Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night choking and had to open my bedroom window. No, it wasn’t a gas leak. My husband had a curry last night and his constant farting was so bad I was struggling to breathe. FML
Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML
Today, I kindly asked my crazy roommate to move out. She answered by stuffing raw hamburger meat down all the drains in the apartment. FML
Today, my mother bolted into my room and let out a huge fart that smelled like rotten meat because she wanted to prove a point, that she had been having intestinal problems for three days. FML
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Top comments
SirCuDi 9
Buy a gas mask
Zeronos 0
Call of dooty: Fart Ops.
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Comments (128)
graham11 14
OP don't open the window! Anton is snatchin yo people up!!
mserrato 8
You only have one window
emodude44 0
Goodbye Op! You were a good person!
jellyD 1
Oh wow, your concerned about gas!? Well a little menthol anything under the nose helps!
tj4234 36
true, I'm going to have to tushay you guys. Just I don't remember having bad gas when I turned vegetarian and I ate a balanced diet. Although to be fair, I've never been good at eating greens anyway and I'm still not :L.
TheDrifter 24
Not remembering doesn't necessarily mean not having. I have noticed that a lot of the world's stinky people don't know they have a horrendous odor issue.
LullzKitteh 1
"tushay"? WTF!!! Pro-tip: trying to show off by using words you neither understand nor can spell is generally ineffective.
tj4234 36
#121: It is how you spell it. I looked it up before I wrote it down because I was unsure. However if you still feel that I am wrong, feel free to enlighten me. it's an anglicisation of the French word 'touche' (with an acute accent on the e).
tj4234 36
also, #121 it means 'good comeback' or 'good point'. My original post (#66) was in response to the comments made on my post #7.
sheethapins 13
Call Anton quick, we found their guy. FML found you, FML found you! So run and tell that homeboy.
nxtfari 5
Light a match. It really helps with the smell of methane.
2bored 0
This one actually made me LOL!!
UrCapsLockOn 12
vegeeez suX (THUMB ME DOWN PLz )
fogrunner 13
there are tricks for gas-free bean-cooking. Google them. :)