Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, after waiting two hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
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Top comments
alkaid 14
" the point of no return" ? that sounds like an epic shit you got there
TahoeFMler 22
Um duh, don't answer them and do your business!
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Comments (78)
deaper 16
lol @# 28!
tyoyomi 1
no ur nt he's jus bein stupid
abasio 1
So? Do you have to answer everything? Just let them ring and take your dump!
DeathByRamen 0
Ahhah ahah ahah. So PUNny. Ha ahah ahah... no.
RoxxyHustle 7
SFW?
jayAZ 3
I hope it was Publishers Clearing house with your 10Mil and a dream job on the phone...otherwise...FOL (**** our lives) for this post! I want my 2 min back!!
Lingonberry668 0
hopefully it wasn't anyone important...
emodude44 0
Jehovas Witnesses... everytime you try to shit or **********...
swagerific227 0
u spelt jehovah wrong
Kamirose 4
You spelled "you" and "spelled" wrong.
toelie 26
Actually, 'spelled' and 'spelt' both are correct. Some verbs have regular and irregular forms (e.g. dreamed/dreamt, learned/learnt)
TenderWhispers 0
Taking dumps are awesome, big fan of it.
zoocity13 5
what is this, the phantom of the opera??