Today, after suffering from constipation for three days, I finally took a dump. Just as things reached the point of no return, my land line and doorbell all rang. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML
Today, I was at home with slight constipation, so I took two laxatives. That's when my boyfriend called me, saying his parents are in town and want to have dinner tonight, this being the first time I've met them. I've already been on the toilet five times. FML
Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, after waiting two hours for my landlord to leave so I could take a shit in peace, I sat down on the toilet. The doorbell immediately rang. It was my landlord, who wanted to let me know that he had just backed into my car. FML
Today, I've been chronically constipated so long that I was actually grateful for the sudden blast of diarrhea that ruined my pants. FML
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Top comments
alkaid 14
" the point of no return" ? that sounds like an epic shit you got there
TahoeFMler 22
Um duh, don't answer them and do your business!
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Comments (78)
CreateZ 0
That rhymed :O
MrRawwr84 0
i dont get this????
smushies_fml 0
I guess no turning back!
sallen0046 4
Seriously? You weren't plummeting off a cliff, you were taking a crap. This is not in any way a life-******* situation. You simply return the call when you're out of the bathroom. The person at the door will either come back, or actually be polite and call to see if you want them to show up on your doorstep again.
Flamehog9 0
FERST AMG
dre_bro11 12
Why the **** did you put a question mark at the end? It's not even a question.
toelie 26
If you are so desperate not to miss any calls/visits, next time put a note on your door: "Taking much-needed dump, please call again later" and record the same on your answering machine.
stingray626 0
damn crybabys these daysoh u couldnt answer the door nd phone so fml lol get over it not a big deal at all
aspnet_rules 0
This is an FML? **** this, post more life-******* stories than this on here, come on.
Sirin_fml 47
Thanks for the suggestion, aspnet_rules. We'll take it under advisement at the next Fight Club meeting or something.
DropTheDaggerxx 31
Oh my god, I love you just for the Fight Club thing.
Steve95401 49
Just because a doorbell or telephone rings doesn't mean that you have run to answer it. That's what an answering machine is for and the person at the door was probably trying to sell something.
aardvarkish 17
I love that feeling!