Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML
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Top comments
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Like a rhinestone cowboy
whatadaydanny 12
He had an awesome night.
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Comments (230)
98capecod 9
Nicki minaj
iHeartMuzik 0
Chill, He's Just Immitating Nicki Minaj...
sugoine 12
And people wonder why I have an anti-breeding policy...
narasjbhs 1
Teenagers will be teenagers. But your is seemingly out of control.. Grounding the little bastard but get him to toe in line
IceCreamMage 17
This is probably the best thing I've read in awhile.
X_Codes 11
Yeah, well, look at it this way: If he brings a girl over, you know what to do.
hallow239 3
He did not sip his booze he chugged his booze
noisebox 1
Pink cowboy boots? There's your first clue...
LennyComa 39
If the Hangover doesn't teach him a lesson at least you know he'll survive college
acetheone 8
i wonder where he's been. maybe a nice pink cowboy club, drinking? yes. straight? not likely. fyl op.