in my calendar. This depressed me more than the emergency. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7851

You deserved it

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By Random737193 - United States - Haddonfield

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32065

You deserved it

2990

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By ginya - United States - Bedford

Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12393

You deserved it

1065

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By carsuck - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29285

You deserved it

4138

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By rimenrezon - United States - Tampa

Today, someone tried to break into my dorm room while I was in class. Ramming the metal door with their shoulder just dented it, so they pissed on my welcome mat and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33845

You deserved it

2465

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By Mary - France

Today, after a year together, my boyfriend admitted to me that in bed I had as much an effect on him as a crossword puzzle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31167

You deserved it

4328

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By Peaches - United States - Tucker

Today, I was informed that I was let go from my job for not showing up for a week. A week I'd scheduled off, that management had approved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8449

You deserved it

393

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10685

You deserved it

44378

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2021 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

I was bored before I even began

Today, my ex started our conversation with, "How are you?" I asked whether this was just a way of greeting me, or if he genuinely wanted to know. He affirmed that he really wanted to know, then proceeded to talk about his work for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

713

You deserved it

175

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By loveless - United States

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

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15109

You deserved it

33318

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By slitherasssnape - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, in science class, I was bored and playing with a paper towel, dipping it into a container of water. When my teacher caught me and asked what I was doing, I panicked and said I was 'drying the water'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10785

You deserved it

3280

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The vigil

Today, my boyfriend came to visit from another state. My mom didn't want me to go to his hotel and I did. When she asked about it, I lied to her and said I didn't go, and she showed me a Pic of my car outside his hotel... FML

I agree, your life sucks

908

You deserved it

2445

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By piliseep

Today, I had to sit outside with nothing but a large bottle of wine to keep me company and no way to block out the sounds of my cousins loudly having sex with my two roommates upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4002

You deserved it

357

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By Xandar

Today, I was told by my wife that we were going to be parents. We are both females. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3335

You deserved it

495

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By :$ - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9961

You deserved it

35021

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52892

You deserved it

4396

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By sicky - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22299

You deserved it

1407

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39906

You deserved it

3759

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By Madeline Lee - France - Pessac

Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32512

You deserved it

2990

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By Anonymous - United States - Woburn

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46909

You deserved it

5169

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By The Sbeak - United States

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

555177

You deserved it

45260

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By homeless - United States

Today, I got home from work to find an eviction notice taped to my door, stating that I was a nuisance and had 30 days to vacate the property. I live at home with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30309

You deserved it

8840

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By so embarrassed - United States - South Salem

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27972

You deserved it

4291

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By jswag2004 - United States - Elgin

Today, I finally got the guts to ask out my crush. She said yes and I was really happy. Then I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1815

You deserved it

334

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35393

You deserved it

15418

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By Anonymous - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42123

You deserved it

9492

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By caterinette - Portugal

Today, it was my turn to open the bar I work at. As I walked into our terrace, I found our insane upstairs neighbour leaving the scene without a word. This was right before I spotted the steaming pile of dung she'd left behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30079

You deserved it

2233

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By KalaKa - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31870

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Protip

Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML

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31849

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Top comments

By Doortje | 29

#2179258 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:48

Ooh, pogo sticks!
Definitely worth it.
But YDI for eating that much. Try to control yourself next time.

By Jimboom | 11

#2179784 - Monday 14 March 2011 10:33

Yes I see. Another victim of Pogo dieting. Less dangerous than Yo-yo dieting but more messy.

COMMENTS

By kenshinjapan | 2

#2179252 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:47

idiot.

Civilianswilldie | 0

#2183224 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 4:54

I'm sorry OP but my sympathy meter seems to be on E.

jeffav51 | 0

#2183699 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:03

totally dude.

primadonna9396 | 16

#2200208 - Friday 18 March 2011 18:24

Agreed. Who the fuck goes to Olive Garden under the age of 70?

Brennanrulez | 0

#2222728 - Tuesday 22 March 2011 13:28

who the hell gets sick from a pogo stick?

moonbootz | 7

#6043372 - Wednesday 20 August 2014 22:45

hahahahaha

By Doortje | 29

#2179258 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:48

Ooh, pogo sticks!
Definitely worth it.
But YDI for eating that much. Try to control yourself next time.

MissBunny25 | 0

#2180390 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:01

pogo sticks are awesome :D

vegan_muffin | 4

#2181231 - Monday 14 March 2011 19:19

not as awesome as DISCO sticks.

SwaggerMelon | 6

#2181696 - Monday 14 March 2011 22:30

58 Win ^

ofernando84 | 4

#2181846 - Monday 14 March 2011 23:29

How can u not over eat at Olive Garden? Breadsticks are free goddammit!

By 510beauty | 0

#2179275 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:54

YDI

By kingtz | 6

#2179279 - Monday 14 March 2011 8:55

Yeah, ydi for pigging out.

By JacindasaurXD | 0

#2179317 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:08

I've never road a pogo stick:(
consider yourself lucky hehe

kingtz | 6

#2179327 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:11

Road?

LuxAeterna_fml | 0

#2179797 - Monday 14 March 2011 10:39

Tree?

lukethe | 0

#2180238 - Monday 14 March 2011 14:01

Not only did you spell 'rode' wrong, you were saying it in the wrong tense... "I've never RIDDEN..."

Jeeeeez!

cptmorgan15 | 2

#2180496 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:32

I don't know about you people, but i don't ride pogo sticks either. I have used one though.

theian01 | 3

#2181009 - Monday 14 March 2011 17:49

You can ride MY pogo stuck ;-D

*gets shot*

theian01 | 3

#2181017 - Monday 14 March 2011 17:50

Umm. stick. stupid phone.

QueenOfBoredom | 0

#2181028 - Monday 14 March 2011 17:53

i snickered at this ^_^

Epic_Phale615 | 0

#2181376 - Monday 14 March 2011 20:24

I love snickers!

kris12k4 | 4

#2183201 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 4:46

epic fail, yeah that happens alot

oooKiLLaHooo | 0

#2183757 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:20

I love this comment..it's soo dumb..33 is right unless #5 is dead..

oooKiLLaHooo | 0

#2183770 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 7:22

then it's still wrong..lol..whoops..

By j300zx | 0

#2179325 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:11

Awesome combination.

By clashatdemonhead | 3

#2179335 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:19

wow you're stupid. hopefully you never get pregnant, a repeat of this and you'd give yourself an abortion

Celesta | 11

#2180405 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:04

Why would you assume she'd use a pogo stick while pregnant?

MoreLemonPledge | 0

#2183048 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 3:22

you look like a girl I knew named mardy or marty or something

clashatdemonhead | 3

#2184123 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 9:02

just a guess haha

By afdude87 | 6

#2179338 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:20

odd combination

By givants | 0

#2179364 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:36

I case you don't get it, she/he threw up

Doortje | 29

#2179369 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:41

THAT'S why her shoes are two different colours?! Oooh, I totally get it now, thank you so much!

john7h567hgrd | 0

#2179376 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:45

Ooooh!! I didn't understand this AT ALL...

ImRickJamesBish | 0

#2180197 - Monday 14 March 2011 13:42

#10 thank you because I certainly did not get it!

cptmorgan15 | 2

#2180499 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:34

Haha PHEW! Thank god there's someone smart enough to figure this out for us.

jbsington | 8

#2180540 - Monday 14 March 2011 15:48

lol, sarcasm, sarcasm...

Exhausti | 0

#2181258 - Monday 14 March 2011 19:34

#48

Seriously?! :O

free2speak | 14

#2181306 - Monday 14 March 2011 19:51

ohh! I thought she pooped her pants! oops on my part!

gtkt3 | 0

#2183455 - Tuesday 15 March 2011 6:07

number thirteen is a faggot

By NeverLetGo13 | 0

#2179383 - Monday 14 March 2011 9:49

I modded this and btw op your a fool

j300zx | 0

#2179953 - Monday 14 March 2011 12:13

That's what she said^^^
Ha!