Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got bitched out by some lady in a Walmart because I looked at her funny while she was on the phone, loudly bragging about "slapping the shit out of" her kids. FML
Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML
Today, I came home in an awful mood, and grumbled to my wife that sometimes I want to strangle my boss. My wife regularly screams up and down the house over the most minor shit, but apparently this upset her so much that she took the kids to her mom's, and is demanding I get anger management. FML
Today, my wife went into the bathroom at Walmart. Being almost sure there was no one else in there, I stood around the corner to scare her. As the door opened, I jumped around the corner and scared an innocent woman to so badly she peed herself. FML
Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life." I'm 26 and just very short. FML
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML
Today, in a store, an obnoxious woman, swearing loudly and slapping at her out-of-control kids, was disrupting the whole place. I said to the cashier, "That nasty woman should leave the brats at home." She gave me a filthy look and said, "Do you mind? That's my sister." FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
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Top comments
broderickc 13
Literally the definition of being in the wrong place at the wrong time
starile 20
Throw some chocolate at her, maybe that will calm the beast!
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Comments (129)
badams92 5
Should have pressed charges on her ass.
abc4753 1
Another reason why I don't go to Walmart
awkward_painful 4
seriously though, what's with the awesome name?
pedinhuh 23
I'd hit her back and claim self-defense, if her husband gets bitchy about it, i'd hit him too for the trouble, then sue both of them, because 'murica my friend.
squii123 4
Assault. You didn't do anything and she assaulted you. File a report. Even if you SAID something, it wouldn't matter. She has no right to lay her hands on you. *shrug* just sounds like she's a raging bitch to me.
dragonflyEvans 1
I would have beat the shot out of her then pressed charges. She assaulted you first!
Zombie_Sea_Otter 9
That's when you kick old lady ass with a can of baked beans!
Beepbeep7 14
Pay it forward to your friend.
jixiekat 14
ahhhh... walmart
crazyclown00 17
Please say you slapped yet back.