Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
Today, I had a stomach bug and had to run to the restroom because I messed my pants. My boyfriend's words of comfort? "Don't worry, bro. I've crapped my pants at least twice since we've been together." FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML
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Top comments
AirBusDriver 23
He couldn't see that you were full of shit?
LyricaSilvan 30
Pretty sure the concern is over the fact that the guy was openly declaring major feelings, and OP couldn't bring themselves to focus on that. As in it may be an issue in terms of how far the relationship will go if OP has trouble being interested in what the guy has to say.
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Comments (25)
kloring1 15
I am assuming that OP's inability to concentrate was due to bodily distress as opposed to anything related to their partner. For those of you saying OP should rethink their relationship, you've clearly never suffered from gastrointestinal problems.
Kwada 1
Isn't the OP also a guy? I'm confused
nonsensical 26
Some couples involve same-sex people! Just a heads up :)
RogenP 8
Poops are no respecters of time.
kimise 21
Hannah Horvath? Is that you??
Atmey 5
Best tool for utter rejection, just there if you need it.