Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML
Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML
Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML
Today, after a short trip out of town, I came back late at night to the yard clean, the house swept and mopped, all the laundry done, and my son asleep. I was thrilled with my boyfriend, until I found him passed out, covered in spilled beer and piss. FML
Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML
Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML
Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, I stepped out for some fresh air while I waited for my clothes to dry at the laundromat. Just as I was retrieving my clothes, a disheveled-looking kid staggered over, pushed me aside, and started vomiting his guts out all over my fresh clothes. FML
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Top comments
JoeRogansBEARD 15
Like a rhinestone cowboy
whatadaydanny 12
He had an awesome night.
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Comments (230)
gracehi 33
WTF??? WHY WASN'T I INVITED TO THIS PARTY???
tne201992 12
No need for all caps sir.
ManInTheMachine 20
That's ma'am to you. Ma'am.
gc327072 31
72- ma'am*
gracehi 33
I used all caps to denote yelling, sir, to emphasize my colossal disappointment in not being invited to this epic party.
Dracoboxer357 36
14- Very well then: Next time I'm holding a "Drink Yourself Stupid-Nude" weekend event, I'll make sure to invite you and the FML community along for the memories. ;P Problem solved. ;)
Schizomaniac 24
Draco, I don't think there would be many memories.
gracehi 33
EEEEEEEEE!!!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!! *dons pink cowboy boots*
SenselessPattern 12
I'll bring my pregnant step sister with me.
perdix 31
At least, you know you are working to support his "Midnight Cowboy" lifestyle. Yeee-haaawww!
gc327072 31
Some people call him the space cowboy, Some call him the gangster of love. Some people call him Morris (wee-woo)
OhDearBetrayal 25
He could have gotten himself a gig at a strip bar like Channing Tatum in Magic Mike;)
perdix 31
#54, what the hell is a "pompitous?"
gc327072 31
Is that what he really says? Ha, I never could make that out. Google it, I guess…
gc327072 31
Here you go Perdix: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pompatus_of_Love
perdix 31
Thanks, but I knew Steve Miller just made it up. Just like there are no such flowers as "colitas" that are mentioned in Hotel California.
gc327072 31
166- that's because Hotel California is by the eagles..... Or is this Perdix sarcasm again.... And I think colitas is marijuana?
boycrazy30007 12
I know this sucks for you and you're family, and I would probably kill him but that is hilarious.
apan 13
you'r *
Welshite 40
#66: *your
guckylynn 19
Pretty sure she mean you're, like she said. You are family but if he were my son I'd kill him is basically what she meant.
Amanyyyyyy 29
But she's talking to OP, who most likely isn't her family... I think she meant "your."
YacL 15
Why not start the day with a big bowl of "my son just stumbled onto the lawn in nothing but underwear and pink cowboy boots because he was incredibly drunk"? That's my favourite brand of cereal.
PrincessPenelope_fml 9
Aw, don't consider yourself a failed parent! Sometimes, young people just have to go crazy. At least he came home all right! Good luck with the cleaning (or are you making him do it)? ;)
ugafan247365 3
yolo
JoeRogansBEARD 15
NOLO
Vo13c3s1nMyH3ad 7
I hate you >.>
slimjim8094 12
You know, people used to say 'carpe diem' as they aspired to live life to its fullest and most rewarding. Nowadays, people say 'yolo' as they aspire to get so drunk they pass out in a pool of their own vomit. Pretty sure that's a step back...
muFilter 19
BSBG
strider1987 14
What does "you obviously love owls" have to do with this?
Dracoboxer357 36
83- In this case, he closer followed the saying "Carpet Vomitus"; Puke on the rug. :p
JoeRogansBEARD 15
102 I don't think that's Latin
Timbuka 1
F your life? You raised him. YDI if anything. 16 isn't too young to start experimenting with alcohol, but he should live in fear of your dissapointment if 1) he drinks too much, and 2) it gets him in trouble. Seems he's being reckless and irresponsible, with no fear of consequences
ManInTheMachine 20
Oh goodness, this bullshit again. Believe it or not smart-ass, after a certain age it is up to the teenager, and not the parents, to grow the **** up and be responsible. You don't know how he was when he was younger; hell, he could've been the most polite kid on earth, but at 16 years old, he's old enough to make his own decisions. Get your head out of your ass.
wolfhausen 7
It's up to parents to set guidelines, after that the kid decides what to do with those values. Sorry 26 didn't see your post D:
ManInTheMachine 20
Exactly, wolfhausen. No problem, I agree with you.
alycion 39
My patents taught me to know better but I still did stupid stuff growing up. When I went through my wild stage I was self medicating for bipolar. My mom kept trying to get me help for it just to be told that kids my age didn't get depression or bipolar. I'm glad the world has grown up and realized that that attitude was wrong. But it did cause me to do a handful of stupid stunts like op's son. Granted, I got grounded every time. Kids will be kids. They experiment. And sometimes there are underlying reasons for the behavior that aren't the parents' fault.
LollipopDragon 4
I bet Timbuka is the guy who want to blame his parents for everything he ever did wrong as a teenager, but still expected them to let him do whatever he wanted to. It's up to the teenager to take responsibility.
lilhellian 27
Is it just me or was everyone waiting for that one idiot to post something like this?
SeepingSarcasm 7
Really #22, ''he should live in fear of your dissapointment''? And then what, commit suicide at the age of 21 because he failled a subject and is going to dissapoint daddy? Honestly, everybody does something stupid at some stage, granted maby not as cowboy-ish as this, but perhaps the better option is to punish him, yet still be there for him and make him learn from his mistakes?
doodlecloud 27
Yes, it is up to the child, but the parent still has to provide them with knowledge and guidance so that when they DO get to the point where they're making their own decisions, they make decent ones that don't put them in danger. And at 16 you're still a teen, not fully grown, some people are still only just reaching puberty (the big bits anyways - periods and all that). So it should be mixture of teen and parental decisions.
dabeast15 7
How Is he a failed parent? If I wanted to go out and get drunk, I would. It's my choice not my parents
Timbuka 1
I think because I knew my parents had risen me well, I would disappoint them and myself if I did something I knew was wrong. I would never blame them. Also if I lived under my parents roof I would have to abide by their rules. Just because I tuned 16 didn't mean I now could do whatever I wanted to, despite being old enough to know right from wrong. Can't believe that many people need to express their opinion on my opinion. First time being grilled on the Internet, it's nuts =]
doodlecloud 27
136 - I think the hope is that, if raised well, you wouldn't WANT to do that. Not to this level anyway.
bonkers_becca 10
hahaha!!! your son is awesome!
BellaBelle_fml 23
I hope you have one just like him some day.
bonkers_becca 10
like i would be stupid enough to reproduce!
bonkers_becca 10
thats what im saying you *******!
blackcherries 5
Right that's it! I'm coming to America sounds like you have awesome parties! Dayum! :D
KylieMangion 22
I’m sure Nicki Minaj’s songs were on during the party. He probably heard Pound the Alarm too many times.
KiddNYC1O 22
Your pic makes me want to pound the alarm.