Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to...

By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 09:09 - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28225

You deserved it

11834

Favorite

Work

Toxic parents

Incognito browsing

Not a cheating!

By littlebigbrother - 23/5/2012 06:13 - Japan

Today, we got a call that my brother stuck a rock up his nose and couldn't get it out. My mom had to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My brother is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27286

You deserved it

2122

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/10/2010 04:04 - United States

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59693

You deserved it

6149

Favorite

By thatCanadianGuy7 - 29/6/2009 19:55 - Canada

Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65799

You deserved it

5021

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/2/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24413

You deserved it

8637

Favorite

By EricCartman - 20/5/2009 03:31 - United States

Today, I was riding the bus home from school. I was sitting by myself, and my backpack was occupying the seat next to me. A hot girl boarded the bus, and was standing right where I was sitting. I placed my backpack on my lap, freeing up the seat. The girl stood the entire bus ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48487

You deserved it

6398

Favorite

By steph - 1/6/2009 04:50 - Canada

Today, I was in the park for a walk when a ball rolled to my feet. Figuring it belonged to the kids not far off, I wound back and kicked. The ball had actually been kicked by someone else for their dog to chase and I ended up punting it in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16267

You deserved it

38091

Favorite

By TearfulDaughter - 19/1/2011 17:45 - United States

Today, I planned on introducing my fiancé to my parents. After the introductions, and telling him how I hoped our relationship would have the same amount of love and commitment that has lasted my mother and father for 25 years, my parents awkwardly announced their imminent divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34847

You deserved it

3148

Favorite

By West of the day - 22/9/2020 05:01

Forever Alone

Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying 'subscribe to my Instagram for premium content.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

734

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 05:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54046

You deserved it

4850

Favorite

By Phoellie - 28/8/2009 11:43 - United Kingdom

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67803

You deserved it

5174

Favorite

By My eyes were on the prize - 12/3/2017 00:00

Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5012

You deserved it

1023

Favorite

By maxkeyftw - 17/10/2013 05:06 - United States - Clovis

Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity fixed for the first time. The dentist showed me the drill and other tools, and referred to them as things like "Mr. Bumpy Brush". I'm 15. She thought I was "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47523

You deserved it

4264

Favorite

By schooyou101 - 4/12/2012 00:53 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crazy psychopath of a neighbor sent me an email with the subject, "So, about your sex life." I've been sitting here for 20 minutes staring at it because I'm too scared to open it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38719

You deserved it

3922

Favorite

By internetloser - 16/8/2017 16:15 - United States - Kewaskum

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. How you may ask? He used the adult swim "we should see other people" commercial. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3470

You deserved it

271

Favorite

By IJustWantedCheez - 27/9/2016 17:37 - United States - San Antonio

Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10897

You deserved it

2949

Favorite

By Baskets-Tailleur - 7/7/2014 06:58 - France

Today, as I was putting on sports shoes to get to a job interview in a hurry, a man ran past me and grabbed my formal shoes while shouting, "Ninja!" Try explaining to the guy at the interview why I was wearing sneakers with a skirt suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48391

You deserved it

4866

Favorite

By criley - 24/6/2014 01:56 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, an attractive guy approached me and struck up a conversation. He was friendly and sweet, and gave me his number. As I walked away, my first thought was that someone had played a cruel joke on me. I've had such awful relationships that I can't recognize when someone is actually being sincere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49619

You deserved it

6498

Favorite

By mm - 12/11/2012 17:27 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31749

You deserved it

8923

Favorite

By hamboneghost - 24/2/2015 19:02 - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31194

You deserved it

8797

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2018 12:00

Today, I found out my son has been sneaking out of his room at night to see his girlfriend. He's a fully-grown 23-year-old man with a job and his own car. He doesn't need to sneak out. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3427

You deserved it

532

Favorite

By babylove - 11/4/2014 21:58 - South Africa

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53023

You deserved it

3337

Favorite

By IHateMyLife - 22/9/2012 06:59 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26725

You deserved it

2000

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/7/2020 20:00

Let me in!

Today, I was turned away from a private event by security for being a girl. My name is Max; the name on the guest list was Max, but the security meathead insisted Max can only be a man's name and threw me out of the building. I was the event's key lecturer, and without me the event was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2015

You deserved it

153

Favorite

By Anna - 6/7/2011 06:15 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend posted on my boyfriend's facebook wall. Apparently I give awful blowjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42996

You deserved it

11642

Favorite

By jeeperspeepers - 2/8/2009 22:03 - United States

Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17106

You deserved it

132572

Favorite

By catguy - 19/8/2009 09:08 - United States

Today, and for quite some time, my girlfriend has been telling me that she needs to go home each night to take care of her cat. Taking care of her cat is, it seems, an euphemism for having it off with her neighbor Tom since her cat died three months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48518

You deserved it

3777

Favorite

By blackcat37 - 28/9/2013 10:53 - United States - Independence

Today, at 6 in the morning, I sneezed so hard I fell off my bed. I guess I'm up for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41496

You deserved it

4889

Favorite

By Gen - 16/12/2008 07:05 - France

Today, I found the password to my boyfriend's MSN account. I was listed in the "booty call" category. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30678

You deserved it

7450

Favorite

By revalc - 16/8/2009 04:35 - Canada

Today, I'm having my housewarming party and had prepared food, drink and games for all the 19 confirmed guests on Facebook. I waited till 11 but nobody showed up. I checked Facebook again and realized I had accidentally put tomorrow as the party date. I have to work the whole day tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13550

You deserved it

51694

Favorite

By Whoopsie - 22/2/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27826

You deserved it

3338

Favorite

By Noname - 4/12/2008 04:39 - France

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33992

You deserved it

9147

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34615

You deserved it

5821

Favorite

By Username - 14/10/2010 19:02 - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24313

You deserved it

8371

Favorite

By erectioninfection - 1/5/2009 18:21 - United States

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

78655

You deserved it

26507

Favorite

By Jelly_Hell - 3/11/2016 20:24

Today, I almost got hit by a car because the kid in the back who was wearing headphones was paying more attention to the road than the driver. He only just stopped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9378

You deserved it

750

Favorite

By not what she said - 1/6/2020 20:00

Misheard

Today, I was on a Zoom call. My sister offered to go get lunch and I told her, "Don’t forget the baguettes." One overly sensitive coworker swears I used a derogatory slur that sounds the same. I didn’t. However, I’m still going to be investigated by my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1545

You deserved it

106

Favorite

By Lost - 15/9/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52422

You deserved it

2592

Favorite

By wahhh - 8/8/2011 11:07 - United Kingdom

Today, my neighbor from across the road phoned me at work telling me there was a fire engine outside my house and a lot of smoke. I drove home in a panic, smashing a rear light on a post and getting flashed by a speed camera. It wasn't my house. The firemen were putting out a bonfire next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28747

You deserved it

6578

Favorite

By AH - 7/9/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47778

You deserved it

4333

Favorite

By rotezora - 2/9/2012 12:44 - Switzerland - Basel

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31403

You deserved it

3578

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By kred | 21

#6195743 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:05

It's close to midnight, and something evils lurking in my pants....

By LittleBells | 17

#6195758 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:09

That must be a thriller to your co-workers.

COMMENTS

By kred | 21

#6195743 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:05

It's close to midnight, and something evils lurking in my pants....

HyunnK | 18

#6195859 - Sunday 8 February 2015 1:30

Is it the Joker?

countryb_cth | 38

#6201261 - Friday 13 February 2015 9:37

Oh Oh I know this one its... its... uh.... uh..... Satan !!
Jee I hope I'm write, I need an A on this to pass.

By oathkeeper99 | 31

#6195746 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:07

I wouldn't even be mad, that's hilarious!

FweakofCydonia | 40

#6500034 - Sunday 3 January 2016 2:33

To be fair, they probably liked his package more so than the dance move itself. Lol.

By DolphinLaser23 | 24

#6195752 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:08

Haha I feel bad for you but that is pretty funny.

By LittleBells | 17

#6195758 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:09

That must be a thriller to your co-workers.

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6195894 - Sunday 8 February 2015 2:14

At least he didn't get caught on camera beating it.

sstahpp | 33

#6196892 - Monday 9 February 2015 2:28

Just BEAT IT!

By Johnnycake23 | 42

#6195761 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:10

Annie are you OK?

thespiantess | 18

#6196255 - Sunday 8 February 2015 11:27

Are you OK, Annie?

By dpxantos | 10

#6195763 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:10

Could be worse, are they asking if you like little boys?

By yomomonastick | 9

#6195765 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:11

tell them to "beat it"

By chazzywazzy654 | 22

#6195766 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:11

Not as bad as the picture of the drunk optom biting someone's bum at a work party. That's what's pinned up in the staff area where I work?

wvcheesehead | 13

#6195872 - Sunday 8 February 2015 1:41

Wtf is an optum?

By WitEluded | 13

#6195767 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:12

I guess you know what your office Halloween costume will be this year...

By AutisticAbyss | 10

#6195771 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:14

Nothing wrong with that! Be proud of it!