Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML
Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML
Today, I was riding on my bike when I saw a homeless guy holding a sign saying, "Need money, stranded from Oklahoma." I decided to be nice, and hopped off my bike to give him $2. He took the money, and then jacked my bike. FML
Today, I saw a homeless woman and a young man wrapped in a blanket so I went to give them a fiver. Turns out the woman was just helping calm her autistic son by wrapping him up, and not homeless at all. She kicked me in the balls and took the money anyway while I was on the ground. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML
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Top comments
Emmamazing 26
That sucks, OP. You have the sympathy from both me and the old man looking over my shoulder at my phone.
booze_n_bitches 37
Maybe he was just dressed as a hipster but you couldn't see his iPhone...?
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Comments (49)
ScarredFlame 17
what.
laden_swallow09 35
"Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML" Does that help you?
asspole 16
Maybe he was just really ugly.
nonsensical 26
or maybe it's that smelly smell... that smelly smell that smells... smelly.
briang959 47
Sounds like mom really likes giving back to her community.
turdoblast 21
you were gonna give him money, but he took already has your mommy oooh. maybe tell the two that your funny misunderstanding tho - if said in a light-hearted way, the dude should be able to laugh it off and at the same time might realise his appearance could do with a little fixing up
slackerjoe 22
just fyi, in English a turd is poop.
donkinator 24
keep an eye out for his hobo knife...
thatnucca 36
Beware of that hobo swag OP... I guess you now know firsthand that it's no joke...
ana_lee_bonde 17
Keep your dollar, he wants to holla.
hammonds92 21
She just felt sorry for him to so she decided to give him some money, a home, some food , and a little lovin lol
150493x 29
Some women do go for scruffy guys. You never know, you could end up getting along really well with him if things get serious.
vikky538 29
what a twist... never expected that...
abbyade 21
I'm sure your mum has her reasons for dating him. Don't judge :)