Today, as I was riding my bike home from school, I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench. I was about to walk up to him and give him money, but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him. My mom is dating this guy. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML
Today, I missed my bus. I had to ride my bike 2 miles. Once I left, some jerk nearly hit me. I flipped him off and shouted obsceneties. It was my dad, offering me a ride. He left. FML
Today, I snuck out to go see my girlfriend. When I got to her house, I left my bike out front and we went on a nice walk around the block. We passed a homeless-looking woman going the opposite way. About ten minutes later, the same woman passed us, on my bike. FML
Today, I was jogging through my neighborhood and then I notice this cute guy running beside me, we stoped and flirted for a while and my mom drove past. She then rolled down the window and said "Honey, you owe me for the dry cleaning on your period pants." FML
Today, I was riding on my bike when I saw a homeless guy holding a sign saying, "Need money, stranded from Oklahoma." I decided to be nice, and hopped off my bike to give him $2. He took the money, and then jacked my bike. FML
Today, I saw a homeless woman and a young man wrapped in a blanket so I went to give them a fiver. Turns out the woman was just helping calm her autistic son by wrapping him up, and not homeless at all. She kicked me in the balls and took the money anyway while I was on the ground. FML
Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my mom hasn't been noticing the extra cleaning I've done lately is because her boyfriend took credit when she asked about it; and was rewarded for it in bed. I helped him get with my mom. FML
Today, my mom decided to tell me about her new boyfriend. I know him. I've slept with him. FML
Today, as I was walking towards my friends at the bus stop, a man came up to me and asked me out. This was the first time I'd be asked out in months. I accepted. When I reached my friends they looked at me then asked, "Why were you talking to that homeless guy?". FML
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Top comments
Emmamazing 26
That sucks, OP. You have the sympathy from both me and the old man looking over my shoulder at my phone.
booze_n_bitches 37
Maybe he was just dressed as a hipster but you couldn't see his iPhone...?
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Comments (49)
travellingfun 18
Looks can be deceiving, he could be a cool guy. edit; he could also be rich!
Wolfipoo 31
Sorry OP, hope it works out for you.
lazyslumber 18
Wow!! He made a home in your mother's heart.
fleur_de_fevrier_fml 23
Wow, aren't you judgmental OP? So homeless people are not worth dating?
xebi 4
Thank you. This.
PurpleDarthVader 13
Maybe she's dating him because he's a genuine great guy.
little_one 20
Maybe he's trying a new fashion trend like DERELICT! Hobo's so hot this season.
8Dirty1 24
big plot twist
thenielsens 12
Something you both can have in common, mooch off of mama ?
theotherguyss 3
On a more positive note, at least your mom didn't catch you watching **** and made you watch it through with her while she gave you play-by-play remarks =].
laden_swallow09 35
At least OP doesn't have gangrene.
ForeverJasmine 26
Oh wow well at least your mom is happy? Money isn't everything you know (: