Today, as I listened to the guy I've been seeing pour his heart out to me, all I could think about was how much I needed to poop. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was hit on by a guy who decided to use the line, "My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in." FML
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML
Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy on the phone. I told him I'd be right back. I thought I'd put him on mute. Turns out he heard everything as I took the biggest dump I've ever taken. We haven't talked since. FML
Today, my husband and I were talking about how we missed our sexting from when we were dating, so later I took a bath and texted him while he was relaxing in bed. His response ? "I'm tired and hurry up I need to poop." FML
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML
Today, I had a stomach bug and had to run to the restroom because I messed my pants. My boyfriend's words of comfort? "Don't worry, bro. I've crapped my pants at least twice since we've been together." FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML
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Top comments
AirBusDriver 23
He couldn't see that you were full of shit?
LyricaSilvan 30
Pretty sure the concern is over the fact that the guy was openly declaring major feelings, and OP couldn't bring themselves to focus on that. As in it may be an issue in terms of how far the relationship will go if OP has trouble being interested in what the guy has to say.
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Comments (25)
AirBusDriver 23
He couldn't see that you were full of shit?
draftskink 23
Money
draftskink 23
Money
jcash52426 5
I don't think he or anyone would give you a hard time if you said please excuse me I have to use the restroom.
LyricaSilvan 30
Pretty sure the concern is over the fact that the guy was openly declaring major feelings, and OP couldn't bring themselves to focus on that. As in it may be an issue in terms of how far the relationship will go if OP has trouble being interested in what the guy has to say.
jcash52426 5
Right can if she went tithe bathroom then she can listen to her crush. Which is why I said she should excuse herself to the bathroom!
cacheson 42
It's entirely possible that OP just needed to poop so badly that they couldn't concentrate on anything else at all.
Varieus 30
His opening up might have been regards to something else in his life, nonetheless if it is a common occurrence that OP cannot concentrate on him opening up etc... OP should reconsider the relationship, or ways to fix it. Communication is key.
evilplatypus 39
Even IF OP were super devoted to this relationship "excuse me, I need to use the bathroom" during a major confession of love is at this point a cliched sitcom-esque means of escape/rejection and the boyfriend would probably view it that way.
False_Stupidity 42
It's hard to concentrate when you really have to go badly.
Shekelstein 6
umm yes he would think that he didnt wabt what he wanted
willydafo 10
Sounds like a shitty situation
brenton490 19
Well ain't that a load of crap.
AyeJay101 25
He wanted to let it all out, and apparently so did you.
nitrog100 21
You probably looked really uncomfortable, so you should probably explain that to him. I had something somewhat similar happen to me. I was on a first date, and the restaurant was only a little over a mile away, so I decided to walk there. By the time I got there, I kind of had to go to the bathroom, but I was also about 6 minutes late, so I decided to just sit down instead of heading for the bathroom. Two hours and three glasses of water later, I was about ready to pop. When I asked her out on a second date, she told me that she thought she had scared me off because I looked so uncomfortable while she was telling a personal story.
Sintamuel Fontenot 1
Girls don't poop.
Sintamuel Fontenot 1
Girls don't poop.
alvarny 17
he probably interpreted your constipated, distressed look for a look of concern and sympathy. it happens.
RichardPencil 32
So he was pouring out his heart while you wanted to pour out your colon?