Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML
Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Today, my wife went into the bathroom at Walmart. Being almost sure there was no one else in there, I stood around the corner to scare her. As the door opened, I jumped around the corner and scared an innocent woman to so badly she peed herself. FML
Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life." I'm 26 and just very short. FML
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML
Today, in a store, an obnoxious woman, swearing loudly and slapping at her out-of-control kids, was disrupting the whole place. I said to the cashier, "That nasty woman should leave the brats at home." She gave me a filthy look and said, "Do you mind? That's my sister." FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
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Top comments
broderickc 13
Literally the definition of being in the wrong place at the wrong time
starile 20
Throw some chocolate at her, maybe that will calm the beast!
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Comments (129)
Nyx_fml 23
So what's the story with your name? Did your friend offer you a rimjob to make up for it?
lexisJO 11
I was trying to figure out the same thing.. Hahahaha
abbruzzi67 15
Only at walmart
caitylynn05 16
Two words. Bad Day.
ghil15 8
did u slap her back?...
suppdoe 6
Welcome to Wal-mart..
SmilieAKD 20
It's called assault & battery. Call the police & have her ass thrown in jail. You can't go around just hitting people. It's against the law.
1dvs_bstd 41
sueing is for *******, if you get hit in the face, reciprocate.
NotoriousLES 14
That's what I'm saying! You don't sue, and you don't call police either. You simply knock the offender unconscious! Even I, all of 98 lbs, have done that with one good square punch to the jaw. Self defense is legal and admirable, not to mention satisfying.
skyeyez9 25
God I hate these fmls where a stranger assaults the OP because OP never hits back. If that shit happened to me, the other person would be staggering away with a broken nose.
Fuhkyoo 17
one time a lady punched me in the face holding a cucumber and it exploded, if she was a guy I definitely wouldve taken a swing back, I was hungover and she cut in line to boot
monnanon 14
sometimes the sheer shock of getting hit knocks your reaction times. its like having an arguement when you always think of the most witty retort once its all over.
CorpsmanUp88 21
username haha
SneakyChick1722 14
I would have called the cops on her ass for assault.It would have given her husband a break away from her.
NotoriousLES 14
Cops are for emergencies, not bitch slaps. Just hit back as hard you can, land it right and it only takes one. Then you can walk away and move on with your day.