Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to...

By Anonymous - 7/2/2015 09:09 - United States - Pueblo

Today, at work, a good song came on and I started dancing to it. I guess security thought my Michael Jackson crotch-grab was funny, because a printout of it is now pinned in our break room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28209

You deserved it

11821

Favorite

Work

Live dumping

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

You snooze, you lose

By TeamVomit - 27/8/2017 23:15

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to surprise him and caught him with another girl. As my boyfriend got up to explain himself, I, in a state of shock, violently threw up on him (and partially her). His mum had let me in the house. At least I know whose side she's on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5682

You deserved it

292

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/8/2015 05:15 - United States - Mineola

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22218

You deserved it

11445

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/8/2009 07:02 - United States

Today, I was working in the box office. A group came in for tickets but wanted to pay individually. One paid $40 for a $25 ticket. Laughing, I reached for the calculator while saying, "I went to public school, so I can't do math." They didn't laugh. They were all teachers in public schools. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16986

You deserved it

55025

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/2/2016 10:17 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I was at the gym. I'm 360 lbs and have finally decided it's time to change that. Some girl and her two bitch friends thought it'd be fun to follow me and belittle me at everything I did. When I mentioned it to the staff, they said that they were just "encouraging" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33962

You deserved it

2250

Favorite

By MrsFart - 18/8/2018 01:30

RIP

Today, I thought I was all alone in the class, so I lifted up my leg and ripped a huge fart. One of my students was still in there. He told everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2523

You deserved it

1673

Favorite

By anonymous - 25/7/2013 01:31 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was going so slow in traffic that my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47156

You deserved it

8101

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/12/2014 03:14 - United States - Anchorage

Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2 minutes into it, he called me by the other woman's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54180

You deserved it

12277

Favorite

By Imdead - 14/9/2018 22:00

Today, we're taking the plane home from Dublin after a school trip that I only barely got onto after troubles with my passport. Luckily for me, a kind person has decided to save me from the passport this evening - together with the rest of my wallet. I'm stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2532

You deserved it

200

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/12/2012 18:55 - United Kingdom - Southwold

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31245

You deserved it

2507

Favorite

By AtLeastWeCan'tHaveKids - 2/10/2017 23:45

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years and I received our results from a DNA test. We're both very interested in history and ancestry, and wanted to see where in the world we both originated. It turns out we have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6112

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By sugar - 18/10/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32901

You deserved it

3321

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/12/2015 05:32 - United States - Alexandria Bay

Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24264

You deserved it

1364

Favorite

By sociallyawkward - 26/3/2014 18:06 - United Kingdom - Egham

Today, I faced my social anxiety and went to a chip shop on my own. I tried to have a conversation with the owner, but his thick accent made it difficult. He now knows where I live, what college I go to and I'm pretty sure I agreed to go to India with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41303

You deserved it

8241

Favorite

By brhorton02 - 6/4/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I was waitering at the restaurant that I work at when I collected a credit card bill that was worth $120 and a big zero on the tip line. Angered, I turned to a co-worker and said "I knew this asshole wasn't going to tip me." The guy was standing right behind me with $30 in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22415

You deserved it

166126

Favorite

By CastAway - 24/5/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48523

You deserved it

15019

Favorite

By pat - 9/3/2010 19:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I got fired from my job as a postman, which I started yesterday. They fired me because I failed to deliver a bunch of papers to a road that no longer exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33723

You deserved it

2499

Favorite

By Talkingbeforethinking - 16/3/2019 18:00

Today in class I accidentally called my teacher very old and almost dead. As we were discussing a book I said that the book character is very old and close to death since it fitted to the context. Turns out this character is one year younger than my teacher and she wasn't amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1596

You deserved it

570

Favorite

By FarmerGirl - 9/10/2012 18:43 - Canada - Brossard

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31986

You deserved it

3663

Favorite

By supervisor - 6/11/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, at work I wrote up my boyfriend (whom I've been secretly dating, because I'm his supervisor) for being $40 short on his register. Our policy is to write up anyone short over $10. He got mad and told my boss we're dating, and I was instantly fired. Then I got dumped for being a "tattle-tale". FML

I agree, your life sucks

32738

You deserved it

18107

Favorite

By juliaspaperbags - 16/8/2009 14:32 - United States

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50683

You deserved it

8055

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/12/2013 00:58 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I was passed over for the promotion I've wanted for 9 months at the fast food restaurant I work in. Who got the job? The 16 year old girl I trained 2 weeks ago. Their excuse was, "She has ambition." I'm going to college for food service management. She failed her drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55401

You deserved it

4210

Favorite

By anonymous - 13/11/2015 00:00 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28088

You deserved it

3823

Favorite

By ... - 5/2/2010 03:12 - France

Today, I was at a school rally I was talking to my friends when I noticed the entire gym had gotten quiet. Not knowing why I thought it would be funny to yell out "it's too quiet!" apparently it was a moment of silence for a teacher that had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8898

You deserved it

69975

Favorite

By firefliiez - 15/11/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my ex decided he wanted to start calling me "Pup." I jokingly said "Please! Call me anything but that! Sausage face even! Just anything but that!" Later, we went bowling with a large group of friends. He put my name in the board as "Sausage Face." Everyone agreed it will be my new name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9139

You deserved it

42705

Favorite

By rollerSWEETness - 3/6/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52704

You deserved it

15744

Favorite

By shameless - 28/4/2013 22:24 - United States - Canton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with the creepy guy from my Economics class because I'm so broke that I could really use the free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49620

You deserved it

15196

Favorite

By Smitty Werbenjeagermanjensen - 27/10/2016 03:19 - United States - Amarillo

Today, I had a conversation with the cute girl I like at work for the first time. I told her I worked in the camping department of the store, and we had a long chat about how she heard that the guy who runs that department is a complete dick head. I am the guy who runs that department. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12504

You deserved it

2612

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 23:36 - Canada

Today, I left to go home for Christmas holidays. I got 3 hours away and realised I forgot the presents. Along with the engagement ring I was going to give to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30472

You deserved it

13856

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/8/2013 23:29 - Switzerland

Today, a man pulled a knife on me just so he could mug me of the cigarette I was smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47366

You deserved it

7788

Favorite

By fd - 16/1/2009 13:36 - United States

Today, my partner and I were informed by the man we had a three-way with, the first one after having finally screwed up the courage to do it, that he has mono. I don't feel so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12426

You deserved it

38217

Favorite

By bTOhno - 13/8/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44921

You deserved it

4711

Favorite

By nomail - 26/5/2016 19:55 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the management office of my apartment building announced it will be keeping packages in the office until you can pick them up. They also posted new hours. There will be someone in the office once a week, for two hours only. I work those two hours, every single week. No more mail for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12575

You deserved it

839

Favorite

By mer - 8/2/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I told my best friend of 10 years that somewhere along the way I fell in love with him and I think we should be together. His response: "I appreciate the sentiment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33812

You deserved it

4130

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/9/2013 21:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58030

You deserved it

7020

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/2/2018 01:30

"shortcomings"

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7713

You deserved it

596

Favorite

By technodont - 11/5/2015 14:37 - United States

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26189

You deserved it

4290

Favorite

By Coffee - 6/8/2018 16:30

Today, I went to Starbucks to get my free birthday coffee and due to a mistake I received two. Thinking it was my lucky day, I hurried off to work. As I was walking in, I tripped and spilt one coffee all over my new dress. Then I walked into a door and spilt the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2761

You deserved it

1027

Favorite

By Meggie - 5/11/2009 05:06 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my dad and his new "girlfriend". A couple days ago I realized that my sexy clothes that my boyfriend had bought me for our anniversary was missing. Guess who was wearing it? FML

I agree, your life sucks

26962

You deserved it

2163

Favorite

By theJoblessArchaeologist - 13/4/2017 05:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, as within the last couple of years, my dream job is only accepting applications from students continuing their degree in the fall. Literally, people with half degrees can get what I can't get with a full degree and experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4188

You deserved it

298

Favorite

By lexithepirate - 27/7/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21781

You deserved it

2712

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By kred | 21

#6195743 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:05

It's close to midnight, and something evils lurking in my pants....

By LittleBells | 17

#6195758 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:09

That must be a thriller to your co-workers.

Comments

By kred | 21

#6195743 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:05

It's close to midnight, and something evils lurking in my pants....

HyunnK | 18

#6195859 - Sunday 8 February 2015 1:30

Is it the Joker?

countryb_cth | 38

#6201261 - Friday 13 February 2015 9:37

Oh Oh I know this one its... its... uh.... uh..... Satan !!
Jee I hope I'm write, I need an A on this to pass.

By oathkeeper99 | 31

#6195746 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:07

I wouldn't even be mad, that's hilarious!

FweakofCydonia | 40

#6500034 - Sunday 3 January 2016 2:33

To be fair, they probably liked his package more so than the dance move itself. Lol.

By DolphinLaser23 | 24

#6195752 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:08

Haha I feel bad for you but that is pretty funny.

By LittleBells | 17

#6195758 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:09

That must be a thriller to your co-workers.

iLike2Teabag | 27

#6195894 - Sunday 8 February 2015 2:14

At least he didn't get caught on camera beating it.

sstahpp | 33

#6196892 - Monday 9 February 2015 2:28

Just BEAT IT!

By Johnnycake23 | 42

#6195761 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:10

Annie are you OK?

thespiantess | 18

#6196255 - Sunday 8 February 2015 11:27

Are you OK, Annie?

By dpxantos | 10

#6195763 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:10

Could be worse, are they asking if you like little boys?

By yomomonastick | 9

#6195765 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:11

tell them to "beat it"

By chazzywazzy654 | 22

#6195766 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:11

Not as bad as the picture of the drunk optom biting someone's bum at a work party. That's what's pinned up in the staff area where I work?

wvcheesehead | 13

#6195872 - Sunday 8 February 2015 1:41

Wtf is an optum?

By WitEluded | 13

#6195767 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:12

I guess you know what your office Halloween costume will be this year...

By AutisticAbyss | 10

#6195771 - Sunday 8 February 2015 0:14

Nothing wrong with that! Be proud of it!