Today, as I walked out of a club, I slipped in my new shoes and...

By - Australia

Today, as I walked out of a club, I slipped in my new shoes and spilled my chicken, chips and gravy on my brand new white dress. Not only did people see me do this, but my dress is ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1914

You deserved it

713

Favorite

Serious times

Toxic parents

Do as I say, not as I do

By Sarah - United States

Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39149

You deserved it

2457

Favorite

By Lika1712 - India - Mumbai

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37835

You deserved it

4622

Favorite

By Peter C. - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33150

You deserved it

10380

Favorite

By anonamous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife gave me head lice on purpose so I would have to cut off the ponytail that I've been growing since '99. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32124

You deserved it

96608

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/5/2020 20:00

Denial

Today, I got told repeatedly to "stay in my lane" by a woman in her 40s. Why? Because I politely asked her if she had a mask when she entered the retail store I work in. Our policy is that everyone must wear a face mask in the store at all times. One hour down, 8 more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1639

You deserved it

288

Favorite

By Cat vs. Dog - United States - Laramie

Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40090

You deserved it

5022

Favorite

By peteswentzbass - Netherlands - Nuenen

Today, my roommate and I noticed a foul smell in our apartment. After looking around for a little while, I found that her cat had pooped on a pair of my jeans, and apparently tried to cover it up by dragging a shirt over the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28912

You deserved it

3392

Favorite

By mortifying - United Kingdom - Harlow

Skinny girl

Today, I started playing footsie with the girl I like next to me in Biology. Turns out it was the table leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

559

You deserved it

1805

Favorite

By Jerry - 4/1/2021 10:58

Best thing to do

Today, I walked in on my wife and my buddy from work. They didn’t even stop. I just went to a motel to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1249

You deserved it

Favorite

By Lexxxiii - 22/12/2020 23:02

Eyebleach

Today, while delivering an Amazon package, I arrived to this one house where the man was outside, so I just handed it to him. As he was reaching for it, his robe popped open. Twice. He was wearing nothing but the robe, and he was your typical fat, hairy, 40-year-old man. My poor eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

871

You deserved it

122

Favorite

By ifeeldirty - United States

Parental advice

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37927

You deserved it

8826

Favorite

By drew - United States

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend changing. She responded by screaming, throwing herself on the ground to avoid me seeing her, and crawling into the bathroom. We've been living together for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38519

You deserved it

5289

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Long Beach

Let's say, hypothetically…

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40697

You deserved it

3838

Favorite

By InconsiderateMuch - Canada - High River

Today, my boyfriend bought another expensive bong to go with the one he bought last month, along with his new phone, airsoft gun, and various other things he's blown our money on this year. He's bought nothing to prepare for our son, though, who's due next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51167

You deserved it

27391

Favorite

By beer guy

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34931

You deserved it

2474

Favorite

By JunkDex - Australia - Merrylands

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25460

You deserved it

1678

Favorite

By rawr

Today, at work, I spent half an hour trying to convince an elderly customer that no, I wasn't a messenger sent by the devil to take her soul to hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38272

You deserved it

3566

Favorite

By wife - United States - Oceanside

Today, my husband again lost his keys. It's a daily struggle to find them. This time they were in an ice cube, literally. He said he must have accidentally put them in there when making ice. He's going to be the father of my future children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37251

You deserved it

8659

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/5/2020 23:00

Too much of a good thing

Today, my girlfriend complained that our quickies shouldn’t take 45 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

689

You deserved it

1450

Favorite

By shit_fer_luck - United States - West Lafayette

Today, someone backed straight into my car as I was hunting for a parking spot. I just got my car back from the body shop after a hit-and-run. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33535

You deserved it

2522

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Blue Earth

Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48313

You deserved it

9032

Favorite

By Jukka

Today, I watched Free Willy with my daughter. Later on she decided to free her 6 pet mice into the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32682

You deserved it

8424

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned how my cat's flea medicine works. Instead of killing the fleas, it just makes the fleas move off of the animal. The good news is my cat no longer has fleas. The bad news is, the fleas moved into my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44243

You deserved it

4490

Favorite

By mylifesuckssss - United States

Today, I received a 7 page text message during school from my mom yelling at me because I ate her cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31857

You deserved it

5909

Favorite

By sickpuppy

Geometry

Today, I learned the hard way that when sick, throw up, then have diarrhea. Not the other way round. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1325

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time in a week, a customer entered my store. He needed to use the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27393

You deserved it

2363

Favorite

By Stephanie - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the park for some planking. Trying to find a daring spot, I climbed a tree and laid down on a branch. While I was waiting for my friends to take a picture, the branch gave out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10516

You deserved it

60056

Favorite

By cmolloy - Ireland

Today, I texted a friend offering my condolences over the death of his grandfather. He hadn't been told his grandfather had died yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35242

You deserved it

4457

Favorite

By Weldingtags - United States

Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28002

You deserved it

2934

Favorite

By Jolabanane - France

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29138

You deserved it

2076

Favorite

By Nofoodcoloringisnotasubstituteforfood - United States - West Bend

Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51646

You deserved it

7875

Favorite

By comfylap - United States

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38738

You deserved it

6415

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12091

You deserved it

58137

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - West Chester

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22979

You deserved it

2342

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my family was watching a football game and kept mentioning their team's quarterback's name and, as I'm not a football fan by any means, asked them who this was. My grandma then turned to me and said, "This is why you don't have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9297

You deserved it

1274

Favorite

By wormsick - United States

Today, I found out my diet and exercise plan wasn't nearly as effective when it comes to weight loss as I had originally thought. It turns out what really accounts for all the weight I've been losing is tape worms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36892

You deserved it

3134

Favorite

By DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE - United States - Schertz

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27674

You deserved it

1946

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43011

You deserved it

7522

Favorite

By screaming monkey - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34193

You deserved it

2092

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34830

You deserved it

9914

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By anayanci1 | 6

#7743289 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 12:45

Boo hoo

By kren31 | 12

#7743486 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 21:50

I love that you left out the reason why you slipped was because you were drunk. There’s no shame #straya

COMMENTS

By anayanci1 | 6

#7743289 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 12:45

Boo hoo

By a1f0sff | 25

#7743314 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 14:06

Your life doesn't suck that much unless this was your wedding dress.

By Devyani Sharma | 14

#7743373 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 17:24

Umm who takes a gravy meal from a club? Such a made up story

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7743426 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 20:13

Gosh! That’s a crime.

I mean wasting good chicken, AND gravy??

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7743436 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 20:32

Rule of thumb: Don't eat food that can leave stains while wearing white clothing.
Rule of the other thumb: Watch where you're walking, or, if you were wearing heels, don't wear heels.

By chyiochan | 31

#7743444 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 20:44

This is some Trailer Park Boys shit right here.

By kren31 | 12

#7743486 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 21:50

I love that you left out the reason why you slipped was because you were drunk. There’s no shame #straya

Amanda Jaworski | 23

#7743810 - Thursday 27 December 2018 13:15

Not necessarily, I personally go to clubs to surround myself with white noise, so I can peacefully finish reading my novels.

By 404wan | 19

#7743554 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 23:49

you went to the club, got drunk, ordered fries and drunkenly spilled them on yourself. if this is an fml for you you must have one beauty of a life. other people would just call this "going out"

By Suzi_d16 | 26

#7743613 - Thursday 27 December 2018 2:45

Use vanish. Makes stains “vanish”. (I got rid of a full pint of Guinness stain from a white dress with it).

By fde2blknimout | 18

#7743680 - Thursday 27 December 2018 8:41

Thats a crappy clubs