Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML
Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML
Today, I was draining the water from my fishbowl out into the kitchen sink. The fish was still in it and decided to go with the flow, literally, right into the garburator. I was too scared to stick my hand down there to save it; instead I panicked and turned the garburator on. FML
Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML
Today, my little sister put me in charge of keeping her fighting fish alive. It would've been an easy task if it weren't for my crazy ex-boyfriend drunkenly forcing his way into my house, vomiting into the fishbowl and killing the fish. Only ten more hours until my family gets home. FML
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
Today, I found my brand new tropical fish dead in its tank because my boyfriend got drunk last night and decided to pour red wine into the aquarium. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML
Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML
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Top comments
JTthePurpleNinja 5
F the fishes life ! Ouch
dontfmlplzzz 6
Your reaction was to shred the fish? Angry much?
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Comments (229)
ChelseaGrin112 14
Well maybe if he took responsibility and cleaned his own pets fish bowl, that wouldn't have happened. :P
alym1617 0
I'm confused... your boyfriend is a fish?
Levvy 22
What the heck kind of instinctive reaction is that? "Yeah, my dog came around the corner and startled me, so my immediate impulse was to run into the garage, get a canister of fuel, pour it on her, get a match, ignite it, and set her on fire. I couldn't help it, it was pure reflexes, man!"
1094568 1
Never let a girl do a man's job...
Levvy 22
Cleaning fish tanks is a "man's job"? Your gender stereotypes aren't even offensive, they're just weird. Do you also feel that petting manta rays is a woman's job, that it's a man's duty to stare at giraffes, and that women have the god-given duty of removing the pimentos from green olives if requested by any postal worker?
GoldenGrizzly 7
That is a stupid impulse, dearie.
ohwhoaa95 6
I would've bought I new fish d:
xgetxbentx 13
....what exactly were you expecting to happen when you flipped the switch? You obviously weren't doing it right anyways if the fish was able to jump into a drain Common sense, so rare it should be considered a super power.
writergirl23 19
I hope it doesn't sound like cruelty to animals when I say that I laughed myself to tears xD
jedielf 23
... You. MONSTER. :(
spiff77 0
Simpsons is still watched...