Today, As I walked out of the clubs, I slipped in my new shoes...

By - 26/12/2018 06:00 - Australia

Today, As I walked out of the clubs, I slipped in my new shoes and spilt my chicken chips and gravy on my brand new white dress. Not only did people witness this, but my dress is ruined.. FML

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Season finale

That'll be Kevin in accounting

Lockdown is driving us down

By PineapplePizza - 15/8/2016 07:41 - United States - Irwin

Today, I should be starting my last year of college next week. But no. My old advisor messed up my schedule so badly that there's no way I'll graduate for another year. So I'll be in school five years for a four year program because as a freshman I thought my advisor was helping me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 00:49 - United States - Adrian

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

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By mikki_arlert - 8/10/2016 05:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML

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By lissysue1 - 12/7/2012 19:23 - United States - Green Bay

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I realized he was opening his mouth wide a lot. At first, I thought he was trying to French-kiss me. He was actually yawning through the whole thing. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2019 06:00

Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML

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By hlev24 - 3/3/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when a homeless man asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any. I then tripped. Not only spilling the soda I was drinking all over myself, but also spilling the spare change I had from buying it. FML

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By porkeater - 16/7/2009 15:02 - United States

Today, we went up for visitor's day for my son's Jewish summer camp. We don't keep kosher, but most of his fellow campers do. When we went around in the circle saying our favorite foods, he said, "my mom makes the best pork chops." We got dirty looks for the rest of the day. FML

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By ShylaMarie - 14/2/2012 22:29 - Canada

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2012 10:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

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By nukebroadcast - 16/12/2010 06:32 - United States

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML

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By Maestro - 1/12/2008 06:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

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By irulan - 14/1/2020 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Single shot

Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/6/2020 05:00

Extreme drying

Today, I was drying my duvet and pillows in the dryer. Apparently, one of the pillows was memory foam, which I was not aware of. It caught on fire due to the heat and nearly burned down my laundry room. FML

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By Idk - 12/12/2018 08:00 - United States - Wilton

Today at work I had recieved a lot of phone calls. I thought maybe it was a scammer line because I never recieve calls. Turns out my phone number was a character's same number in a TV Show. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I had a playing test in orchestra, which I've pracriced over 30 hours for. After I played my part, which I thought I did very well, my teacher asked how much I had practice. Trying to show off, I said "Oh, just 30 minutes." My teacher said "It shows, that was terrible." She was serious. FML

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By poopcoloredeyes - 31/10/2011 20:06 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2016 14:47

Today, I had a 10-hour shift that started at 5 a.m. We can't leave until relief comes and we don't get paid for overtime if our relief is late. The good news is my relief came early. The bad news is he went on a smoke break and never came back. They want me to stay until we close and I'm the only cashier. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

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By MissQ - 20/6/2020 17:01

That's a great look!

Today, I was trying to learn how to whistle. On the elevator ride up to my room, I was experimenting with tongue placement and mouth position. At the height of my facial contortions and probable spitting, the elevator doors opened to reveal the guy I've been crushing. FML

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By catastrophy - 19/11/2016 09:20

Today, a guy I've been seeing called me really drunk again to talk about his and his cat's angst. He put me on speaker so I could have a meowing-conversation with his cat to soothe her. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 18:00

Trumped

Today, I decided to get a spray tan. I'm now more orange than the current president of the United States. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2015 19:39 - United Kingdom

Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML

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By YouAREthefather - 18/3/2010 16:48 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2009 04:48 - Canada

Today, I bought body chocolate to use in bed with my boyfriend in the hopes of spicing things up. Everything was going great, until I tasted it. It was disgusting and actually made me gag a little. Later, my boyfriend checked the label and started laughing. It had expired 3 years ago. FML

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By HereWeGoAgain - 22/9/2017 13:00

Romance in Appalachia

Today, my mother beamingly asked for my opinion on her wedding dress. She is engaged to her cousin. Conveniently, they already have the same last name. FML

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By HM - 6/4/2011 17:28 - Germany

Today, I found out that my entire class, me included, has to rewrite the painfully difficult midterm we wrote last week. All this because the Professor left the exams strewn across her desk. The cleaners thought it was trash and disposed of them. FML

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By nokitchenforme - 3/12/2010 05:18 - Canada

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

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By Hahamaster333 - 28/3/2013 01:02

Today, I was at the pool when I saw a man eating the food I had ordered near my seat. I immediately ran up to him and asked him to stop stealing my food. I took the food away and threw it in the trash. Seconds later the attendant came out with my actual food. FML

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By katwingz - 19/2/2013 22:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, after being together for only 2 weeks, my boyfriend got me a year's gym membership for my birthday in a card that said, "So u can b hott! Luv u!" FML

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By suzanneallen - 11/9/2009 04:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were fooling around in his car when things got hot and heavy and we decided to climb in the back. After we finished we started to put our clothes back just as a someone's brights flooded into the car. It was a cop, and he had been there the entire time. FML

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By ahh - 28/12/2010 21:37 - United Kingdom

Today, the last person I invited to my birthday party called and said they couldn't come because another party "came up" and they "hope I understand". It's on December 31st. This happens every year without fail. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/8/2020 05:02

Getting no pussy love

Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML

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By weirdlove - 23/1/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/5/2015 05:58 - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

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By greeenbean - 2/10/2009 10:41 - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2019 20:00

Today, I had to go pick up my mother at 3 in the morning. She had been out drinking and couldn't drive. She parties more than I do. FML

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By anonymous - 1/2/2016 06:07 - Canada

Today, I saw an elderly woman struggling to reach the top shelf in my local grocery store, so I went over and asked if she needed help. She then accused me of flirting with her and had me escorted from the property. FML

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By Ketchup - 22/6/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, my brother and I found a little bird that couldn't fly. While trying to convince my mom that it couldn't fly so we could keep it, I lightly tossed it in the air and it landed a few feet in front of me. Then my cat grabbed it and ate it. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

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Top comments

By anayanci1 | 6

#7743289 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 12:45

Boo hoo

By kren31 | 12

#7743486 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 21:50

I love that you left out the reason why you slipped was because you were drunk. There’s no shame #straya

COMMENTS

By anayanci1 | 6

#7743289 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 12:45

Boo hoo

By a1f0sff | 25

#7743314 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 14:06

Your life doesn't suck that much unless this was your wedding dress.

By Devyani Sharma | 14

#7743373 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 17:24

Umm who takes a gravy meal from a club? Such a made up story

By wanted_2_want | 40

#7743426 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 20:13

Gosh! That’s a crime.

I mean wasting good chicken, AND gravy??

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7743436 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 20:32

Rule of thumb: Don't eat food that can leave stains while wearing white clothing.
Rule of the other thumb: Watch where you're walking, or, if you were wearing heels, don't wear heels.

By chyiochan | 30

#7743444 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 20:44

This is some Trailer Park Boys shit right here.

By kren31 | 12

#7743486 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 21:50

I love that you left out the reason why you slipped was because you were drunk. There’s no shame #straya

Amanda Jaworski | 23

#7743810 - Thursday 27 December 2018 13:15

Not necessarily, I personally go to clubs to surround myself with white noise, so I can peacefully finish reading my novels.

By 404wan | 19

#7743554 - Wednesday 26 December 2018 23:49

you went to the club, got drunk, ordered fries and drunkenly spilled them on yourself. if this is an fml for you you must have one beauty of a life. other people would just call this "going out"

By Suzi_d16 | 26

#7743613 - Thursday 27 December 2018 2:45

Use vanish. Makes stains “vanish”. (I got rid of a full pint of Guinness stain from a white dress with it).

By fde2blknimout | 18

#7743680 - Thursday 27 December 2018 8:41

Thats a crappy clubs