Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette while watching the meteor shower. I was just about at the filter and as I was taking my last drag, my friend decided to scare me from behind, and I accidentally sucked the whole thing in my mouth. They don't go out immediately when in your mouth. My tongue hurts. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, I was smoking a cigarette in my backyard while my parents were out, because I'm not allowed to smoke. While smoking, my parents came home unexpectedly. In a rush, I flicked it over the fence, and it landed in my neighbor's hair. It was still lit. FML
Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML
Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I was babysitting for my usual parents. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML
Today, I was at a barbecue with my extended family. I was chatting to my grandma, when my idiotic brother decided to douse the grill with his cola. The hissing sounded so much like a Minecraft creeper that I instinctively screamed and practically shat my pants. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Welp, you have no choice but to stage your own exorcism, writhe around on the floor, and pretend to be rid of that cursed demon.
Laphog 17
You should be glad he didn't use any of the other methods Sam and Dean have tried over the years .
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Comments (45)
ASLGabby 9
That's awesome
noreallywhat 17
That made me laugh so freaking hard
Lindsey15 2
I realize that this situation must have sucked for you, but reading this made my day- and it's only 6AM. I would just be thankful that he didn't start speaking in tongues and chanting at you. :'D Thanks for the laugh, OP.
crudeandrudeguy 29
Yes, everyone deserves to be punished for making their own decisions... Cancer isn't enough without judgement from complete strangers
AKchic 7
<p>*laugh* If that had happened to MY kid, I'd be laughing my ass off (as much as I am just reading this).</p> <p>If you really want to be cool, go ahead and say you're not a demon, but a dragon (might have to go to season 7 for that episode). Or that you're a demon eater.</p> <p>Or, you could be boring and just explain the truth, allow yourself to be touched with salt and "holy water" and call it good. Or, let him brush up on his latin and perform an exorcism.</p>
acmariner99 25
This post gave me cancer
TheyCallMeDamien 18
Everybody knows salt is for ghosts not demons. He would need to capture with a confinement spell first before attempting an exorcism. Duh! Sam and Dean have been teaching for years and people still get it wrong.
thisisthestupid 18
This literally just made my day omfg
The_Sexomancer 11
I'm surprised this isn't top comment. The FML community loves the whole sanctimonious attitude.
montcc 2
<p>haha poor you little cousin XD</p>