Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Like a rhinestone cowboy
whatadaydanny 12
He had an awesome night.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (230)
Karma21 4
Nice name
TrafalgarLaw_fml 4
I just realized that was in a Nicki Minaj song
momen22 3
Sounds like he had fun :)
mashimarox 12
hes a bad bitch no muzzle. WHAT?
geod69 8
Your life sucks but he deserved to fall in his own puke hope you let him sleep in it
demonkey_fml 4
Next time take a video with your cellphone and post it privately to youtube. Then send the link out to your family members. Yes, it's white trashy, but should be a fun icebreaker at Thanksgiving.
WmZH 1
He sounds like a badass haha.
inaka6k 1
I came home drunk once....my father let me sleep in. When I woke up around 1pm my sister(also hungover) and I had to go clean up dog poop outta the back yard....in Arizona.....during the summer.....never did it again!
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Take a picture.
Kira_Hadfield 8
Nice kid you got there..