Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML
Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
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Top comments
SirCuDi 9
Buy a gas mask
Zeronos 0
Call of dooty: Fart Ops.
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Comments (128)
iPhone216 7
Break part of the window?
melantysaurus 3
It will pass once she has adjusted, and realized that vegan doesn't restrict them to curried lentils.
marisadc79 0
I'd be slipping Beano into something she eats, switch the vitamins for them or something. That or invest in medical masks lol. FYL!
Kuuroneko17 2
Weird. I've been a vegetarian for four years. My farts are odorless and I know this because people have told me.
darkmis1 18
Same with me. I guess it's what we eat.
LullzKitteh 1
make sure you open up that window asafp, op! you don't want to suffocate!
angryoriental 0
So shit in her room... Course with her havin gas that might not even bother her
bubo_fml 11
Make your room mate tie a pillow over her bum as a makeshift fart filter...
Rjp1995 0
Piss in her mouth in her sleep. She'll stop..
ziphii 6
Where the heck do you live where you can open a window at night? It's like 5 degrees F overnight here!
Hulabaloola 0
There's a simple solution. Put a lighted candle near her rectum. Let's see what catches fire at night.