Today, I woke up to what seemed like dirt on my face. Not dirt. It was cremated remains. My memory charm had broken open in my sleep. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I woke up to find some really weird stuff in my bed. We just got back from vacation in Florida, and my husband burned really bad. I woke up to his peeled off skin all over my face. FML
Today, I found out that for the past 6 months I have been sleeping next to a dead body. The cremated body of my landlord's father. It was hidden inside a wardrobe that I was not supposed to use. FML
Today, I woke up to find my face covered in scratches, some of them bleeding. I was rather puzzled, as I don't have a cat. Then I realised that the feathers in my pillow had stuck out and scratched my face. I was attacked by my own pillow. FML
Today, I attended my girlfriend's mother's wake. When I walked up the three-step platform the casket was on, I tripped, fell over the edge of the casket, and head-butted her mother's corpse. The adhesive holding one of her eyes came undone. FML
Today, I woke up to a weird feeling on my face. Thinking it was a bug, I slapped at it. It was my freshly-inserted nose ring. FML
Today, a picture fell off of the wall in the middle of the night. It hit me smack bang in the middle of face. FML
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, I had four teeth pulled, and my mom brought me some ice cream to help with the pain. I fell asleep before I could finish it, and without realising, I left the bowl on my bed. I woke up a few hours later with ice cream spilled all over me, my pants, and all over my now-dead phone. FML
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Top comments
lev 11
why do you sleep with the charm on?
Brightside86 31
On a long enough timeline that was bound to happen.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Looks like the memory charm worked -- you'll always have the memory of having cremated remains on your face. Whose remains were they anyways?
lev 11
why do you sleep with the charm on?
Brightside86 31
On a long enough timeline that was bound to happen.
fjvitt 14
All we are is Dust in the wind...pipe...