Work: Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to...

By Anonymous - 07/02/2015 09:09 - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 253

You deserved it 11 876

Work

This Charming Man

Age difference

8 out of 10 dentists

By skinny dipper - 21/10/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I was caught skinny dipping by the police. With the arresting officer's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 911

You deserved it 12 680

By Anonymous - 10/05/2012 20:33 - United States - Walpole

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 146

You deserved it 8 749

By ratqueen - 25/11/2014 15:28 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I discovered that catching fewer mice in the traps I'd put out doesn't mean my pest problem is getting resolved. It means that rats have moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 676

You deserved it 2 770

By kingpin7 - 30/03/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with her legs, performing a submission most UFC fighters could be proud of, and she held on for so long that I was suffocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 256

You deserved it 10 199

By BrokeInLove - 30/06/2009 19:55 - France

Today, I was shopping for rings with my fiancée. We spent over 2 hours selecting the perfect ring and diamond to match. When filling out the paperwork I discovered I left my wallet at home. She had to pay the 20% down payment for the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 186

You deserved it 51 940

By Anonymous - 25/03/2013 21:53 - Netherlands - Drachten

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 678

You deserved it 2 679

By Anonymous - 17/08/2011 13:00 - United States

Today, my boss stopped mid-walk during a conversation about the humidity in our office, after I told him I didn't like the air conditioner on, because I'd rather not be cold and wet, and that I liked it warm and sticky. I knew then he was no longer thinking about the AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 409

You deserved it 37 084

By Aether - 03/05/2009 21:17 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 136 726

You deserved it 7 576

By terdberglerforlyfe - 07/12/2014 20:54 - Brazil - Mogi Das Cruzes

Today, my sister turned the volume on my phone way up and changed the ringtone to a woman's blood-curdling scream. I found this out when she called my phone at 2am as I slept next to it. I pissed my pants and fell out of bed screaming in terror. I'll never hear the end of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 743

You deserved it 4 366

By 5minsolder - 08/02/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 302

You deserved it 3 608

By hatetodisappoint - 21/10/2011 06:32 - United States

Today, I called my very overprotective father, and he took the time to tell me how proud he was of me for finally finding a good and respectable boyfriend. And that he was sorry he misjudged. I was calling for bail money to get my "good, respectable" boyfriend out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 278

You deserved it 40 015

Owl be there for you

By No2ndDate - 01/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, I went on a date to an owl sanctuary. Today is also the day I discovered my all-encompassing fear of owls, as I cried and pissed myself in front of my date and 15 other visitors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 904

You deserved it 1 529

"friend"

By BarCrush - 22/02/2018 19:00

Today, and for the past two months, I've been going to the bar with my friends quite regularly because I have a massive crush on the cute bartender. Being quite shy, I asked my friend if he could be my wingman so I could finally talk to her properly. He took her home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 654

You deserved it 916

By Anonymous - 05/09/2015 00:43 - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I arrived 10 minutes early to my orthodontist's office to get my braces off. It turns out my appointment was actually one hour earlier, and now the next available appointment is in four weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 543

You deserved it 8 159

Never enough

By Notgoodenough - 26/11/2021 22:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found out my ex-husband quit smoking and went back to school for his new girlfriend. I’d been behind his ass getting him to stop his bad habits for the entire year and a half of our marriage, and he didn’t wanna do it. Nice to know he wanted to be a better man… for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 331

By Anonymous - 12/04/2015 18:29 - United States - South Burlington

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 076

You deserved it 2 913

By Anonymous - 06/11/2014 12:15 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my eight-year-old microwaved our thermometer to see if the temperature would change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 663

You deserved it 4 223

By Anonymous - 11/09/2015 10:51 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, while blissfully unaware that it was the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I was making paper airplanes during my free period in school. Next thing I know, I was reported for, "making jokes about the 9/11 attacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 401

You deserved it 8 833

By Anonymous - 15/02/2011 14:31 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 822

You deserved it 7 431

By ihatekids - 20/04/2015 16:57 - United States - Billerica

Today, after a relaxing week away, my husband and I came home to discover our 17 year old son crashed one of our cars against the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 3 698

By anonymous - 15/07/2013 01:07 - United States - La Pine

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 789

You deserved it 5 133

By ssenmodnaR - 27/07/2016 16:30

Today, I learned that I'm in that special kind of relationship where my ex thinks we're still married, no matter how many times I tell him that we were divorced over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 999

You deserved it 1 116

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 15:51 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 885

You deserved it 7 624

By caaarl - 19/04/2012 19:46 - United Kingdom - Hemel Hempstead

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 948

You deserved it 6 516

By danmarino - 09/03/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, these kids in my math class told me to ask this girl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelled, "What's a clit?" Everyone looked at me. I'm a senior in high school, no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 693

You deserved it 83 593

By oww - 09/03/2010 11:14 - United States

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 217

You deserved it 38 188

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 00:01

Today, I learned there's no feeling quite as painful as being stuck on the toilet at 2 a.m. and hearing your dog sneak into your room and eat your dinner, all while being completely powerless to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 628

You deserved it 394

By notsolucky - 12/02/2011 15:01 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 11:11am. I was happy because I thought it was a sign that it was going to be a good day. I then realized that I was over an hour late for a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 918

You deserved it 31 226

By Don't text and work - 23/06/2009 05:04 - France

Today, at work I got told off by my manager for texting while working. Enraged by this, I trash talked her to the new girl at work. The new girl, a.k.a. my manager's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 137

You deserved it 68 728

By infected - 30/12/2010 21:37 - Denmark

Today, I had a snowball fight with a friend. In the midst of the game, I stole her hat and put it on my head, ignoring her pleas. Apparently, she was trying to say she had head lice. I can now verify that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 612

You deserved it 43 490

By Anonymous - 05/02/2013 06:40 - United States - Northbrook

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 076

You deserved it 39 539

By Anonymous - 30/03/2015 10:30 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 120

You deserved it 3 773

By Dezzmond68 - 15/09/2016 20:26 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 858

You deserved it 864

By szinna - 07/06/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 968

You deserved it 6 759

By paymeinhugs - 17/03/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean with my best friend and a giant wave came and knocked off the bottom of my bikini. My friend told me that she would go get another bottom so I could walk onto the very crowded beach. She left me for half an hour, laughing from the shore with her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 325

You deserved it 6 313

More faces than Khloé Kardashian

By Anonymous - 03/09/2020 02:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, my mom told me she'd scheduled me for a cleaning with my hometown dentist. When I reminded her that, according to my university's COVID guidelines, students shouldn't leave the county unless there's an emergency, she threw a hissy fit and told me I'm being "combative" and "looking for an excuse to fight." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 308

You deserved it 168

Sex ban

By Ash - 13/12/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 793

You deserved it 325

By Dope - 24/12/2008 11:23 - United States

Today, I tried to sell 2,000 options contracts, but I bought them instead, resulting in a big loss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 712

You deserved it 23 201

By kat - 28/11/2018 15:30

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of 2 and I needed food and some extra cash so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 069

You deserved it 672

Glassed

By Rick - 01/07/2011 08:31 - United States

Today, the driver's side window of my car was busted, and inside was a note that said, "Sorry, thought this was my car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 596

You deserved it 2 493

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kred 21

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:05

It's close to midnight, and something evils lurking in my pants....

LittleBells 17

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:09

That must be a thriller to your co-workers.

kred 21

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:05

It's close to midnight, and something evils lurking in my pants....

HyunnK 18

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Sunday 8 February 2015 1:30

Is it the Joker?

countryb_cth 38

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Friday 13 February 2015 9:37

Oh Oh I know this one its... its... uh.... uh..... Satan !! Jee I hope I'm write, I need an A on this to pass.

oathkeeper99 31

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:07

I wouldn't even be mad, that's hilarious!

FweakofCydonia 40

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Sunday 3 January 2016 2:33

To be fair, they probably liked his package more so than the dance move itself. Lol.

DolphinLaser23 24

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:08

Haha I feel bad for you but that is pretty funny.

LittleBells 17

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:09

That must be a thriller to your co-workers.

iLike2Teabag 27

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Sunday 8 February 2015 2:14

At least he didn't get caught on camera beating it.

sstahpp 33

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Monday 9 February 2015 2:28

Just BEAT IT!

Johnnycake23 42

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:10

Annie are you OK?

thespiantess 18

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Sunday 8 February 2015 11:27

Are you OK, Annie?

dpxantos 10

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:10

Could be worse, are they asking if you like little boys?

yomomonastick 9

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:11

tell them to "beat it"

chazzywazzy654 22

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:11

Not as bad as the picture of the drunk optom biting someone's bum at a work party. That's what's pinned up in the staff area where I work?

wvcheesehead 13

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Sunday 8 February 2015 1:41

Wtf is an optum?

WitEluded 13

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:12

I guess you know what your office Halloween costume will be this year...

AutisticAbyss 10

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Sunday 8 February 2015 0:14

Nothing wrong with that! Be proud of it!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 142

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 91

Owl be there for you

"friend"

Never enough

More faces than Khloé Kardashian

Sex ban

Glassed

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