Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML
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Top comments
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Like a rhinestone cowboy
whatadaydanny 12
He had an awesome night.
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Comments (230)
LONERANGER44 11
That's your boy right there.
mimi809o 21
sounds like he had fun :D
dabeast15 7
Sounds like he had a fun night
onorexveritas 24
he sounds like a real charmer
DocBastard 40
Edit: how the hell did this end up here? Nothing to see here, folks. Keep on walking.
beacbum7 7
No school for him today?
happylawyer 16
I am sorry, but at 16 he is not of legal age. As long as my kid is a minor I will decide if he goes out or not. The key here is to raise children to respect the parents, their olders and people with authorithy. I don't care if at 16 you are capable of thinking by yourselves, you are not mature enough to take right decisions and that's why parents should be aware of what our kids do. My kid may not be the coolest kid in the block but he volunteers for non-profit organizations, hang out with friends, go to the movies, have friends over to play video games and talk nonsenses for hours, and have had his girlfriends, all of that without alcohol, drugs or irresponsible behavior. It is not necesesary to be reckless and irresponsible to have a good time.
chippa 24
Awesome! I definitely agree with you, respect is key. So many parents seem to think that's something that they get automatically.
devore504 7
lmao i bet he knocks up somebody
frigofjim 5
Spoken like a true liberal pussy... Not Surprised you're a scum sucking bottom dwelling lawyer
antixx101 0
"Cuz tequila makes his clothes fall off!"
junkman6 22
I did similar once and my old man just let me sleep outside on the back porch with the dogs. Waking up sunburnt hungover and in a puddle of dried vomit cures you of getting stupidly drunk real fast.
iHeartMuzik 0
Reminds Me Of The First Hangover Movie hahaha
junkman6 22
Well I could get inside when I woke up and the note taped to the back door said no more partying for the rest of the semester, and we would "talk" when he got home.
cass711 3
sounds like he had a good time